January 20, 2011 - Uncharted Waters

Apparently Grace read my blog from yesterday, because since I posted it she has become a different person. Okay, not quite a different person, but she is trying out new personality traits that we've never before experienced...for sure.

Yesterday afternoon was traumatic for me. Grace was asked to bring in a stuffed elephant or elephant book to school because they are "studying" elephants in her class. She chose a stuffed elephant and we brought it in, but when she went down for her nap yesterday afternoon she got really upset that the elephant wasn't at home. And by "really upset" I mean "threw the worst temper tantrum she had ever thrown before...by a long shot [until later that night]". There was over an hour of screaming and throwing things out of her crib; she wouldn't let me touch her or pick her up, didn't want Mama, only wanted the elephant (which she had previously liked but it had never one of her chosen few). Eventually I succeeded in distracting her with something else, she let me hold her, and all was well. But it scarred me. For real.

Then came bed time. Normally Grace is a champion "go to sleeper" because since we sleep-trained her at 5 1/2 months old, she has always gone to bed easily with a few rare exceptions related to jet-lag and travel or sickness. She knows and loves her bedtime and never cries going to bed. Literally. Never. Until last night, when she topped her earlier temper tantrum with a 3-hour scream-fest that involved climbing up and jumping out of her crib onto our extremely-hard-wood-on-top-of-concrete floors. She only wanted me to hold her and rock her and read to her in this situation, as opposed to earlier in the day. When we finally got her to go to sleep at 10 pm, she still woke up every couple of hours crying. She did sleep until 7:15 am, which is some kind of record in this house, but only after about 6 1/2 hours of sleep total. If I thought her daytime tantrum was traumatic, I had no idea what she was capable of. Kristoffer and I are still in shock that that was her. It was unbelievable.

But off to school she went this morning, where we traded a safari book for her precious elephant. I had warned her teacher, Miss Mbata, about what happened last night and that Grace might be a little off today given her lack of sleep. Sure enough, when I picked Grace up after lunch I was told that she was naughty for the first time ever. She threw her shoes, she hit another child, she threw sand at some other kids in the sandbox. Grace. My child. You've got to be kidding me.

So OBVIOUSLY this extreme change in behavior is related to the fact that she knows someone new is coming out of my big belly very soon. We've done everything all the books tell you to do (and more!) to prepare your only-child toddler to become a big sister and for the last couple of weeks she has seemed really "into" the baby. But I hate to tell you, Rocky, she's just not that into you! While she has good communication skills for her age, I think they are no match for the overwhelming variety of emotions she must be feeling and her behavior must be considered "normal", right?! (please say right, or else I might start to cry...again).

Her teacher said, "Once you have the baby and come home from the hospital and everything is stable, she'll be OK. At least we know why she is acting out. But I have to say I almost didn't react when she hit the boy because I was so shocked that it was Grace!" And as Kristoffer wrote me in a text message today, "She will need a lot of attention over the next weeks. We have to give her as much lover as possible and try to be very stable parents." Right. Okay. Attention. Love. Stability.

So, the bottom line is: I want my little girl to be happy and feel secure and loved and not to feel like we are replacing her...and I want my new baby to feel all the love and attention and awe s/he deserves upon his/her birth...and I can't help but feel we are venturing into extremely uncharted waters here. Good thing we have two life-preservers arriving in the morning.

LMW

January 19, 2011 - Three More Days

As of yesterday I was 38 full weeks pregnant and for a variety of good reasons, my c-section date was bumped up from Monday morning to Saturday morning. For me the only downside is that I wanted to have the baby on my father's birthday, which will no longer happen, but that is not a big deal to Dad and I suppose we can just say that we're celebrating him a little early.

On Friday morning, Kristoffer's mom and her husband, Kirsten (Farmor) and Hans, will arrive for four weeks. 24 hours after that I will be wheeled into the operating room and the third love of my life will be born. Amazing. While I am REALLY uncomfortable and exhausted right now, I am just mostly REALLY eager eager eager to meet Rocky.

