November 11, 2010 - 28 weeks (and 2 days)

For a minute when I was typing the title of this blog I wrote "38 Weeks"...because that is how I look and feel! But alas, we are just starting our third trimester now and this kid still has a lot of time left in the oven before s/he is fully cooked.

I was officially 28 weeks along on Tuesday. To celebrate, I was admitted to the hospital AGAIN. Oh, the drama. Grace had been a little bit sick over the weekend with some kind of stomach bug - probably that she picked up at school - and on Monday night the same bug attacked me. Only my immune system is not very strong and it attacked me a lot more seriously than it attacked Grace. Completely dehydrated and having serious abdominal cramps, my doctor was quite nervous that those conditions can lead to pre-term labor and so I was admitted to the hospital to get re-hydrated. Coincidentally, they found a separate bacterial infection that was just beginning as well and so I was put on antibiotics. Luckily, pre-term labor did not start and Rocky remains on the inside with a strong heartbeat the whole time. Crisis averted, again!

Poor Grace, who has to get used to her mother being absent for these medical mishaps, did great without me. Unfortunately, the symptom that overtakes her the most during any kind of change or routine-disruption is that she stops eating, which is also the one thing that her little under-weight self cannot afford to do! So she hasn't been eating well but has otherwise been great for Rose, who took her to and from school in my absence and tried very hard to feed her and played played played with her a lot. Again, if all of this had happened before Rose we would have been really stressed, but luckily I could rest easily in the hospital knowing that between Rose and Kristoffer Grace was in good hands (Kristoffer also got hit with the bug Tuesday night, but seemed to recover much more quickly).

So now I am back home, in bed, tidying up my life and trying to fight off thoughts of "What's next?" between now and the end of January. I think that given the trauma we had at the start of our pregnancy, my weeks of bronchitis and pneumonia at the end of my 1st trimester and beginning of my 2nd trimester, my 25th week scare, and these infections to kick off trimester 3...well, I just think that we should be granted a bit of smooth sailing from now on. I told the nurses on my way out, some of whom know me pretty well by now, that I refused to see them again until there was an actual baby being born!

My monthly picture at 28 weeks has not yet been taken - believe me, it would have broken the camera on Tuesday - but I'll get Kristoffer to take one tonight or tomorrow so you can see how large and in charge I am. Then perhaps we'll play a little guessing game...what kind of baby do you think is kicking around in there?!

LMW

November 5, 2010 - Rose is a Rose

So I am about to write something that anyone who has been reading this blog for the last few years would never expect me to write: I love our housekeeper. My battle against having Kenyan staff has finally come to a close as I now finally realize what many other people living abroad have discovered: if you find the right person it is amazing to have help in your home!

Since I have been forced to rest for the last few weeks, Rose has not only cleaned places that I know not one other housekeeper ever cleaned in two+ years of living in this house, but she has also earned Grace's trust and love, and brought a true sense of calm and orderliness to our home. Rose is easy to communicate with, she is genuinely concerned about what/how I'm doing and if there is anything else she can do to help me, and she clearly loves Grace. So now I really do get it! If Rose had been with us since we moved here I would have had a VERY different perception of having staff and of Kenyans who are domestic workers in general. Rose is professional and polite; she always does things the way I ask her to even if her way is different (if I even feel like I need to ask her, which is rare); we have really nice and interesting conversations. I especially love that she is always teaching Grace when they play. Whatever they are doing, she is counting or saying the alphabet, practicing days of the week or colors, and singing songs. It is truly a pleasure to have her here; since I can't be the one pushing Grace on the swing every afternoon, I am glad it is Rose.

For awhile, when I was trying to work things out with our former housekeepers, I was worried that maybe I am a crazed, neurotic (dare I say a word that rhymes with witchy) woman who doesn't want anyone else to be with my child and will never be able to trust anybody who isn't related to us. I feared, for better or worse, that the problem was really with ME and not them. But having Rose here has taught me that NO! It wasn't ME! It was THEM! They were not right for our house, our family, our child. My maternal instincts didn't trust them because they weren't trustworthy. I trust and appreciate and am comfortable with Rose in our house and with Grace because she instills and provokes those feelings and because she is the right fit for us. PHEW! What a relief to finally not be stressed in my own home. Particularly given the pregnancy drama we've had with Rocky and the fact that we have no family or extremely close friends here in Nairobi since the family across the street moved, it is just nice to feel like we have a little bit of backup should we need it.

I am so grateful that we found her when we did. Her name says it all :)

LMW

November 4, 2010 - Counting to 10

Grace has been learning to count and whenever Rose is pushing Grace on her swing, she is counting! Her pronunciation isn't perfect, of course, but it's also not too bad. We can't figure out what she has against the number 8 - she won't say it and always does 9 two times. Still pretty cute!

LMW

November 4, 2010 - Bedrest Book Review

This week I finished one book and am slowly working my way through another. The book I read is....

Freedom by Jonathan Franzen (2010)

Fiction. Recommended by my friends Amy and Joanna, read it with my friend Victoria, and Oprah's most recent book club pick.

So...I was really disappointed in this book. I have never read Jonathan Franzen before, although he is critically acclaimed. There has been a lot of hype about his latest work of fiction and, really, I just didn't get it. I thought it was often long-winded and boring; often trying way too hard, and my overarching feeling is that the book couldn't decide what it was about, or rather Franzen couldn't decide what he wanted the book to be about: freedom, environmentalism, war politics, family dysfunction, depression, love, feminism, religion, overpopulation, capitalism, and on and on. By choosing to comment on so many issues, I felt he actually didn't tackle any of them in a meaningful way. I didn't find any of his characters to be sympathetic, and really only liked 1, maybe 2, of them even a little bit (and they were the most minor characters!). His writing is definitely intellectual and even though I don't consider myself to be anti-intellectual, I just couldn't stand it. The book is quite long and I read it quickly in two days because I just wanted it to be over so badly. I actually wouldn't recommend this book, except perhaps to people who already love Franzen because maybe they get him in a way that I don't.

