December 16, 2010 - He Named Names*

Yesterday, the prosecutor of the International Criminal Court in the Hague announced the names of six Kenyans who he is seeking to indict for committing crimes against humanity in the violent aftermath of the December 2007 national elections. He claims that they not only instigated the violence, but in some cases had been planning for it for up to a year before the election took place; this violence left approximately 1,500 people dead and over 1/2 million people homeless (some of whom are STILL homeless). In a country where the elite are known to get away with just about anything, this is a big step towards ending the impunity they are used to. The Hague judges will now have to review the prosecutor's evidence to determine if he has a case; he also mentioned that there were many others involved in orchestrating the violence but there was not enough evidence to charge them at this time.

Of the six names, only one was a surprise to anyone. In regards to the other five, I haven't spoken to any Kenyan who didn't already think they were "thugs" or "crooks" of the worst kind, and in almost all of their cases they are in the middle of investigations for other crimes (such as fraud). So while it wasn't HUGE news, it was a HUGE day for Kenya...and when we woke up this morning there were no reports of any reactive violence happening in the predicted "hot spots" following the announcement. Maybe that is also a sign that Kenya is slowly but surely growing up.

The NY Times article about yesterday's announcement can be found here.

LMW

*note: blog title references the Seinfeld episode "The Race" from Season 6, when Elaine is dating a communist.

December 10, 2010 - D-Day's coming to Kenya

I was going to write some commentary about the political situation in Kenya right now, but another Nairobi blogger did such a good job that I'll just direct you to read what she wrote here:

http://africaexpatwivesclub.blogspot.com/2010/12/off-with-their-heads-i-mean-off-to.html

I'll save my brilliant insight (cough, cough) for what happens after the 15th. Things could get interesting around here...just in time for Christmas! Reminds me of when we arrived 3 years ago!

LMW

Decembe 9, 2010 - The Old Masai Way

Yesterday, I was driven to a meeting outside of town by WFP Kenya’s oldest employee, a Masai called Stephen. I have driven with him before but I have to share the following with you.

Stephen must be well into his sixties; his father who is still alive had 8 wives, of which 4 have passed away. Between his 8 wives, the children numbered 20 girls and 30 boys. This year the whole family got together including the grandchildren: they were 320 people and ate an entire cow in one sitting.

As a boy Stephen left home after his circumcision. He didn’t want to follow the tradition and kill a lion; many Masai die doing this. He went to Tanzania and got a job with a white man and many years later got a job with WFP.

Stephen was reunited with his father many years ago, but only married one wife and also has a house. The Masai don’t normally buy houses and they normally marry many wives...or at least that is how it used to be.

Stephen’s father calls him a motorcycle, meaning that if one light fails he will be driving in the dark. This analogy refers to the fact that Stephen only took one wife which his father finds foolish.

Stephen has brought his mother to his house near Nairobi where she can easily get medical attention. She is 110 years old. As I have written earlier (maybe over a year ago now) Masai give children names after what happened the year they were born. You can be named after a big drought or flood or even “English” meaning that you were born when the British came to Kenya. One of Stephen’s mother’s names is “one shilling” because she was born when the British introduced the one shilling coin.

It is days like this - driving around with someone from a culture so different from mine - that I really appreciate what I learn from living in Kenya.

KW

December 7, 2010 - 32 weeks

I had an interesting doctor's appointment today. We made all the plans for my January 24th c-section, including booking the operating room, anesthesiologist and pediatrician to be there for the surgery. The surgery will be at 7:45 am so Kristoffer and I will go to the hospital the night before just like we did with Grace. We also discussed that if I go into labor any time before that day, I will just go to the hospital immediately for an emergency c-section. So...it's really happening! Less than 7 weeks to go now!

Rocky was measuring right on track for how "old" s/he is and was moving a lot during my exam. We've also noticed at home that Rocky is MOST active at 7:30 pm...pretty much the minute big sister is asleep s/he wants our undivided attention! We are curious to see if 7:30 - 9 pm is also Rocky's active time after s/he is born. Rocky is not breech like Grace was - his/her head is already down - but the baby hasn't "dropped" yet and I am not showing any signs of being "ready", which is also good at this stage. I have a scan in two weeks and then continue seeing my doctor every two weeks until GO time! All of these plans have made me really excited - I can finally see the light on at the end of what has felt like a very long tunnel.

Today Grace has been saying something like, "Mama go doctor for baby" and has been giving my belly a lot of attention, which are good things. BUT she has started to be a lot more clingy to me and crying for me when Kristoffer gets home from work and even a little bit during the day. A friend of ours who just had a baby said their 3-year old was the same way in the month leading up to their baby's arrival. Just all about Mama! So, hopefully it is just a natural reaction as I get bigger and she realizes something is really about to change. After all, who can blame her!?

But, also hopefully, she will love our new addition when Rocky arrives!

LMW

December 5, 2010 - Static

LMW

December 3, 2010 - 'Tis the Season (take 2)

Normally YouTube lets me get the code to embed a video in the blog so you can just watch it from the blog without doing anything else, but something having to do with our lately-slow internet connection is preventing that from being possible. I think that now if you just click on the link below it will take you to the video of Grace's Christmas Concert performance. Sorry for the inconvenience, but I promise it will bring you two guaranteed minutes of happiness.

Grace's Christmas Concert: Santa Claus is Comin' to Town

LMW

December 3, 2010 - 'Tis the Season

At Grace's school yesterday there was a Christmas Concert (because today is the last day of school until January 11th). Each class "performed" a Christmas song and there was a full nativity play put on by the older children (5-6 years). Grace's school - and the tuition we pay for her to go there - supports a kindergarden in one of Nairobi's slums and those children also came to perform. It was 90 minutes of pure joy and happines; the teachers and staff did such a great job with the children. I don't know if I am allowed to say it was the cutest thing EVER, but it was certainly in the top 10.