I also have a strange mix of emotions that I didn't expect to be so hard. I feel sad for Grace that her days as the sole-center of our universe are coming to an end. I feel a little sad to be losing all of the special things about it often just being the two of us or the special things about being just a family of three. I feel a little sad that she is old enough to be a big sister...as in, enough time has passed since her own birth that someone else could be born too. Someone who, no doubt, we will love just as much, but also someone who will never have the experience of being our one-and-only...which also makes me a little sad for Rocky! I have no doubt that there will be infinite happy and joyful and not-sad emotions and moments in the days following Rocky's arrival and, believe me, I'M READY for them...but in the last few days I've just been hit by this new wave of emotions I didn't quite expect. Motherhood is complicated, isn't it?!

So in these last three days before Rocky's birthday I'm getting ready for Kirsten and Hans, continuing my attempts to get Grace ready for lots of big changes in our house, and am trying to remember that I can survive insert any or all of these ailments: insane indigestion; severe, sharp, shooting pains down my legs; no appetite; insomnia due to discomfort; irregular contractions; swollen and tired feet; the feeling that I'm falling over a lot because my feet are so small and my balance is all thrown off by my enormous belly; or having to go the bathroom every 20 minutes for three more days. Because then I will have other things to look forward to, like recovering from major anesthesia and abdominal surgery...but even more so, like getting to meet and hold and snuggle and feed and fall in love with my second child. I think that last bit makes all the rest of it seem highly worth it and I almost can't wait. Just three more days.

LMW

January 4, 2011 - Sooooo Close...

(sorry for the fuzzy picture; self-taken photo using the camera on the laptop is not the best quality)

Today I am 36 weeks pregnant and the "poll" will close at the end of the day; obviously "you" are of the opinion that Rocky is definitely a fighter and not a leggy female dancer :) That is actually pretty funny because when Charles came to work this morning he told us that his mother had a dream that our baby is a boy! He said she has never had that kind of dream before and that he promised to buy her a goat if she is right (that is a pretty serious promise, by the way)!

Lately I have been feeling somewhere between uncomfortable and miserable. I can't sleep because my back hurts and my indigestion is so terrible. Nairobi is out of Maalox :( Rocky is apparently not one of those babies who slows down towards the end because this child is moving almost all the time. I've had tingling in my extremities, which I never had with Grace, and my incision scar from Grace's delivery is very stretched and sore. And...have I mentioned that I am HUGE?! I now look bigger than I did at the end with Grace and also have gained about 7 lbs more than I did with Grace (to date). All of this, of course, is good news for Rocky's health, never mind my sanity and energy. My over-the-top waddling was easily explained at my doctor's appointment this morning when she examined me and said, "You aren't dilated at all yet, but the baby is fully engaged, which might explain all of that pressure you're feeling."

Again, great news (we never got to that stage with breech-baby Grace), except that Kristoffer is scheduled to travel within Kenya for work next week and will be gone for 4 days/3 nights. It is sort of a long story, but it is not a trip he can get out of, regardless of how engaged his child is. Of course our ideal situation is for Rocky to be born as scheduled on January 24th, but should s/he decide to arrive earlier than that let's just all say a prayer that Kristoffer is not in the middle of the desert (literally, and also a 5 hr drive from Nairobi).

Kristoffer's mom and Hans arrive on the 21st and all important actors are scheduled for 7:45 am on the 24th (my doctor/surgeon, anesthesiologist, pediatrician, operating room staff), Kristoffer will donate a unit of blood on the 22nd just in case I need it for the surgery, and our hotel-like room at the Aga Khan University Hospital's Princess Zhara Pavilion is ready for us to check in at 4pm on the 23rd. Not to mention the fact that we haven't bought my dad a birthday gift because really, what could top a new grandchild (sorry to my siblings, but I so win "Best Gift" this year)?!

Pretty much all we have left to do now is pack a bag and keep reminding Grace how much we love her and how much she is going to love being a big sister. It seems to me that the next pictures you'll see of Rocky will be included in his or her arrival announcement...and then we'll see if Charles' mother gets her goat or not!

LMW

p.s. at my 34 week scan, Rocky was estimated to weigh just about 6 lbs and this morning my doctor said, "I think this is a big baby!" Hmmm....we'll find out soon enough!

December 7, 2010 - 32 weeks

I had an interesting doctor's appointment today. We made all the plans for my January 24th c-section, including booking the operating room, anesthesiologist and pediatrician to be there for the surgery. The surgery will be at 7:45 am so Kristoffer and I will go to the hospital the night before just like we did with Grace. We also discussed that if I go into labor any time before that day, I will just go to the hospital immediately for an emergency c-section. So...it's really happening! Less than 7 weeks to go now!