LMW

November 3, 2010 - Andover Comes to Kenya

It is always a little strange for me when my different lives collide in any way. Last night it happened here in Kenya and was very cool.

I received an email a few weeks ago from a great guy named David who is not only from my hometown of Andover, Massachusetts but also went to Syracuse and was an intern working with me at the High School for Leadership and Public Service in 2006 and was writing to let me know that he was coming to Kenya. I'm not exactly sure that I can call him my stalker - but there are very few people (if anyone else) who have overlapped into so many of my worlds!

David came to Kenya with Bill Fahey from Andover Youth Services and his fellow musicians in the band, Grimis, to record some performances of a choir from a rural school in Kisii, Kenya; hopefully they will make a CD from their recordings and be able to sell the music to raise funds for the school. The school became connected with Andover Youth Services two years ago when another Andover woman came to volunteer at the school with her family over Thanksgiving.

So last night Kristoffer and I headed out to a big Nairobi restaurant to meet the group at the end of their trip. They had a successful and interesting visit to Kisii and checked out the Masai Mara as well. Half of the group was headed back to Boston last night but David and his bandmates (Pete and Andy) stayed over with us before heading to Mombasa today.

Bill Fahey has been the director of Andover Youth Services since 1994 and in his first summer in that position I participated in a teen camp of sorts in the summer between 8th and 9th grades. I haven't seen Bill since graduating from high school and it was really weird to see him in Nairobi last night (with his 15-year old daughter in tow)! My worlds colliding! But, again, it was very cool :) Any taste of home is greatly appreciated these days so while I sported a maternity Red Sox tshirt (thanks, Mom!) I was very happy to be surrounded by Boston accents for an hour.

Bill, me (+Rocky), and David

LMW

October 28, 2010 - Bedrest Book Review

This week I only managed to read one book, not necessarily for lack of wanting to read more, but this particular read was one that required a little more time and attention than anticipated. Note, this review is a long one.

It's Our Turn to Eat: The Story of a Kenyan Whistle-Blower by Michele Wrong (2009) Non-fiction.

Chosen for a "book club" that Kristoffer and I have started with each other; he is also reading it. Recommended by several friends in Nairobi.

I am not 100% a fan of Michela Wrong's style of writing; I think she often uses 20 words when she really only needs 10 and unnecessarily peppers her writing with dramatic cliches and proverbs. That aside, this was a very interesting and useful book to read and I learned a lot about the country I have lived in for almost 3 years now.

Wrong tells the story of John Githongo, a Kenyan man who, in his role as the government's anti-corruption czar beginning in 2003, uncovered an expansive corruption scheme within the government that robbed Kenyan taxpayers of over $1 billion (the scandal is known as Anglo-Leasing). The book recounts a lot of Kenyan history, much of which I didn't know, and specifically explores the roots of corruption at all levels of society. It provides an indepth look at the history of Kenya's tribalism - the good, the bad, and the very very ugly - and how corruption was more than just an extraneous factor in causing the post-election violence of 2007/2008. Wrong uses Kenya as one example to explore different opinions about what can be done to actually improve the biggest factor impeding Africa's development. She presents a balanced view of the strengths and flaws of Githongo - not ever completely glorifying him as a hero, to my surprise - and she does not hold back in describing in detail the conclusions to which his evidence pointed. It is a pretty scathing picture - true, no doubt - of the Kenyan government (past and present, equally) and the elite of Kenyan society, while also questioning the intentions and actions of the larger donor community and their actual commitment to ending corruption.

The last two chapters of the book cover the time period when we arrived in Kenya and what happened in the 2007 election. Reading this journalist's experience of our first days and weeks in the country was sort of a WOW moment for me. I can't believe we were here for that! Honestly, if I had read this book before our move, I am not sure that we would have ever made it...because those were extremely dark days for the country, and now I realize that they were much, much darker than we ever knew at the time. But, of course, John Githongo's story gives hope - not that corruption in Kenya is going to end any time soon, but that if more and more individuals stand up against corruption - regardless of the personal risk to themselves and even if only in very small ways - several generations down the line might have a chance of knowing a different Kenya.

If you are interested in learning more about "real" Kenya - not the cozy, expat, safari-on-the-weekend, easy-Africa Kenya that Kristoffer and I live in, but - the real Kenyan's Kenya, you should read this book (unless you're my mother. Then don't read it. Ever.).

LMW

*Note: almost every bookstore in Kenya refuses to sell the book out of fear of retribution from the government, so it is only sold at the UN and on the black market. That tells you something!

October 26, 2010 - Car Wash

We F I N A L L Y bought a new car last week, after months of not really having a reliable car of our own. Our new Toyota Ipsum seats 7 people (a model made only in Japan; called a multi-purpose vehicle, it is a station wagon just shy of being a minivan), which will be perfect when Rocky arrives and we have visitors, and is an extremely smooth ride. We are very happy about it and Grace in particular still shouting "new car! new car!" every time she is in it.

Today she decided to help Charles wash the car with a little help from Rose too. It was so funny; they couldn't get over how seriously she was taking the job. She was following Charles around like a shadow, telling him, "wash the car, wash the car".