Kristoffer, Rose, Charles and I all went to the show. Grace's class, the youngest in the school, was one of the first to perform and they did a "dance" to the song "Santa Claus is Comin' to Town". She seemed totally shocked when she saw the large audience of parents and friends, even though she could do the "dance" at home when I sang the song. We had no idea she would be in costume! It was hard to get really good pictures because we didn't get there early enough for seats up front, but I think you'll get the idea from these, and you can find Grace because she is the smallest and the only girl (so the only one wearing a dress):

(the Japanese woman is the headmistress of her school

and the Kenyan woman is her teacher, Miss Mbata)

Grace also loved the bouquet of flowers we brought her to celebrate her first performance:

I am working on putting the video of the song up but our internet has not been itself the last few weeks and is currently not letting me upload the video. Keep checking back if you want to see it!

And a few more notes:

1. No need to ask - I did cry throughout a significant portion of the show. Hormonal pregnant mothers should not be allowed to attend such events! My heart just melted :)

2. After her performance Grace proceeded to fall asleep on her teacher's lap for the rest of the show. It is a lot to ask a little one to sit quietly and watch a stage for almost 90 minutes!

3. You know you are at an international school when the part of Mary in the nativity is played by an African girl and the part of Joseph is played by a Japanese boy. It was wonderful to see such diversity in the student population. We are so happy with our decision for Grace to go to this school, and we were so proud of her today!

Merry Christmas already!

LMW

December 2, 2010 - Kitu Kidogo

Today in the car driving Grace to school Charles said to me, "Madame...I don't think corruption in Kenya will ever end." Now if that isn't a sad way to start the day, I don't know what is!

Where did his statement come from?

Yesterday Charles went to the post office for me to pick up a package from my mother. It turns out that most postal workers were on strike for the second day of trying to pressure the government to increase their wages. It also turns out that there were a few postal workers still actually working, but in order for them to do their work they were demanding bribes from customers. In Swahili, "kitu kidogo" means "a little something" and if someone asks for "kitu kidogo" they are asking for a bribe. So when Charles requested my package they told him that they couldn't get it without "kitu kidogo." He called me with an update and I confirmed that under no circumstances should he pay them anything, he could just come home and try again another day. Well, Charles had other plans.

He basically staged a protest during which he stood there for 3 hours and told them that he wasn't leaving without the package or without speaking to the very head manager. So he just stood there and waited and waited and waited. He said they couldn't believe that he wouldn't just pay them something small to find his package. Eventually they caved and decided to just make him happy so he would go away, but by the time they found out where the package was he had to leave to run two more errands for me before picking up Kristoffer from work (reminder from blogs past: once they locate your package you still have to go through several levels of bureaucracy for stamps and signatures as well as make a trip to the bank to pay duty, so it could have taken up to another hour before he could actually leave with the package).

So he at least got documentation of where the package was located so that he can easily go back today or tomorrow to pick it up. And he didn't pay "kitu kidogo." It is discouraging to live in a country where that happens at every level of society on a daily basis. After he told me that he thinks corruption will never end, I asked him if it was at least any better than it used to be? And he said that yes, in fact, there is less corruption than in the past but still too much. So I suggested that maybe it is just a very long process and with time time time it will continue to disappear. I also congratulated him for standing up against corruption yesterday (literally, for over 3 hours). We hope that it is Kenyans like him who will change the status quo.

LMW

November 28, 2010 - Bedrest Book Review

Let the Great World Spin by Colum McCann (2009).

Fiction. Recommended by my friend Karen.

Karen described this book to me as, "Sort of like the movie Crash. You know, where everyone is somehow connected but you don't totally get it until the end." After reading it I would say that is a pretty fitting description. The event that centers the book happened in August of 1974 for real: a man named Philippe Petit walked a tightrope between the Twin Towers in New York City. The rest of the story is made up of fictional characters whose lives unexpectedly connect each to the other based on what happened that day. In all but one case, I thought the author did a nice job of weaving their stories and connections together and I really enjoyed reading the book. I was surprised when the book ended (reading on a Kindle has a different effect than reading an actual book when you know how many pages are left) and as much as I liked the stories, I had a lot of questions about the characters and some of the details that I would have liked the author to include. In the end I think it was a book about how people deal with real life and with tragedy, how they carve their place in the world, how they find or do not find love. It was well-written and thoughtful and at some moments actually quite a beautiful story to read. I would definitely recommend it - would make a great book club book! If you are a New Yorker or a New York lover, the book will mean something even more to you. A tribute to the Towers and all of their power and promise when they were young in the early 70s, the book is also a reminder of how they brought the people of New York together both at the beginning and the end of their existence.

LMW

November 26, 2010 - Mama's Firsts

This week I had two "firsts" as a Mama.

On Wednesday, I went out to lunch with my friend in the middle of the day. Without Grace. For more than 2 hours. Let me say that again: I left her at home with Rose in the middle of the day so that I could do more than make a quick shopping trip to the grocery store in under an hour. Wow! She is 21 months old today and it was the first time I had ever done that. Had I gone out to lunch before? Yes! But I always brought her with me! And as much as I love my daughter, am I allowed to say how nice it was to have a lunch out without her?! Particularly after weeks of pretty much only being at home! Grace was more than happy to stay home and play with Rose and go down for her nap. Awesome.

Then yesterday, for Thanksgiving, we were invited to a dinner party that started at 5:30 pm (Grace's dinner time). Kristoffer is still in Senegal so I went alone and for the first time in Kenya since she was born, someone other than me and Kristoffer (or her grandparents) gave Grace dinner and a bath and put her to bed. I had gone through everything with Rose before and she was here twice to see our routine, and still I wrote her out a big list of what to do/when to do it/just how Grace is used to. She said, "Madam, I think we'll be fine..." and I was like, "Oh Rose, this is so not about you! This is about me!" I made a big deal of saying goodbye to Grace, thinking that she might be stressed or sad that I was leaving, and she ran to me with a big hug and just said, "Bye, bye, Mama!" and then proceeded to go find Rose. So I had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner with turkey and trimmings and enjoyed celebrating with some new and old friends without worrying about Grace. And Grace ate a great dinner with Rose, asked for me only once or twice, never cried, and happily went to bed as scheduled (also happily woke up at 5 am this morning as scheduled). Awesome.

So as an addendum to my blog yesterday, I would like to add that I am so thankful for ROSE! I know that Grace is in great hands with her and last night when I came home Rose said, "Madam, I really love Grace." What more could you hope for from someone taking care of your child in your absence? I feel like we finally have a little bit more freedom than we've had since Grace was born because we finally have someone we trust here. When you don't live near your family, that is huge! At least for the next 2 months until Rocky comes along, it feels really good!