Rocky was measuring right on track for how "old" s/he is and was moving a lot during my exam. We've also noticed at home that Rocky is MOST active at 7:30 pm...pretty much the minute big sister is asleep s/he wants our undivided attention! We are curious to see if 7:30 - 9 pm is also Rocky's active time after s/he is born. Rocky is not breech like Grace was - his/her head is already down - but the baby hasn't "dropped" yet and I am not showing any signs of being "ready", which is also good at this stage. I have a scan in two weeks and then continue seeing my doctor every two weeks until GO time! All of these plans have made me really excited - I can finally see the light on at the end of what has felt like a very long tunnel.

Today Grace has been saying something like, "Mama go doctor for baby" and has been giving my belly a lot of attention, which are good things. BUT she has started to be a lot more clingy to me and crying for me when Kristoffer gets home from work and even a little bit during the day. A friend of ours who just had a baby said their 3-year old was the same way in the month leading up to their baby's arrival. Just all about Mama! So, hopefully it is just a natural reaction as I get bigger and she realizes something is really about to change. After all, who can blame her!?

But, also hopefully, she will love our new addition when Rocky arrives!

LMW

November 12, 2010 - Visual Aid

Now you can see what 28 weeks pregnant with Rocky looks like. The question is:

What kind of "rock star" do you think we are having?

Is it a "Rocky Balboa" type fighter? or

Do we have a "Radio City Music Hall Rockette" kicking around in there?

You have until January 4th, when I am 36 weeks pregnant, to decide. Please vote in the poll to the left!

LMW

November 11, 2010 - 28 weeks (and 2 days)

For a minute when I was typing the title of this blog I wrote "38 Weeks"...because that is how I look and feel! But alas, we are just starting our third trimester now and this kid still has a lot of time left in the oven before s/he is fully cooked.

I was officially 28 weeks along on Tuesday. To celebrate, I was admitted to the hospital AGAIN. Oh, the drama. Grace had been a little bit sick over the weekend with some kind of stomach bug - probably that she picked up at school - and on Monday night the same bug attacked me. Only my immune system is not very strong and it attacked me a lot more seriously than it attacked Grace. Completely dehydrated and having serious abdominal cramps, my doctor was quite nervous that those conditions can lead to pre-term labor and so I was admitted to the hospital to get re-hydrated. Coincidentally, they found a separate bacterial infection that was just beginning as well and so I was put on antibiotics. Luckily, pre-term labor did not start and Rocky remains on the inside with a strong heartbeat the whole time. Crisis averted, again!

Poor Grace, who has to get used to her mother being absent for these medical mishaps, did great without me. Unfortunately, the symptom that overtakes her the most during any kind of change or routine-disruption is that she stops eating, which is also the one thing that her little under-weight self cannot afford to do! So she hasn't been eating well but has otherwise been great for Rose, who took her to and from school in my absence and tried very hard to feed her and played played played with her a lot. Again, if all of this had happened before Rose we would have been really stressed, but luckily I could rest easily in the hospital knowing that between Rose and Kristoffer Grace was in good hands (Kristoffer also got hit with the bug Tuesday night, but seemed to recover much more quickly).

So now I am back home, in bed, tidying up my life and trying to fight off thoughts of "What's next?" between now and the end of January. I think that given the trauma we had at the start of our pregnancy, my weeks of bronchitis and pneumonia at the end of my 1st trimester and beginning of my 2nd trimester, my 25th week scare, and these infections to kick off trimester 3...well, I just think that we should be granted a bit of smooth sailing from now on. I told the nurses on my way out, some of whom know me pretty well by now, that I refused to see them again until there was an actual baby being born!

My monthly picture at 28 weeks has not yet been taken - believe me, it would have broken the camera on Tuesday - but I'll get Kristoffer to take one tonight or tomorrow so you can see how large and in charge I am. Then perhaps we'll play a little guessing game...what kind of baby do you think is kicking around in there?!

LMW

October 17, 2010 - Bedrest Blog

Last week ended with a little bit of baby-drama for us. In the middle of the day on Thursday I began to bleed and was admitted to the hospital for 48 hours. It was one of the scariest experiences Kristoffer and I can recall having...in my 25th week of pregnancy, we certainly feared that the worst outcome was coming true and that we would lose Rocky. Luckily for all of us, God had other plans.

