January 12, 2013 - On Parenting

Parenting comes with very high hopes, goals and expectations.  Like most other parents, we strive to do all the right things for our kids: provide for all of their basic needs, feed them healthy, give them a good and predictable routine, play with them, teach them everything we know (and think we know), love them crazy and unconditionally but set boundaries and limits and provide discipline that does not include screaming at them, give them new and interesting opportunities, etc...you know, the works!  

And there is a lot of pressure to be the "perfect" parent in our society right now; just this week alone I read quite a few articles or blogs about "mompetition" or "the mommy wars" and how much stress these societal dynamics cause. It can be really overwhelming, so I just try to remind myself that most days we are doing well and the kids are doing well and we're all trying our best, and hopefully we have more wins than losses on the "good parenting" front. 

But some days (yesterday, specifically), we can't stop yelling at them!  Absolutely everything they do drives us crazy and we literally can't stop yelling.  And we feel tired and frustrated and exasperated, even though they are pretty awesome.  And then we feel really guilty about all of that yelling and end up letting them eat popcorn in front of the TV for dinner while watching a Disney movie and totally skipping their bath and blowing off their usual bedtime routine.  And every now and then that has to be OK too.  They're still well and we'll just try again tomorrow.

LMW

October 8, 2011 - Parent's Day

Yesterday was "Parent's Day" at Grace's school.  The first half of it included a psychologist facilitating a discussion about discipline and the second half of it was in Grace's classroom with her teacher, learning about her goals and methods and their "curriculum" for the year, etc.  

Within the first part, I liked being split into small groups to discuss a discpline-related question. I met some new parents and thought that our discussion was interesting.  The psychologist herself made some good points, but I was not a huge fan of her delivery.  I thought she made a lot of generalizations and was trying too hard to be funny; she also seemed to hope that our discussion would be more dramatic than it was.  Most parents seemed pretty happy with a "no drama" afternoon though.  She started off by saying that she didn't like teenagers, the population I happily used to teach.  I kept telling my friend next to me that I better not make any comments or else it could have quickly turned into my own lecture!

Time in the classrooms was, I think for all parents, the real reason we were there.  It was nice to hear about the structure and routine of Grace's morning at school and all the reasons why her teacher is or isn't doing certain things.  I genuinely think she has another fantastic teacher this year, who is both loving but firm and aspires for all of her students to be very independent and well-mannered.  I was also so happy to hear that Grace's behavior has been great for the last two weeks.  It seems that the bully has left the building!  PHEW! I truly believe that most of that "acting out" was related to Noah' increasing mobility in our home and, perhaps, some competition with another child in her class (I didn't blog about it, but two weeks ago I actually had a meeting in the Headmistress' office because Grace not only pushed and hit other children that day but also talked back to the Headmistress!).  I think communicating regularly with the school and remaining loving but consistent in our discipline at home helped get Grace through a sort of developmental "crisis".  Let's hope we have a break before the next one comes along :)

It struck me as funny - although not that surprising! - that of all the parents in Grace's class yesterady (her class has 15 students and we were 8 parents), the only people asking questions were me and the other American mother in the class!  I think I am still getting used to being the parent and not the teacher, but I really enjoyed some hours at Grace's school in that role. 

LMW