And, on three totally separate notes:

1. 400 blogs as of yesterday! Wow!

2. Happy 44th wedding anniversary to my parents! What role models you are for us all!

3. TGIF AKWBHT: thank goodness it's Friday and Kristoffer will be home tomorrow!

LMW

November 25, 2010 - Thankful

Thanksgiving is a North American holiday, and while North Americans all over the world will go out of their way to find ways to celebrate today, the people of our host countries understandably don't get it or don't really care (note: the Pilgrims didn't exactly come to Kenya).

In many ways, this makes me sad. Kristoffer would be at work if he were even in the country (that said, he is definitely at work outside of the country) and so it is not like we would be gathered around a large table with my family or hunkered down in front of the TV to watch (or, in my case, pretend to watch) football. But in another way, because I am not caught up in the hustle and bustle of the day I am forced to really think about for what it is that I am thankful. This year, that is a pretty easy blank to fill in.

You see, I had lunch with one of my (few) good friends in Nairobi today. She is five weeks more pregnant than me and we had a nice chance to catch up with each other before she soon flies off to her home country to have her third baby. We talked about our kids and pregnancies and husbands and careers and living abroad and we let out our emotions and venting and it was wonderful - just what I needed after weeks of essentially being a social hermit. But she also told me a heartbreaking story that she had just heard which immediately put my life into perspective.

A lovely woman who used to live in Nairobi that we both know, her intimately and me casually, just had her third baby. He was delivered 7 weeks early because she has terminal cancer and her doctors want to start chemotherapy as soon as possible to give her the greatest amount of time possible. It is not the first time she has had cancer, and she found out that she was no longer in remission shortly after becoming pregnant with #3. So now she and her husband are in their home country with three children under the age of 4, and she is dying.

When my friend told me this story, we stared at each with tear-filled eyes. We were silent for a few minutes. We were devastated. And then we were both really, really grateful.

I complain about a lot of things: some scares in my pregnancy and about some hospital stays and about infections and about being on partial bed-rest and about my husband being out of the country and about being far away from my family and friends and about being exhausted and homesick and about my annoying neighbors who only talk in shouts and about all the things that drive me crazy about Kenya and about the fact that Grace wakes up way too early and about about about about. But...

I am generally healthy and Rocky, on the inside, is healthy. I am not wondering who will help my husband raise my children or if they will remember me. I am not dying. And also...I don't live in fear of violence or persecution for any reason. I don't wonder when my next meal will be or how I will manage to provide it for my family. I don't live without shelter or clothing or sanitation. I have not been a victim of a terrible disaster or war or domestic violence. I am well educated. My child is healthy and beautiful and smart and safe and loved. With a loving and supportive husband, a close family, and many wonderful friends, I am not alone in this world.

So this year I am thankful for all of my complaints, because in the big picture they are so small. In the big picture my life is so good. Today I say one prayer of thanksgiving for all that God has blessed me with and another prayer for those who have not been so fortunate.

I am, simply, thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

LMW

November 21, 2010 - Shoes

Today Grace put on a little show for me. She paraded out of my closet and into our living room carrying four different pairs of my shoes. After trying on and walking in each pair, she grouped them all together. Note that I didn't start this activity or help her in any way, and I can't decide if she actually knew that each pair matched her onesie in some way (pinks, red, white) or if that was just a lucky coincidence. I was able to get a picture of her in 3 of the 4 pairs of shoes before she quickly took them off. When she is a teenager I am sure she will appreciate that her love for shoes started at a very young age.

And my love for her...well, even Imelda Marcos' shoe collection is way smaller than that!

LMW

November 21, 2010 - Bedrest Book Reviews

I'm a little behind on my book reviews, but the reality is I've only read two books in the last three weeks. I've slowed down on the reading because I'm actually working on a project for a former professor of mine at Syracuse University (for which I'm being paid! Wow! That feels good!) and while Grace is at school every morning I use those hours to work....because, you know, I cannot sacrifice my afternoon nap when she is napping!

In addition to the two books that I've read below, I started two others that I haven't been able to focus on getting through. We'll see how much reading I get done this week while Kristoffer is in Senegal for 6 days.

Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins (2004)

Nonfiction. Recommended by our friend Mike here in Nairobi and my cousin Jonathan. I bought this book for Kristoffer's birthday 2 years ago and he never got around to reading it.

In this book, Perkins claims to have worked as an "economic hitman" for a private firm with strong ties to the American government and intelligence community with the purpose of persuading developing countries to borrow money from the US (all of which would be invested in US firms for the expansion of infrastructure and social services) that they would never be able to pay back without granting the US access to their most prized natural resources (i.e. oil). A controversial narrative, the story reads really well and certainly gets one thinking about what is going on in the world of global finance and international development. Perkins wrote about several world events that I didn't know that much about (both before and during my lifetime), which was interesting for me, and made many connections between events from the last several decades with extremely current events (at least up through 9/11 and the starts of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan). A critical reader should be careful not to swallow everything Perkins writes as gospel, but could use the book as a jumping off point for thinking seriously about world economies and the US's role in their development. I thought it was well worth the read.

A Mercy by Toni Morrison (2009)

Fiction. Not recommended by anyone; I bought it when it was first published because I own and have read all of her other works, started it a few times, never got into it, and finally dedicated myself to reading it.

I don't know if it is enough to say that this book is "typically Morrison", but that is nevertheless my opinion. Morrison's books touch upon issues related to slavery and its aftermath, specifically for women, and this story is no different. Taking place at the end of the 17th century, the book profiles four different women and their connection to one man trying to make it as a farmer in the "new world" (America) while also dabbling in the importing of rum from the Caribbean. One of the women is his wife (an arranged marriage that brought her to Maryland from London) and the other three are their servants: a Native American woman and two distinctly different African American girls. The story describes unique elements of the slave trade, the effects of smallpox, and the significant role of religion in that time period. Without having "studied" the book too much, I liked that it offered new elements to her repertoire, such as the intersection of Native Americans and African slaves at that time. Like many of her books, it is often hard to tell in whose voice she is writing (which alternates each chapter) and requires a bit of re-reading as you go through it to understand their voices and perspectives. I can't say that I loved it - because of course it is pretty sad and heavy - but I did think she did a good job developing the characters of the four women and I didn't dislike it. I think that if you usually like her work that you should read this one too.