My doctor instantly found a strong heartbeat and throughout the whole ordeal the baby never stopped moving around. An ultrasound confirmed no signs of bleeding and that the baby was very active, very healthy, and was developing perfectly on schedule. So despite our worst fears, we were never losing the baby. Maybe we were just getting a BIG WARNING from Rocky and from God: "Hey Mom! SLOOOOW DOWN!"

Because there were no signs of where the bleeding came from or why it happened, and thankfully it stopped pretty quickly, my doctor and her colleagues seem to feel that perhaps the placenta started to detach just the tiniest bit, which caused the bleeding. If it had been completely detaching, then I would have felt extreme pain, instead of a few minor cramps, and it would have shown up in the ultrasound. There was no evidence of it being detached at all, so it had to have been just a tiny tear. As a precautionary measure, I was given a dose of steroids to accelerate the baby's lung development; just in case something would happen that would result in premature delivery, it gives the baby the best chance of survival on the outside.

In the last few weeks since we let our housekeeper go, I have been going non-stop doing even more than I was doing when I wasn't pregnant: all the cooking, all the laundry and cleaning, my regular shopping plus a little bit of extra "nesting" shopping, hunting for cars, having playgrounds and furniture made, visiting schools for Grace, and the usual running around after Grace. We are hoping this was just a BIG RED FLAG that I need to not be doing ANY of that for the remainder of the pregnancy to give this baby and my body some rest.

So I am home from the hospital now. Luckily on Thursday we were trying out a new housekeeper, Rose, who we liked and will now also have to be a nanny to Grace since I am supposed to be off of my feet for the long haul. So much for part-time, she'll be full time starting tomorrow. I've been given permission to do a little bit of walking around the house every 2 hours to avoid getting blood clots, and I am allowed to slowly walk up/down the stairs no more than 2 times a day. No more carrying Grace, or anything else for that matter. I will see my doctor again on Friday for a check-up and we'll go from there. I am following every direction she gives me, even though it is already boring and I feel completely useless in my own home!

I am fortunate to have the greatest husband ever. He has been doing everything since Thursday - and he and Grace have forged quite a bond, spending more time together (2 nights alone!) than ever before. It is actually very sweet to observe and to know that our family unit is strong. Grace was terrified to see me in the hospital; on her first visit it took her an hour before she would talk to me or touch me or anything. But by the time they picked me up yesterday she was comfortable in my hospital room, but very ready for Mama to come home.

As we adjust to the reality of the next few months, we appreciate all of the support and love and prayers of our friends and family. I think we will ALL be very glad come the end of January* when Rocky arrives, safe and healthy and as cute as his/her big sister!

LMW

*the decision has officially been made that I will have another c-section at the end of my pregnancy, most likely a week or 10 days before my due date. This will make ALLLLL of us feel better about avoiding any potential risks or complications bringing Rocky into the world.

October 12, 2010 - 24

I'm 24 weeks pregnant today. Other than being completely exhausted because life is very busy these days, I am feeling well. Maybe I have a serious sciatic nerve problem on my right side and maybe everything I eat gives me indigestion. But I keep reminding myself how worthwhile these pings and pangs will be when Rocky comes into the world in only 16 more weeks (preferably 13 or 14 more weeks, I'll be honest). Rocky is kicking often; s/he seems to be more of an active night owl than a day bird, so we'll see how that translates to life on the outside. We have decided for sure on a girl's name and I did have a dream last week that Rocky is a girl (in my first baby dream, though, Rocky was a boy. And the same pattern happened when I was pregnant with Grace. Coincidence? We'll find out). A boy's name is still quite the debate in this household with no clear winner yet.

I am nesting A LOT. In addition to trying to get Grace's life and schedule settled, we've planned a vacation for the first week of November (our first week-long family trip that doesn't involve visiting our families in the US or Denmark AND my first trip to the Kenyan Coast! Mombasa, here we come!); we have had a playground built in our small backyard; we are in the process of buying a nice, spacious car that we can fit 2 children and visitors in; I have been interviewing housekeepers on the phone and in person; and, I am tidying up/organizing/re-decorating/purging everything possible. Will Rocky ever appreciate all these efforts? Probably not. But I will appreciate having a tidy life, if that is possible, when Rocky arrives.