I guess it is never to early to start building a resume for summer employment opportunities in her teen years. Maybe she'll work at a car wash!

LMW

October 24, 2010 - Go Pats!

Happy Halloween! We celebrated a little bit early this year. My parents sent a package to us with a friend coming back to Kenya from the US. I say "us", but really the Halloween candy was intended for Grace. Bad Mama that I am, when she refused the first bite of a Pumpkin Peep I proceeded to devour the rest of it. Whoops!

Then today, one of the boys in Grace's class had a 2nd birthday party that was also a Halloween party. Kristoffer took Grace this afternoon dressed as the cutest Patriots' cheerleader ever. Thank you to Auntie Meghan and Joanna for supplying Grace's costume (a VERY long time ago!).

It may be a much smaller scale of Halloween at home and it might be all the celebrating we do, but our little cheerleader doesn't know that and I am glad she got the chance! She was very happy to wear her costume and told us many times: "pretty dress, pretty dress!"

LMW

October 23, 2010 - Minor Detail

I've recently received a few emails from people indicating some confusion about our life here: isn't Kristoffer's contract ending in November? aren't we moving? what is going on?

So it occurred to me that even though we've had a revised set of plans since the end of August, I never officially told the world. Sorry, world!

Kristoffer's contract at the UN World Food Programme in Kenya does end at the end of November. BUT he was offered a one-year extension to stay in Nairobi and continue his work, and a lack of other opportunities within WFP right now made us jump at the opportunity. Needless to say that it would not be convenient to be moving either to a brand new country or in with either of our families at 7+ months pregnant with a toddler in tow. So we are staying in Nairobi for now and hope that will allow for both the smoothest transition from "Family of 3" to "Family of 4" and the exploration of more and different career opportunities for Kristoffer. We are grateful that the Danish government (who for 3 years has footed our bill entirely) and WFP were able to reach a 50/50 agreement to allow us to stay for a 4th year, which is pretty unprecedented in the JPO world (JPO = Junior Professional Officer, the program that many governments have to recruit young professionals into international development organizations).

Sorry for not sharing that information sooner, and please consider this an invitation to come visit sometime in the next 13 months!

LMW

October 21, 2010 - Bedrest Book Reviews

I have read three books in my first official week of taking it easy and, because I am a little bit on the bored side, I'll take advantage of my blog to write some book reviews. Don't worry, it will only last until Rocky arrives (if that long) and I'll try to keep my reviews somewhat brief. I don't have a system - 4 stars, 2 thumbs up, or anything like that - but I will be honest about what I thought of the book or what it did/didn't do for me.

The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz (2007)

Fiction. Recommended to me by one of my former students in New York City.

Takes place in Paterson, New Jersey and chronicles one family's history in the Dominican Republic under the rule of Dictator Rafael Trujillo. Different from anything else I've ever read. It gave me a lot of insight into Dominican culture, which was interesting after teaching a large population of Dominican students in New York, and also taught me a lot about Dominican history. It isn't a happy story, though. The main character, Oscar, is a tortured boy who doesn't fit the typical Dominican male stereotype of his homeland, but also doesn't fit in in Paterson either. He is overweight, has no "game" whatsoever, is obsessed with science-fiction and fantasy and writing, and is possibly the biggest romantic ever to live, all factors which conspire against him. I am sure some of the magic of this story was lost on me with a lot of Spanish in the book, a lot of slang, and a lot of cultural references that I didn't understand. To help non-Dominican or non-sci-fi-loving readers at least somewhat, the author filled the story with historical, cultural, and literary footnotes. The writing style is non-traditional, very modern, and sometimes it took me a few minutes of reading to figure out who the narrator was or what time period/setting we were in. I can't say that I loved it, but I did find it interesting and was eager to reach its conclusion.

Zeitoun by Dave Eggers (2009)

Non-fiction. Recommended by Matt Weiss and Meghan Woo, who left the book here after their visit in the summer.

The story describes the experience of Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath for an upper-middle-class Muslim-American family living in New Orleans. The blurred lines between the government's approach to addressing the city's problems while still fighting its war on terror on the home-front were news to me. It is an educational story filled with rage and fear and love and sorrow and politics and EVERYTHING. Dave Eggers, already an amazing writer, really outdid himself with this book, working with and receiving full cooperation from the family, who donate all proceeds of the book to their foundation to promote religious tolerance and help rebuild New Orleans. It is, by far, the most important piece of writing I have read in a very, very long time. It should be used in high school and college classrooms the world over to teach writing, religion, politics, and history. B-r-i-l-l-i-a-n-t.

The Alchemist by Paola Coelho (1988)

Fiction. Recommended by lots of people in the world.

This was a book I've had on my "read" list for years, but I've just never gotten around to it before now and BOY WAS I MISSING OUT. Written in 1988 by the Brazilian Coelho, the story is spiritual and religious, it is "new age" and traditional, it is magical and down-to-earth. Telling the tale of one boy's journey towards his "Personal Legend", Coelho pushes the idea that if you want to achieve or accomplish something, all the universe will conspire to help you do it. The story teaches of love and courage and free-will. It is a simple story - a fable, actually - that reminded me of The Little Prince (I know I'm not the only one...); it was also a nice reminder that something so simple could be so profound. Kristoffer read it a long time ago and when I finished it last night, we ended up having a really important discussion about it and our lives for the rest of the evening. It also made me itch a bit to get into the classroom...from the minute I finished it my brain was coming up with ideas for teaching the text to my students! What fun that would have been!

Stay tuned for next week's reviews...and happy reading of your own in the meantime! Also, if you have suggestions for what I should be reading and reviewing, please let me know.