LMW

November 20, 2010 - Getting Married

Our driver Charles has been with his “wife” Janet for many years now. They have two children and Janet lives with Charles’ mother and nephew in his family’s rural home in Machakos (where he visits one or two times a month and whenever he has holidays from work with us). This what is known here as “an African marriage” as they are not legally/officially married and Charles has never paid the dowry to Janet’s parents. This is, however, not Charles’ fault. Janet’s parents have been in an African marriage for 30 years now as her father never paid the dowry to her mother’s parents, and according to the tradition Charles cannot pay Janet’s dowry until his father has paid her mother’s dowry.

Something is happening now though…apparently, the father has managed to pay his wife’s dowry, which gives Charles and Janet the chance to get married. They had set a date for August 2010 and then cancelled it, and then they set it for December this year but something came in the way. Normally the dowry is paid over many, many years because, as the Kenyans say, “it is not like you are buying a goat”. The dowry is mostly courtesy and a gift to the parents to help them get over the “loss” of their daughter, as she then will live with the husbands family (in this case, even though that has been happening for years already).

Charles had spoken to Janet’s family and they agreed that he didn’t have to pay anything right away and they could just figure it out over the years. This happens more and more often in some tribes now. However, when December started to come closer the old men from Janet’s village disagreed with Janet’s parents’ decision and demanded that Charles would come and see them to negotiate with them. Apparently, they want a lot up front even though they have no direct connection with Janet.

This obviously embarrassed Janet’s parent and you can’t really get married without the blessing from the old men. Janet was furious, she told Charles that she didn’t even wanted to get married now and that they should stay together forever without the approval of the wazees (the old men). Charles remained calm but they did cancel the wedding (this was all communication over the phone as Janet’s parents live over 200 miles from Charles’ rural home, but they are the still from the same tribe), which we think was a big disappointment to Charles.

On a completely separate note, Lisa and I have been thinking for a long time that we should contribute to Janet’s education as a primary school teacher. Janet has amazing grades from high school and wants to be a teacher so badly, but for reasons I have never completely understood Charles priority has been to build a new house and do some other things before he would save up money for his wife’s two-year education. Her education will allow her to earn considerably more money than him and secure their family financially. Anyway, we really like Janet and think she is a very smart lady, and we also strongly believe that supporting women – and teachers - is the way to help developing countries the most. So, we’ve made an arrangement with Charles’ family and will now pay everything up front for Janet's education and he will pay off half of the costs in small increments, which will be deduced from his salary. Janet will start the 3^rd of January and she, Charles and his mother are profoundly happy. Charles said one morning: “I don’t think she sleeps much these days” (out of excitement).

They haven’t told Janet’s parents yet and it is perfect timing. They will tell them when Janet enrolls in January and Charles is replaying the future conversation over and over in his head; he laughs out loud as he tells me how the conversation will go… something like this: “So Janet is going to be a teacher as I have enrolled her in a private teachers college.” The parents would then be sooo happy and say “REALLY, Charles! How much are you paying?” Charles shall then reply: “ONLY USD 2,000 (KES 160,000)!” He wants to tell people that he is richer than he is and will likely leave out our involvement in helping her attain her education. But that will give them a very good reason for why they are not getting married now: Janet is very busy getting an education!

KW

November 15, 2010 - Happy Birthday, Blog!

Our blog is three years old today and to celebrate I've decided to change up its appearance. It might take a little tweaking here and there to get it just right, but otherwise maybe it is a nice surprise for you to find a new look on our page.

Wow...three years...that means we are quickly approaching the end of our third year in Kenya. We didn't know we'd be here this long...we didn't know we'd be staying even longer...we didn't know life would bring us the most Amazing Grace with her sibling on the way...there was SOOOOOOOOO much we didn't know. But three years later we are very grateful for all we've been through - the good and the challenging have taught us so much - and for the life we have.

Happy Birthday, Life in Nairobi!

LMW

November 12, 2010 - Visual Aid

Now you can see what 28 weeks pregnant with Rocky looks like. The question is:

What kind of "rock star" do you think we are having?

Is it a "Rocky Balboa" type fighter? or

Do we have a "Radio City Music Hall Rockette" kicking around in there?

You have until January 4th, when I am 36 weeks pregnant, to decide. Please vote in the poll to the left!

LMW

November 11, 2010 - 28 weeks (and 2 days)

For a minute when I was typing the title of this blog I wrote "38 Weeks"...because that is how I look and feel! But alas, we are just starting our third trimester now and this kid still has a lot of time left in the oven before s/he is fully cooked.

I was officially 28 weeks along on Tuesday. To celebrate, I was admitted to the hospital AGAIN. Oh, the drama. Grace had been a little bit sick over the weekend with some kind of stomach bug - probably that she picked up at school - and on Monday night the same bug attacked me. Only my immune system is not very strong and it attacked me a lot more seriously than it attacked Grace. Completely dehydrated and having serious abdominal cramps, my doctor was quite nervous that those conditions can lead to pre-term labor and so I was admitted to the hospital to get re-hydrated. Coincidentally, they found a separate bacterial infection that was just beginning as well and so I was put on antibiotics. Luckily, pre-term labor did not start and Rocky remains on the inside with a strong heartbeat the whole time. Crisis averted, again!

Poor Grace, who has to get used to her mother being absent for these medical mishaps, did great without me. Unfortunately, the symptom that overtakes her the most during any kind of change or routine-disruption is that she stops eating, which is also the one thing that her little under-weight self cannot afford to do! So she hasn't been eating well but has otherwise been great for Rose, who took her to and from school in my absence and tried very hard to feed her and played played played with her a lot. Again, if all of this had happened before Rose we would have been really stressed, but luckily I could rest easily in the hospital knowing that between Rose and Kristoffer Grace was in good hands (Kristoffer also got hit with the bug Tuesday night, but seemed to recover much more quickly).