Here's what 24 weeks looks like...and, yes, I am sure that there is only ONE Rocky in there.

LMW

September 14, 2010 - "Rocky" Mountain High

Or at least I feel like I am carrying around a high mountain!

I am 20 weeks pregnant today - halfway there! - and flying back to Nairobi with Kristoffer and Grace after six wonderful weeks in Denmark (more on that in another blog coming soon). We are looking forward to an ultrasound scan and appointment with my doctor sometime this week to check on how the little one is doing. I am feeling well, despite still being tired all the time, and was very relieved to start feeling Rocky kicking around regularly three days ago (thought it would happen a lot earlier this time around so I was getting a bit nervous!).

Grace is usually very sweet to "the baby". She gives my belly kisses, says "nice nice, baby" and often places books and toys on my belly that she wants to share with the baby. This doesn't mean ANYTHING in the long term, I know, because the baby being on the inside is a very different situation than the baby being out in the world competing for Mama and Far's attention. BUT there were a few weeks where she was hitting my belly and saying "no, no baby" so at least we have moved on from there. Baby steps...naturally.

Cheers to a safe trip back to Nairobi with a much bigger Rocky in tow this time around!

LMW

August 17, 2010 - It's Been a "Rocky" 4 months

I have so many stories and pictures to share from the past 11 days in Denmark - we have done and seen a lot! But while I'm getting my act together on those blogs, I'll just share that today I am 16 weeks pregnant with Rocky. I feel proud because it feels like my body has had to work a lot harder this time around; it turns out that my cough/bronchitis/lung infection was full-fledged pneumonia (who knows for how long!) and I've only just really recovered from battling that since the middle of June. We haven't had any more pregnancy complications and I am growing even faster than I did with Grace (or at least it feels that way!). I think we are close to realizing that in another 24 weeks (or, most likely a little sooner than that) we will be a family of four!

At 12 weeks pregnant I looked like this:

And today at 16 weeks I look like this...
...with my shadow appropriately close by :)

I had a dream one week ago that Rocky is a boy, but my very first dream about Grace was also that she was a boy...so I suppose that could mean we're having a girl (or that with Grace I was really dreaming about Rocky?)! We are planning to give this baby a Danish name so if you have any suggestions send them along.

Kristoffer went back to Kenya yesterday and Grace and I have begun our extra month of R&R with Farmor & Hans. I took a two hour nap today, so I would say we are off to a good start!

LMW

July 21, 2010 - Meet Rocky

Grace's brother or sister is due to arrive on the 1st of February. Because Kristoffer's contract ends in November, we aren't exactly sure where our baby will be born but we are very excited for his or her arrival.

While "Rocky" might seem like a funny nickname, it has a certain meaning for us. The last six weeks of our pregnancy (weeks 6 to 12) have been pretty tough. We've had a couple of scares that all might not be well for the baby and the picture above, taken two days ago, is actually the fifth ultrasound I've had to have. For the last three weeks I have been on "complete bed rest"...which does not have the same meaning when you have a toddler as it does when it is your first pregnancy, I imagine. My version of "complete bed rest" has been to let Kristoffer do a lot on the nights and weekends, to give my housekeeper more responsibility on the days she is here, to hire someone to come play with Grace for 3-4 hours every day or two so that I can stay off my feet a little bit, and to nap every moment that Grace is napping. It might not be the most complete "complete bed rest", but it has been the best I could do and it has helped (in addition to some extra vitamins and hormones). We believe that our little one is truly a fighter, surviving odds that might have been against him or her, and so the name "Rocky" seems quite fitting...even for a girl!

Other than pure exhaustion - all the time! no matter how long I've slept! - I have had many usual first trimester symptoms quite similar to my pregnancy with Grace. As we move into the second trimester this week we hope that my food aversions and sickness will subside and that I will get a bit more energy to enjoy the middle phase of pregnancy (when I'm not yet waddling and can still sleep comfortably!). We are also looking forward to preparing Grace for life as a big sister. As Kristoffer said to her a few days ago, "Grace, I think you are very catered to...but only until February!"

So let the countdown begin and cheers to the next six months of preparation for our family to grow!

LMW