LMW

October 20, 2010 - Yard Work

While I was in the hospital, Kristoffer and Grace took care of some "yard" work at home. She learned the tricks of the trade while helping Hans and Farmor in Denmark and proved to be an equally useful companion for Kristoffer.

It wasn't all work and no play though! Grace enjoyed playing in her new playhouse/sandbox and on her swingset.

The two of them have become quite attached to each other in the last week. Grace no longer needs Mama to do a lot of things she used to need Mama to do, because Far does them in a much funnier way! Last night Kristoffer explained it this way: "I like to think of her...as my sidekick!" What a pair!

LMW

October 17, 2010 - Bedrest Blog

Last week ended with a little bit of baby-drama for us. In the middle of the day on Thursday I began to bleed and was admitted to the hospital for 48 hours. It was one of the scariest experiences Kristoffer and I can recall having...in my 25th week of pregnancy, we certainly feared that the worst outcome was coming true and that we would lose Rocky. Luckily for all of us, God had other plans.

My doctor instantly found a strong heartbeat and throughout the whole ordeal the baby never stopped moving around. An ultrasound confirmed no signs of bleeding and that the baby was very active, very healthy, and was developing perfectly on schedule. So despite our worst fears, we were never losing the baby. Maybe we were just getting a BIG WARNING from Rocky and from God: "Hey Mom! SLOOOOW DOWN!"

Because there were no signs of where the bleeding came from or why it happened, and thankfully it stopped pretty quickly, my doctor and her colleagues seem to feel that perhaps the placenta started to detach just the tiniest bit, which caused the bleeding. If it had been completely detaching, then I would have felt extreme pain, instead of a few minor cramps, and it would have shown up in the ultrasound. There was no evidence of it being detached at all, so it had to have been just a tiny tear. As a precautionary measure, I was given a dose of steroids to accelerate the baby's lung development; just in case something would happen that would result in premature delivery, it gives the baby the best chance of survival on the outside.

In the last few weeks since we let our housekeeper go, I have been going non-stop doing even more than I was doing when I wasn't pregnant: all the cooking, all the laundry and cleaning, my regular shopping plus a little bit of extra "nesting" shopping, hunting for cars, having playgrounds and furniture made, visiting schools for Grace, and the usual running around after Grace. We are hoping this was just a BIG RED FLAG that I need to not be doing ANY of that for the remainder of the pregnancy to give this baby and my body some rest.

So I am home from the hospital now. Luckily on Thursday we were trying out a new housekeeper, Rose, who we liked and will now also have to be a nanny to Grace since I am supposed to be off of my feet for the long haul. So much for part-time, she'll be full time starting tomorrow. I've been given permission to do a little bit of walking around the house every 2 hours to avoid getting blood clots, and I am allowed to slowly walk up/down the stairs no more than 2 times a day. No more carrying Grace, or anything else for that matter. I will see my doctor again on Friday for a check-up and we'll go from there. I am following every direction she gives me, even though it is already boring and I feel completely useless in my own home!

I am fortunate to have the greatest husband ever. He has been doing everything since Thursday - and he and Grace have forged quite a bond, spending more time together (2 nights alone!) than ever before. It is actually very sweet to observe and to know that our family unit is strong. Grace was terrified to see me in the hospital; on her first visit it took her an hour before she would talk to me or touch me or anything. But by the time they picked me up yesterday she was comfortable in my hospital room, but very ready for Mama to come home.

As we adjust to the reality of the next few months, we appreciate all of the support and love and prayers of our friends and family. I think we will ALL be very glad come the end of January* when Rocky arrives, safe and healthy and as cute as his/her big sister!

LMW

*the decision has officially been made that I will have another c-section at the end of my pregnancy, most likely a week or 10 days before my due date. This will make ALLLLL of us feel better about avoiding any potential risks or complications bringing Rocky into the world.

October 13, 2010 - Monkeying Around

Grace started "Monkeynastix" two weeks ago and today was her third class. It is a 30-minute gymnastics/healthy lifestyle class for kids over the age of 1 once a week for ten weeks. "Monkeynastix" is an international program and an expat here owns a franchise that she runs in most of the international schools and in several home playgroups (with 3-4 trained Kenyan teachers on staff).

Our Tuesday morning class is supposed to have 4 kids in it: the first week there were 8 or 9 kids with 2 teachers (then they made 2 smaller classes), the second week it was 3 kids with 3 teachers, and today Grace was the only one who showed up! So she had 2 teachers all to herself for a really fun 30 minutes. I happily took some pictures while she was on the go. It was hard to capture everything she did because the whole point is for them to be moving a lot.

They start off doing stretches to music (she can do 2 of the 3 stretches by herself now) and then do a little bit of running. Each week there are then different props for activities like a trampoline, exercise ball, hula hoops, bean bags, tunnel, steps, etc. They work on jumping, rolling in different ways, throwing, balancing, etc. Grace has a special t-shirt and at the end of each class gets a sticker, which is by far her favorite part! For the rest of the day she showed me at least 50 times her sticker - she was so proud!

LMW

October 12, 2010 - 24

I'm 24 weeks pregnant today. Other than being completely exhausted because life is very busy these days, I am feeling well. Maybe I have a serious sciatic nerve problem on my right side and maybe everything I eat gives me indigestion. But I keep reminding myself how worthwhile these pings and pangs will be when Rocky comes into the world in only 16 more weeks (preferably 13 or 14 more weeks, I'll be honest). Rocky is kicking often; s/he seems to be more of an active night owl than a day bird, so we'll see how that translates to life on the outside. We have decided for sure on a girl's name and I did have a dream last week that Rocky is a girl (in my first baby dream, though, Rocky was a boy. And the same pattern happened when I was pregnant with Grace. Coincidence? We'll find out). A boy's name is still quite the debate in this household with no clear winner yet.