So now I am back home, in bed, tidying up my life and trying to fight off thoughts of "What's next?" between now and the end of January. I think that given the trauma we had at the start of our pregnancy, my weeks of bronchitis and pneumonia at the end of my 1st trimester and beginning of my 2nd trimester, my 25th week scare, and these infections to kick off trimester 3...well, I just think that we should be granted a bit of smooth sailing from now on. I told the nurses on my way out, some of whom know me pretty well by now, that I refused to see them again until there was an actual baby being born!

My monthly picture at 28 weeks has not yet been taken - believe me, it would have broken the camera on Tuesday - but I'll get Kristoffer to take one tonight or tomorrow so you can see how large and in charge I am. Then perhaps we'll play a little guessing game...what kind of baby do you think is kicking around in there?!

LMW

November 5, 2010 - Rose is a Rose

So I am about to write something that anyone who has been reading this blog for the last few years would never expect me to write: I love our housekeeper. My battle against having Kenyan staff has finally come to a close as I now finally realize what many other people living abroad have discovered: if you find the right person it is amazing to have help in your home!

Since I have been forced to rest for the last few weeks, Rose has not only cleaned places that I know not one other housekeeper ever cleaned in two+ years of living in this house, but she has also earned Grace's trust and love, and brought a true sense of calm and orderliness to our home. Rose is easy to communicate with, she is genuinely concerned about what/how I'm doing and if there is anything else she can do to help me, and she clearly loves Grace. So now I really do get it! If Rose had been with us since we moved here I would have had a VERY different perception of having staff and of Kenyans who are domestic workers in general. Rose is professional and polite; she always does things the way I ask her to even if her way is different (if I even feel like I need to ask her, which is rare); we have really nice and interesting conversations. I especially love that she is always teaching Grace when they play. Whatever they are doing, she is counting or saying the alphabet, practicing days of the week or colors, and singing songs. It is truly a pleasure to have her here; since I can't be the one pushing Grace on the swing every afternoon, I am glad it is Rose.

For awhile, when I was trying to work things out with our former housekeepers, I was worried that maybe I am a crazed, neurotic (dare I say a word that rhymes with witchy) woman who doesn't want anyone else to be with my child and will never be able to trust anybody who isn't related to us. I feared, for better or worse, that the problem was really with ME and not them. But having Rose here has taught me that NO! It wasn't ME! It was THEM! They were not right for our house, our family, our child. My maternal instincts didn't trust them because they weren't trustworthy. I trust and appreciate and am comfortable with Rose in our house and with Grace because she instills and provokes those feelings and because she is the right fit for us. PHEW! What a relief to finally not be stressed in my own home. Particularly given the pregnancy drama we've had with Rocky and the fact that we have no family or extremely close friends here in Nairobi since the family across the street moved, it is just nice to feel like we have a little bit of backup should we need it.

I am so grateful that we found her when we did. Her name says it all :)

LMW

November 4, 2010 - Counting to 10

Grace has been learning to count and whenever Rose is pushing Grace on her swing, she is counting! Her pronunciation isn't perfect, of course, but it's also not too bad. We can't figure out what she has against the number 8 - she won't say it and always does 9 two times. Still pretty cute!

LMW

November 4, 2010 - Bedrest Book Review

This week I finished one book and am slowly working my way through another. The book I read is....

Freedom by Jonathan Franzen (2010)

Fiction. Recommended by my friends Amy and Joanna, read it with my friend Victoria, and Oprah's most recent book club pick.

So...I was really disappointed in this book. I have never read Jonathan Franzen before, although he is critically acclaimed. There has been a lot of hype about his latest work of fiction and, really, I just didn't get it. I thought it was often long-winded and boring; often trying way too hard, and my overarching feeling is that the book couldn't decide what it was about, or rather Franzen couldn't decide what he wanted the book to be about: freedom, environmentalism, war politics, family dysfunction, depression, love, feminism, religion, overpopulation, capitalism, and on and on. By choosing to comment on so many issues, I felt he actually didn't tackle any of them in a meaningful way. I didn't find any of his characters to be sympathetic, and really only liked 1, maybe 2, of them even a little bit (and they were the most minor characters!). His writing is definitely intellectual and even though I don't consider myself to be anti-intellectual, I just couldn't stand it. The book is quite long and I read it quickly in two days because I just wanted it to be over so badly. I actually wouldn't recommend this book, except perhaps to people who already love Franzen because maybe they get him in a way that I don't.

LMW

November 3, 2010 - Andover Comes to Kenya

It is always a little strange for me when my different lives collide in any way. Last night it happened here in Kenya and was very cool.

I received an email a few weeks ago from a great guy named David who is not only from my hometown of Andover, Massachusetts but also went to Syracuse and was an intern working with me at the High School for Leadership and Public Service in 2006 and was writing to let me know that he was coming to Kenya. I'm not exactly sure that I can call him my stalker - but there are very few people (if anyone else) who have overlapped into so many of my worlds!

David came to Kenya with Bill Fahey from Andover Youth Services and his fellow musicians in the band, Grimis, to record some performances of a choir from a rural school in Kisii, Kenya; hopefully they will make a CD from their recordings and be able to sell the music to raise funds for the school. The school became connected with Andover Youth Services two years ago when another Andover woman came to volunteer at the school with her family over Thanksgiving.

So last night Kristoffer and I headed out to a big Nairobi restaurant to meet the group at the end of their trip. They had a successful and interesting visit to Kisii and checked out the Masai Mara as well. Half of the group was headed back to Boston last night but David and his bandmates (Pete and Andy) stayed over with us before heading to Mombasa today.

Bill Fahey has been the director of Andover Youth Services since 1994 and in his first summer in that position I participated in a teen camp of sorts in the summer between 8th and 9th grades. I haven't seen Bill since graduating from high school and it was really weird to see him in Nairobi last night (with his 15-year old daughter in tow)! My worlds colliding! But, again, it was very cool :) Any taste of home is greatly appreciated these days so while I sported a maternity Red Sox tshirt (thanks, Mom!) I was very happy to be surrounded by Boston accents for an hour.

Bill, me (+Rocky), and David

LMW

October 28, 2010 - Bedrest Book Review

This week I only managed to read one book, not necessarily for lack of wanting to read more, but this particular read was one that required a little more time and attention than anticipated. Note, this review is a long one.