I am nesting A LOT. In addition to trying to get Grace's life and schedule settled, we've planned a vacation for the first week of November (our first week-long family trip that doesn't involve visiting our families in the US or Denmark AND my first trip to the Kenyan Coast! Mombasa, here we come!); we have had a playground built in our small backyard; we are in the process of buying a nice, spacious car that we can fit 2 children and visitors in; I have been interviewing housekeepers on the phone and in person; and, I am tidying up/organizing/re-decorating/purging everything possible. Will Rocky ever appreciate all these efforts? Probably not. But I will appreciate having a tidy life, if that is possible, when Rocky arrives.

Here's what 24 weeks looks like...and, yes, I am sure that there is only ONE Rocky in there.

LMW

October 8, 2010 - Day 3

Grace did great on Wednesday, day 2 of going to pre-school. She went right to her teacher in the morning to play and didn't notice that I slipped out. When I picked her up she was extremely happy and the teacher said had a great day.

Today, I suspected we might be in for a different story - but it didn't go the way I thought. Grace has not been on a good nap schedule this week and is still waking up too early in the morning (between 5 and 5:30). She used to go back to sleep for awhile, and even did so on Tuesday morning until 6:45!!! But since then she won't go back to sleep so she is pretty tired in the mornings. This morning was no exception and she was yawning as we got to her classroom. Today was the first day she didn't want me to leave and was saying "No more school". When her teacher distracted her with play-doh I slipped out of the room and hoped for the best. As Kristoffer says, some days he doesn't want to go to work either so it is to be expected.

I arrived to pick her up at 12:15 - my first day not going in to her classroom to get her but meeting her outside with the rest of the kids. Out parades the littlest class in the school following behind Miss Mbata...one, two, three, four, five, six little boys...but no Grace! Seeing the look of panic on my face, her teacher quickly told me "She's asleep in the classroom!" Apparently Grace was so exhausted that about 15 minutes before lunch was to be served, she lay herself down and fell asleep on the classroom rug. Oh, sweet thing. I had anticipated some crying and expected a tantrum today...but an actual nap? Didn't see that coming.

Her teacher said that is common for the little ones in the first couple of weeks of school. I am sure it would help if we could get her to sleep later in the mornings and take a nap at the same time every day (as opposed to her current hodge podge schedule of napping whenever she just completely wipes out). Any suggestions on making this work would be appreciated!

Miss Mbata said Grace did cry a little when she realized I had left this morning, but was easily and happily distracted by the books from "library day" and picked out a special book to bring home (which, of course, was one of her favorites that we already have!). She said she had a lot of fun before passing out...so at least she didn't go to sleep because she was so miserable.

Kristoffer is headed to "Parent Day" at school this afternoon. Kids aren't allowed to go so Grace and I will hang out at home while Far checks out her school and meets her teacher for the first time. I saw a sneak peek of some artwork that she did for the occasion...I don't think anything is cuter than kids at this age!

LMW

October 6, 2010 - "Life" Meets "Lees"

About a year ago, I noticed that there was another blogger following my blog. She was an American woman who has lived all over the world and had just moved to Nairobi with her husband, who is with the Foreign Service, and her two sons. She was reading my blog to learn about life in Nairobi, and I began reading her blog to learn more from a more experienced expat mom. One of the great things about reading Lees on the Go is that I often hear a voice who understands what I am going through and can identify with some of the harder-for-others-to-understand aspects of living in Nairobi. Trust me, there have been days when my sanity has been very grateful to have her blog to read.

So here we have been, living separately in the same world and reading about each other's lives, but not "actually" knowing each other. Until yesterday, that is! As Grace and I were waiting to buy some bread at the bakery, I got a little tap on my shoulder and there was my blogger friend standing in front of me! It was lovely to chat for awhile, and she even had her camera with her to take a picture (see the above link). It was one of the nicest surprises I've had while shopping in Nairobi and it really made my day :)

LMW

October 4, 2010 - First Day

Our morning started out kind of rough, I will admit. Grace woke up at 5 am and didn't ever completely go back to sleep, so that she was pretty whiny and grumpy between 7 and 8. Oh boy. Then she normally has a messy diaper right after eating breakfast, but today it never happened. I waited and waited and waited to bring her to school - still nothing. So finally I decided to pack her up and leave and she seemed pretty happy...

...only to discover that our rental car's battery was dead! HA! I couldn't make this up if I tried. So we waited to get jumped by a neighbor and made it to school just in the nick of time (although really in her class the time doesn't matter all that much).

When we got to school Grace seemed tentative. She was acting shy with her teacher until a little boy brought over a book about puppies. She squealed, "Doggies!" and never looked back.
Yes, I took pictures. I am sure I wasn't supposed to and I certainly didn't ask permission to, but this first-time-mom-who-has-never-left-my-child-with-anyone-but-her-grandparents-for-more-than-one-hour needed to.

I hid in the back of the classroom for 45 minutes and watched Grace play. She liked the slide and was happy to play with the boys as they raced cars and trucks and trains down the slide as well.