It's Our Turn to Eat: The Story of a Kenyan Whistle-Blower by Michele Wrong (2009) Non-fiction.

Chosen for a "book club" that Kristoffer and I have started with each other; he is also reading it. Recommended by several friends in Nairobi.

I am not 100% a fan of Michela Wrong's style of writing; I think she often uses 20 words when she really only needs 10 and unnecessarily peppers her writing with dramatic cliches and proverbs. That aside, this was a very interesting and useful book to read and I learned a lot about the country I have lived in for almost 3 years now.

Wrong tells the story of John Githongo, a Kenyan man who, in his role as the government's anti-corruption czar beginning in 2003, uncovered an expansive corruption scheme within the government that robbed Kenyan taxpayers of over $1 billion (the scandal is known as Anglo-Leasing). The book recounts a lot of Kenyan history, much of which I didn't know, and specifically explores the roots of corruption at all levels of society. It provides an indepth look at the history of Kenya's tribalism - the good, the bad, and the very very ugly - and how corruption was more than just an extraneous factor in causing the post-election violence of 2007/2008. Wrong uses Kenya as one example to explore different opinions about what can be done to actually improve the biggest factor impeding Africa's development. She presents a balanced view of the strengths and flaws of Githongo - not ever completely glorifying him as a hero, to my surprise - and she does not hold back in describing in detail the conclusions to which his evidence pointed. It is a pretty scathing picture - true, no doubt - of the Kenyan government (past and present, equally) and the elite of Kenyan society, while also questioning the intentions and actions of the larger donor community and their actual commitment to ending corruption.

The last two chapters of the book cover the time period when we arrived in Kenya and what happened in the 2007 election. Reading this journalist's experience of our first days and weeks in the country was sort of a WOW moment for me. I can't believe we were here for that! Honestly, if I had read this book before our move, I am not sure that we would have ever made it...because those were extremely dark days for the country, and now I realize that they were much, much darker than we ever knew at the time. But, of course, John Githongo's story gives hope - not that corruption in Kenya is going to end any time soon, but that if more and more individuals stand up against corruption - regardless of the personal risk to themselves and even if only in very small ways - several generations down the line might have a chance of knowing a different Kenya.

If you are interested in learning more about "real" Kenya - not the cozy, expat, safari-on-the-weekend, easy-Africa Kenya that Kristoffer and I live in, but - the real Kenyan's Kenya, you should read this book (unless you're my mother. Then don't read it. Ever.).

LMW

*Note: almost every bookstore in Kenya refuses to sell the book out of fear of retribution from the government, so it is only sold at the UN and on the black market. That tells you something!

October 26, 2010 - Car Wash

We F I N A L L Y bought a new car last week, after months of not really having a reliable car of our own. Our new Toyota Ipsum seats 7 people (a model made only in Japan; called a multi-purpose vehicle, it is a station wagon just shy of being a minivan), which will be perfect when Rocky arrives and we have visitors, and is an extremely smooth ride. We are very happy about it and Grace in particular still shouting "new car! new car!" every time she is in it.

Today she decided to help Charles wash the car with a little help from Rose too. It was so funny; they couldn't get over how seriously she was taking the job. She was following Charles around like a shadow, telling him, "wash the car, wash the car".

I guess it is never to early to start building a resume for summer employment opportunities in her teen years. Maybe she'll work at a car wash!

LMW

October 24, 2010 - Go Pats!

Happy Halloween! We celebrated a little bit early this year. My parents sent a package to us with a friend coming back to Kenya from the US. I say "us", but really the Halloween candy was intended for Grace. Bad Mama that I am, when she refused the first bite of a Pumpkin Peep I proceeded to devour the rest of it. Whoops!

Then today, one of the boys in Grace's class had a 2nd birthday party that was also a Halloween party. Kristoffer took Grace this afternoon dressed as the cutest Patriots' cheerleader ever. Thank you to Auntie Meghan and Joanna for supplying Grace's costume (a VERY long time ago!).

It may be a much smaller scale of Halloween at home and it might be all the celebrating we do, but our little cheerleader doesn't know that and I am glad she got the chance! She was very happy to wear her costume and told us many times: "pretty dress, pretty dress!"

LMW

October 23, 2010 - Minor Detail

I've recently received a few emails from people indicating some confusion about our life here: isn't Kristoffer's contract ending in November? aren't we moving? what is going on?

So it occurred to me that even though we've had a revised set of plans since the end of August, I never officially told the world. Sorry, world!

Kristoffer's contract at the UN World Food Programme in Kenya does end at the end of November. BUT he was offered a one-year extension to stay in Nairobi and continue his work, and a lack of other opportunities within WFP right now made us jump at the opportunity. Needless to say that it would not be convenient to be moving either to a brand new country or in with either of our families at 7+ months pregnant with a toddler in tow. So we are staying in Nairobi for now and hope that will allow for both the smoothest transition from "Family of 3" to "Family of 4" and the exploration of more and different career opportunities for Kristoffer. We are grateful that the Danish government (who for 3 years has footed our bill entirely) and WFP were able to reach a 50/50 agreement to allow us to stay for a 4th year, which is pretty unprecedented in the JPO world (JPO = Junior Professional Officer, the program that many governments have to recruit young professionals into international development organizations).

Sorry for not sharing that information sooner, and please consider this an invitation to come visit sometime in the next 13 months!

LMW

October 21, 2010 - Bedrest Book Reviews

I have read three books in my first official week of taking it easy and, because I am a little bit on the bored side, I'll take advantage of my blog to write some book reviews. Don't worry, it will only last until Rocky arrives (if that long) and I'll try to keep my reviews somewhat brief. I don't have a system - 4 stars, 2 thumbs up, or anything like that - but I will be honest about what I thought of the book or what it did/didn't do for me.

The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz (2007)

Fiction. Recommended to me by one of my former students in New York City.