When morning play time was over, the teachers sang a little song about "tidying up" and all of the children put the toys away. Grace was a very good listener and cleaned up just what the teacher told her to. I got a kick out of when she started to reorganize the bookshelf as well! Then there was another song about picking up your chair and putting it on the carpet. All of the little boys grabbed a chair and made a line in front of the teacher. When Grace saw what they were doing she tried as well, but she is a bit smaller than the others and couldn't quite get it there on her own. With a little help, she found a good spot and was extremely attentive to the songs the teacher sang. The boys were doing hand motions, but Grace was just taking it all in.
Then it was storytime. The planets must have been aligned for us today because the morning's story was one of Grace's all time favorites, Brown Bear, Brown Bear, and she actually jumped out of her seat when the teacher started the story. The little boy next to her told her she had to sit down and she did, and as I snuck out of the room I could see that she was completely enthralled.
Of course when I left our rental car battery was dead again and we had to wait for another jump. I spent my hours away from Grace dealing with getting the owner of the car to come with a mechanic to replace the battery! When I picked Grace up a couple of hours later, the principal told me that during horse riding and "music and movement" Grace was not interested in participating but carefully watched the activities. She said that she didn't cry at all and followed directions very well. She was just finishing up eating her lunch when the teacher asked me to come in; I watched Grace washing her own hands at the little sink and using her own wash-cloth to dry her hands. When she saw me I got a HUGE smile and running hug and "Mama!" Her teacher said she was completely impressed; Grace is the only one in the class who didn't cry at all on her first day (you show those boys, Grace!). She said she didn't eat her snack but ate a good lunch and was very happy all morning.

Wow! I guess a mom couldn't hope for a better report than that. I thought she might fall asleep in the car, but it really took an hour of winding down at home before she was ready for her nap.

Congratulations to me for not crying this morning (maybe the car drama helped); I really feel so proud of Grace for having a good morning and it is really nice to have confirmation that we made the right decision.

LMW

October 3, 2010 - 'Twas the Night Before School Starts...

That's right. Grace starts "preschool" tomorrow morning. She is enrolled in a kindergarten that is 5 minutes from our house (after much research, our pick was also the closest to home!) and will be the youngest student in the school. Grace will spend three mornings a week in a class with six boys between 18 months and 2 1/2 years old. There are two teachers in the class and when we visited two times she seemed to like them and their classroom.

Our decision to enroll Grace so early comes from our desire for her to be exposed to more and to socialize more than our life in Nairobi has allowed so far. As her Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule is now she will get to do horse riding, music and movement, physical education and have library time in addition to regular play time outside and her classroom "theme" activities (this term the theme is "farm animals"). It is a Christian school so she'll also get some "Christian Education", where they talk about love and forgiveness and patience and respect through Bible stories and songs. We know many other expats - UN staff specifically - who send their children to this kindergarten and are very happy with it.

This has been a very difficult decision for me to come to terms with, even though I know that it is truly the right thing to do so that Grace is challenged and learns to play/share with other children. I can definitely feel that she has moments of boredom at home alone with me now and I hope this will help her develop even more (note: we are also having a small playground built in our teeny-tiny garden this week so that she can be outside more when we are at home). The educator in me knows this is the right thing for Grace, but the mama in me is sad that my baby is starting to leave the nest already! We also strongly believe that it will help Grace's adjustment to having a sibling if she has a bit of her own "schedule" and routine before Rocky's arrival. And, it will give me some scheduled time alone with Rocky which I am sure we will both appreciate when the time comes. But again, as I was packing Grace's bag for school last night, I was sobbing!

So her school bag is packed and hanging by the front door...

and this might be our little girl now, at the ripe old age of 19+ months...

(sporting new "special occasion" pajamas for the night before school!)

...but all is I can see when I look at her is this tiny little baby who I absolutely never want to let go.

There is no doubt in my mind that Grace will have a great day at "school" tomorrow, and I certainly hope for that. I, on the other hand, might need a stiff drink...scratch that, a pint of Ben and Jerry's, to wait out the three hours until I can pick her up again!

I promise to report on how we both do...

LMW

p.s. Happy happy birthday to my mom (yesterday) and Kristoffer's dad (today) and our niece Nikoline (also today)! Nikoline is the big 1-0 today - we hope you had a great time turning double digits!

September 30, 2010 - Another One Bites the Dust

Ok, so that isn't exactly the nicest title for this blog...but, yesterday we fired our housekeeper Jonipher. It is never easy to end a person's livelihood, even when you honestly know that it is the best decision for your family. It was a sad and awkward conversation, but in the end we did it and are relieved to have done it.

Over the last few months we have noticed that Jonipher hasn't been working that hard. After she leaves I am often finding things to dust everywhere and realizing what she didn't do during the day. We have asked her, showed her, almost begged her to wash her hands with soap several times a day, but still she won't do that. She also hasn't respected the hours of our contract: she'll come late most days and then think it is OK to stay late in the evening, which we don't like at all. No matter how many times I have talked to her about being on time, she is never in a rush to get here and is unapologetic about it. So in the end, even though she cooks nice vegetarian food and does a good job with our laundry and is pleasant to have in the house, we decided that her slacking was stressing us out too much. She would be better off with a family who wasn't as concerned about some of these issues or maybe someone who isn't in the house most of the time to see what she is or isn't doing.

She seemed genuinely surprised and had explanations for each of our critiques; she asked to be put on a warning system and for us to reconsider, but the warning system didn't work with Ida and it is too awkward when the employer (me) is around all the time. We compensated her well (3 months severance, which is A LOT in Kenya) and provided her with a general reference letter because we do think she is a nice person and hope she can get another job that is maybe a better fit for her. As Jonipher was leaving she said to Kristoffer, "I hope you don't think I've been stealing," which is an indication to us that at some point she probably has stolen from us (and that is not a total surprise either...a couple of times something has mysteriously gone missing and we have wondered if she was responsible). Yikes.