Takes place in Paterson, New Jersey and chronicles one family's history in the Dominican Republic under the rule of Dictator Rafael Trujillo. Different from anything else I've ever read. It gave me a lot of insight into Dominican culture, which was interesting after teaching a large population of Dominican students in New York, and also taught me a lot about Dominican history. It isn't a happy story, though. The main character, Oscar, is a tortured boy who doesn't fit the typical Dominican male stereotype of his homeland, but also doesn't fit in in Paterson either. He is overweight, has no "game" whatsoever, is obsessed with science-fiction and fantasy and writing, and is possibly the biggest romantic ever to live, all factors which conspire against him. I am sure some of the magic of this story was lost on me with a lot of Spanish in the book, a lot of slang, and a lot of cultural references that I didn't understand. To help non-Dominican or non-sci-fi-loving readers at least somewhat, the author filled the story with historical, cultural, and literary footnotes. The writing style is non-traditional, very modern, and sometimes it took me a few minutes of reading to figure out who the narrator was or what time period/setting we were in. I can't say that I loved it, but I did find it interesting and was eager to reach its conclusion.

Zeitoun by Dave Eggers (2009)

Non-fiction. Recommended by Matt Weiss and Meghan Woo, who left the book here after their visit in the summer.

The story describes the experience of Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath for an upper-middle-class Muslim-American family living in New Orleans. The blurred lines between the government's approach to addressing the city's problems while still fighting its war on terror on the home-front were news to me. It is an educational story filled with rage and fear and love and sorrow and politics and EVERYTHING. Dave Eggers, already an amazing writer, really outdid himself with this book, working with and receiving full cooperation from the family, who donate all proceeds of the book to their foundation to promote religious tolerance and help rebuild New Orleans. It is, by far, the most important piece of writing I have read in a very, very long time. It should be used in high school and college classrooms the world over to teach writing, religion, politics, and history. B-r-i-l-l-i-a-n-t.

The Alchemist by Paola Coelho (1988)

Fiction. Recommended by lots of people in the world.

This was a book I've had on my "read" list for years, but I've just never gotten around to it before now and BOY WAS I MISSING OUT. Written in 1988 by the Brazilian Coelho, the story is spiritual and religious, it is "new age" and traditional, it is magical and down-to-earth. Telling the tale of one boy's journey towards his "Personal Legend", Coelho pushes the idea that if you want to achieve or accomplish something, all the universe will conspire to help you do it. The story teaches of love and courage and free-will. It is a simple story - a fable, actually - that reminded me of The Little Prince (I know I'm not the only one...); it was also a nice reminder that something so simple could be so profound. Kristoffer read it a long time ago and when I finished it last night, we ended up having a really important discussion about it and our lives for the rest of the evening. It also made me itch a bit to get into the classroom...from the minute I finished it my brain was coming up with ideas for teaching the text to my students! What fun that would have been!

Stay tuned for next week's reviews...and happy reading of your own in the meantime! Also, if you have suggestions for what I should be reading and reviewing, please let me know.

LMW

October 20, 2010 - Yard Work

While I was in the hospital, Kristoffer and Grace took care of some "yard" work at home. She learned the tricks of the trade while helping Hans and Farmor in Denmark and proved to be an equally useful companion for Kristoffer.

It wasn't all work and no play though! Grace enjoyed playing in her new playhouse/sandbox and on her swingset.

The two of them have become quite attached to each other in the last week. Grace no longer needs Mama to do a lot of things she used to need Mama to do, because Far does them in a much funnier way! Last night Kristoffer explained it this way: "I like to think of her...as my sidekick!" What a pair!

LMW

October 17, 2010 - Bedrest Blog

Last week ended with a little bit of baby-drama for us. In the middle of the day on Thursday I began to bleed and was admitted to the hospital for 48 hours. It was one of the scariest experiences Kristoffer and I can recall having...in my 25th week of pregnancy, we certainly feared that the worst outcome was coming true and that we would lose Rocky. Luckily for all of us, God had other plans.

My doctor instantly found a strong heartbeat and throughout the whole ordeal the baby never stopped moving around. An ultrasound confirmed no signs of bleeding and that the baby was very active, very healthy, and was developing perfectly on schedule. So despite our worst fears, we were never losing the baby. Maybe we were just getting a BIG WARNING from Rocky and from God: "Hey Mom! SLOOOOW DOWN!"

Because there were no signs of where the bleeding came from or why it happened, and thankfully it stopped pretty quickly, my doctor and her colleagues seem to feel that perhaps the placenta started to detach just the tiniest bit, which caused the bleeding. If it had been completely detaching, then I would have felt extreme pain, instead of a few minor cramps, and it would have shown up in the ultrasound. There was no evidence of it being detached at all, so it had to have been just a tiny tear. As a precautionary measure, I was given a dose of steroids to accelerate the baby's lung development; just in case something would happen that would result in premature delivery, it gives the baby the best chance of survival on the outside.

In the last few weeks since we let our housekeeper go, I have been going non-stop doing even more than I was doing when I wasn't pregnant: all the cooking, all the laundry and cleaning, my regular shopping plus a little bit of extra "nesting" shopping, hunting for cars, having playgrounds and furniture made, visiting schools for Grace, and the usual running around after Grace. We are hoping this was just a BIG RED FLAG that I need to not be doing ANY of that for the remainder of the pregnancy to give this baby and my body some rest.

So I am home from the hospital now. Luckily on Thursday we were trying out a new housekeeper, Rose, who we liked and will now also have to be a nanny to Grace since I am supposed to be off of my feet for the long haul. So much for part-time, she'll be full time starting tomorrow. I've been given permission to do a little bit of walking around the house every 2 hours to avoid getting blood clots, and I am allowed to slowly walk up/down the stairs no more than 2 times a day. No more carrying Grace, or anything else for that matter. I will see my doctor again on Friday for a check-up and we'll go from there. I am following every direction she gives me, even though it is already boring and I feel completely useless in my own home!

I am fortunate to have the greatest husband ever. He has been doing everything since Thursday - and he and Grace have forged quite a bond, spending more time together (2 nights alone!) than ever before. It is actually very sweet to observe and to know that our family unit is strong. Grace was terrified to see me in the hospital; on her first visit it took her an hour before she would talk to me or touch me or anything. But by the time they picked me up yesterday she was comfortable in my hospital room, but very ready for Mama to come home.