In the end she went nicely and politely and said she would love to come back if we changed our mind. There was no screaming or drama or trying to take our things, as when we let Ida last year. And so now we are left to figure out what to do next. There are a few realities that we are dealing with:

1. As expats, we are expected to employ Kenyans
2. Kenya is very, very, very dusty (you can dust the whole house from top to bottom one day, and then the next day see the new layer of dust)
3. We have a very big house
4. I am increasingly pregnant with an active toddler who likes my attention 150% of the time, if possible, and will eventually not be pregnant but will have a newborn and that same active toddler

We have to figure out exactly what kind of help we need and what kind of schedule would actually be helpful for our family if someone works in our home. We are hoping to find someone young (in her 20s...unlike me, sad), because a lot of the attitude I have gotten from the women we've hired has seemed related to their age over mine. We are also going to interview more people this time than we have in the past and in the meantime, we'll be a bit busier with housework than we normally are.

After almost three years in Kenya, employing staff and having people work in our home is still the thing that we dislike the most and are probably the worst at. It is uncomfortable and awkward and stressful...because it is cultural, personal, emotional, and professional all at the same time. I feel we are learning each time and one day - some day! - like so many of the more experienced expats we know, we will get it right.

LMW

September 28, 2010 - Two Weeks Later...

Two weeks ago we returned to Kenya after six weeks in Denmark (6 weeks for me and Grace; 3 weeks total, albeit broken up, for Kristoffer). It was a really bittersweet departure for us - we were happy to be coming back to Kenya as a family and to get used to being together again, but it was really, really hard to say goodbye.

Our trip was a real eye-opener for me in terms of: "Oh wow! We really do live in Kenya!" Everything is so easy in Denmark. You can walk or bike ride to the store in a few minutes and are quickly back home, instead of having to drive and wait (and sometimes haggle) for what you need. If you need to distract your toddler, you can just go for a walk to one of the (several) nearby playgrounds. Or if your toddler is having a hard time falling asleep for her nap, you can put her in the stroller and walk outside and within minutes she is sound asleep.

I also acutely realized a lot of the things that Grace is "missing" in her life. No, no, she does not have a difficult life at all. But we don't have access to a library, let alone one that offers not only books, but toys and activities/programs as well! She doesn't have access to many playgrounds, or "Mommy & Me" classes or activities. Our circle of "friends" is pretty small and logistical issues here (location, traffic, culture, people constantly moving away, etc) make it surprisingly not-that-easy to enlarge. These are "costs" of living here that make me sad from time to time, so I am working on changing things up a bit for sure (next blog, next blog).

We had a wonderful time seeing a lot of family and friends, but very specifically it was incredible of Kirsten (Farmor) and Hans to house us for so long. Grace had a rare and large amount of precious time with one of her three sets of grandparents who adored and doted on her to no end; she is still talking about them everyday, still doing things they showed her how to do, still playing games they played with her, still asking about them and requesting to talk to them on skype. Both of us improved a lot in our "Danish" - both culture and language - and I certainly got the rest I needed to continue making a happy home for Rocky on the inside.

We are so, so grateful for the time we spent at the Schmidt home in Varde, and that Kirsten and Hans fully let us into their lives and to invade their home for so many weeks. It is something that neither of us will ever forget (ok, I shouldn't promise that Grace won't forget because she is only 19 months old, but I do promise to remind her of our Danish summer so that she knows what a special time it was!).

Two weeks later we still miss Denmark, but we are settled back into our Kenyan life again. It has been a jam packed two weeks, to be quite honest, which I promise to tell you about soon...I am slowly getting back to writing and think I'll save our new stories for my next blog.

LMW

September 14, 2010 - "Rocky" Mountain High

Or at least I feel like I am carrying around a high mountain!

I am 20 weeks pregnant today - halfway there! - and flying back to Nairobi with Kristoffer and Grace after six wonderful weeks in Denmark (more on that in another blog coming soon). We are looking forward to an ultrasound scan and appointment with my doctor sometime this week to check on how the little one is doing. I am feeling well, despite still being tired all the time, and was very relieved to start feeling Rocky kicking around regularly three days ago (thought it would happen a lot earlier this time around so I was getting a bit nervous!).

Grace is usually very sweet to "the baby". She gives my belly kisses, says "nice nice, baby" and often places books and toys on my belly that she wants to share with the baby. This doesn't mean ANYTHING in the long term, I know, because the baby being on the inside is a very different situation than the baby being out in the world competing for Mama and Far's attention. BUT there were a few weeks where she was hitting my belly and saying "no, no baby" so at least we have moved on from there. Baby steps...naturally.

Cheers to a safe trip back to Nairobi with a much bigger Rocky in tow this time around!

LMW

September 12, 2010 -Hello, Jealousy

Hans' daughter Tina and her 8-month-old son Louis spent most of this week visiting us from Copenhagen. It was really nice to see them because we so rarely get to spend time with Tina when we are here and because Louis is just the sweetest baby ever. To prepare for their arrival, Grace enjoyed helping Hans bake some rye bread (rugbrød) last weekend.

When they arrived, Grace was pretty friendly to Louis at first. She learned to say his name right away and seemed very sweet.

The sweetness lasted until Mama or Farmor got too close to Louis or until he showed interest in something of hers. Then her true "I-don't-want-to-be-a-big-sister" colors started to show, complete with hitting, kicking, and throwing things at him. Of course this is typical of her age and you can't but understand why she would feel jealous, but we are hoping to work on changing her "anti-baby" attitude before Rocky's arrival in approximately 20 more weeks (or less)!

Luckily, Hans and some carrots were on call to provide some good distraction for Grace and Louis. They enjoyed looking at pictures and videos of themselves on Hans' computer! Hans said that overall it was a good day to be a grandfather!

Thank you, Tina and Louis, for a nice visit!

LMW

September 10, 2010 - Har du set min ynglingsbamse?

This little guy is Grace's "Bamse". Bamse means "teddy bear" in Danish, and that is what we named him when she got him as a Chrismas gift from her Bibi (our dear friend Jean in NYC). It didn't take long for Grace to fall in love with Bamse...for him to become her #1 "lovey". Sadly, though, on Wednesday afternoon we went for a walk with Far, who recently arrived from Nairobi. We went to a nearby shop and to the closest playground, and Grace brought Bamse along with us. At some point along the way Bamse got lost and I didn't notice (oh the guilt....). When it was time for bed that night, we had a slightly frantic Grace calling "Bamse! Bamse! Bamse" as we realized what happened.

Farmor's bike ride around our route on Thursday morning yielded no results in the search for Bamse. We went back to the store we were in and even the one next door, neither of which had seen Bamse. The store we didn't even go to felt so bad that they gave Kristoffer a free little Winnie-the-Pooh bear to be Grace's new Bamse. When he came out to the car with the new (pretty ugly) little bear and told Grace, "here is your new Bamse" she was happy for a short period of time and I proceeded to cry for 15 minutes. Call it pregnancy hormones or parental guilt or just me being crazy...but I felt so sad that we've lost Grace's comfort item.

Later in the afternoon, I discovered how to get a new, old-Bamse. For a $35 donation to Habitat for Humanity, the same bear will be delivered to our US address in 6-8 weeks. Another 2 weeks later we should have him in Kenya...but now I REALLY understand what they were talking about when several parents told me to have a back up of your child's favorite stuffed animal...just in case! (at least I donated to a good cause!)

In the meantime, Grace realized that new Bamse was not nearly as wonderful as old Bamse and was calling for him, searching the house, crying for him, asking everyone where he was! With some help from Tina (Hans' daughter who was visiting us with her sweet son Louis) we made a sign asking "Har du set min ynglingsbamse?" (Have you seen my favorite Bamse?) to place around the neighborhood just in case someone happened to pick up Bamse.

Kristoffer made fun of me A LOT (you are probably with him on this one) but he did come along as we went out in the cold rain with Grace to hang up some signs along the route we took that day.

The things you do for your children! We haven't received any phone calls yet, but at least I feel like we did all we could to find Bamse. Worst case scenario: in two months Grace will be reunited with Bamse again. Kristoffer insists that she'll have forgotten the whole thing by then, but I know that she'll be happy to see her dear friend.

LMW

Note: this story is dedicated to my sister, Meghan. Almost 30 years later, she still holds it against my father that one Halloween when they were trick-or-treating and she lost her witch's wig, he wouldn't go back out to find it for her. The holiday was practically ruined for her forever! I am hoping we are NOT in the same situation when Grace is in her 30s.

September 4, 2010 - Grace's Love Life

On Thursday afternoon Grace had a play-date with Malde, the grandson of Kirsten and Hans' very good friends, who is just a couple of weeks older than Grace.

Meet Malde....

He is a very cute, sweet boy. My camera wasn't working well on Thursday so I couldn't capture how nicely they played together or how sweet it was when they kissed goodbye.

But then on Friday - the very next day - he called. We all know that a boy must really like a girl to call the day after their first date, so this was a big deal. And okay okay, so maybe it was his grandmother calling her grandmother, but still...he wanted another play-date as soon as possible!

So Grace and Malde had their second date today. She was talking about it all morning: "Malde come, Malde come, Malde come." When he arrived, they said hi to each other but played it a little bit shy to start.

They "rode" to the playground separately...

but they played on the swing together...

and they rode home from the playground together, happily sharing an apple...

and they played in the sandbox together...

and, most importantly for the romantics out there to note, they ate chocolate together and finished with a kiss!

I would say their second date was as sweet as their first. Keep your eyes open for a wedding invitation in your mailbox in about twenty five years from now!

LMW

September 2, 2010 - "Own bag. Own bag. Own bag."

Kirsten signed us up for a baby music class at the library this morning. I was pretty excited because we don't really get such an opportunity in Nairobi. This morning after I packed up my bag with all the necessary paraphernalia, Grace was trying to carry it although it was way too big for her. Without really thinking about it I asked her if she wanted her own bag. She then repeated it a couple times: "Own bag. Own bag. Own bag."

Wanting to be prepared for such an occasion, I bought Grace a cute, small elephant bag in Nairobi many months ago. But of course I didn't bring it with us to Denmark! Lucky for me Kristoffer's mom recently discovered a backpack from when Kristoffer went to daycare and gave it to me last week. So I found Kristoffer's little bag, let Grace put one of her rubber ducks and a favorite book inside it (Jean and Jen - her Countdown Safari book has become a must-read, a couple times a day!), and put the bag on her. Of course we had to take it off in the car, but walking from the car to the library she said over and over and over and over again, "Own bag. Own bag. Own bag," with extreme pride. Kirsten and I couldn't help but notice that, as small as she is, she really looked like she was ready to go off to school!

I hoped to have more pictures and video from the music class, but my camera battery died just at the beginning. Grace was much older than the other babies (who were all actually babies!) except for one baby's big sister, but she did quite well. The teacher and the singing made her so relaxed that I couldn't believe how calm and still my little busy-body was for the whole hour.

Here is Grace wearing her "Own bag. Own bag. Own bag."

Cutest. Thing. Ever.

LMW