As we adjust to the reality of the next few months, we appreciate all of the support and love and prayers of our friends and family. I think we will ALL be very glad come the end of January* when Rocky arrives, safe and healthy and as cute as his/her big sister!

LMW

*the decision has officially been made that I will have another c-section at the end of my pregnancy, most likely a week or 10 days before my due date. This will make ALLLLL of us feel better about avoiding any potential risks or complications bringing Rocky into the world.

October 13, 2010 - Monkeying Around

Grace started "Monkeynastix" two weeks ago and today was her third class. It is a 30-minute gymnastics/healthy lifestyle class for kids over the age of 1 once a week for ten weeks. "Monkeynastix" is an international program and an expat here owns a franchise that she runs in most of the international schools and in several home playgroups (with 3-4 trained Kenyan teachers on staff).

Our Tuesday morning class is supposed to have 4 kids in it: the first week there were 8 or 9 kids with 2 teachers (then they made 2 smaller classes), the second week it was 3 kids with 3 teachers, and today Grace was the only one who showed up! So she had 2 teachers all to herself for a really fun 30 minutes. I happily took some pictures while she was on the go. It was hard to capture everything she did because the whole point is for them to be moving a lot.

They start off doing stretches to music (she can do 2 of the 3 stretches by herself now) and then do a little bit of running. Each week there are then different props for activities like a trampoline, exercise ball, hula hoops, bean bags, tunnel, steps, etc. They work on jumping, rolling in different ways, throwing, balancing, etc. Grace has a special t-shirt and at the end of each class gets a sticker, which is by far her favorite part! For the rest of the day she showed me at least 50 times her sticker - she was so proud!

LMW

October 12, 2010 - 24

I'm 24 weeks pregnant today. Other than being completely exhausted because life is very busy these days, I am feeling well. Maybe I have a serious sciatic nerve problem on my right side and maybe everything I eat gives me indigestion. But I keep reminding myself how worthwhile these pings and pangs will be when Rocky comes into the world in only 16 more weeks (preferably 13 or 14 more weeks, I'll be honest). Rocky is kicking often; s/he seems to be more of an active night owl than a day bird, so we'll see how that translates to life on the outside. We have decided for sure on a girl's name and I did have a dream last week that Rocky is a girl (in my first baby dream, though, Rocky was a boy. And the same pattern happened when I was pregnant with Grace. Coincidence? We'll find out). A boy's name is still quite the debate in this household with no clear winner yet.

I am nesting A LOT. In addition to trying to get Grace's life and schedule settled, we've planned a vacation for the first week of November (our first week-long family trip that doesn't involve visiting our families in the US or Denmark AND my first trip to the Kenyan Coast! Mombasa, here we come!); we have had a playground built in our small backyard; we are in the process of buying a nice, spacious car that we can fit 2 children and visitors in; I have been interviewing housekeepers on the phone and in person; and, I am tidying up/organizing/re-decorating/purging everything possible. Will Rocky ever appreciate all these efforts? Probably not. But I will appreciate having a tidy life, if that is possible, when Rocky arrives.

Here's what 24 weeks looks like...and, yes, I am sure that there is only ONE Rocky in there.

LMW

October 8, 2010 - Day 3

Grace did great on Wednesday, day 2 of going to pre-school. She went right to her teacher in the morning to play and didn't notice that I slipped out. When I picked her up she was extremely happy and the teacher said had a great day.

Today, I suspected we might be in for a different story - but it didn't go the way I thought. Grace has not been on a good nap schedule this week and is still waking up too early in the morning (between 5 and 5:30). She used to go back to sleep for awhile, and even did so on Tuesday morning until 6:45!!! But since then she won't go back to sleep so she is pretty tired in the mornings. This morning was no exception and she was yawning as we got to her classroom. Today was the first day she didn't want me to leave and was saying "No more school". When her teacher distracted her with play-doh I slipped out of the room and hoped for the best. As Kristoffer says, some days he doesn't want to go to work either so it is to be expected.

I arrived to pick her up at 12:15 - my first day not going in to her classroom to get her but meeting her outside with the rest of the kids. Out parades the littlest class in the school following behind Miss Mbata...one, two, three, four, five, six little boys...but no Grace! Seeing the look of panic on my face, her teacher quickly told me "She's asleep in the classroom!" Apparently Grace was so exhausted that about 15 minutes before lunch was to be served, she lay herself down and fell asleep on the classroom rug. Oh, sweet thing. I had anticipated some crying and expected a tantrum today...but an actual nap? Didn't see that coming.

Her teacher said that is common for the little ones in the first couple of weeks of school. I am sure it would help if we could get her to sleep later in the mornings and take a nap at the same time every day (as opposed to her current hodge podge schedule of napping whenever she just completely wipes out). Any suggestions on making this work would be appreciated!

Miss Mbata said Grace did cry a little when she realized I had left this morning, but was easily and happily distracted by the books from "library day" and picked out a special book to bring home (which, of course, was one of her favorites that we already have!). She said she had a lot of fun before passing out...so at least she didn't go to sleep because she was so miserable.

Kristoffer is headed to "Parent Day" at school this afternoon. Kids aren't allowed to go so Grace and I will hang out at home while Far checks out her school and meets her teacher for the first time. I saw a sneak peek of some artwork that she did for the occasion...I don't think anything is cuter than kids at this age!

LMW

October 6, 2010 - "Life" Meets "Lees"

About a year ago, I noticed that there was another blogger following my blog. She was an American woman who has lived all over the world and had just moved to Nairobi with her husband, who is with the Foreign Service, and her two sons. She was reading my blog to learn about life in Nairobi, and I began reading her blog to learn more from a more experienced expat mom. One of the great things about reading Lees on the Go is that I often hear a voice who understands what I am going through and can identify with some of the harder-for-others-to-understand aspects of living in Nairobi. Trust me, there have been days when my sanity has been very grateful to have her blog to read.

So here we have been, living separately in the same world and reading about each other's lives, but not "actually" knowing each other. Until yesterday, that is! As Grace and I were waiting to buy some bread at the bakery, I got a little tap on my shoulder and there was my blogger friend standing in front of me! It was lovely to chat for awhile, and she even had her camera with her to take a picture (see the above link). It was one of the nicest surprises I've had while shopping in Nairobi and it really made my day :)

LMW