June 3, 2012 - Circus Pictures

The Dancing Ballerina (aka Princess)

 Her brother who was dying to get his hands on one of those parasols...

Later on, Grace and her friend Freya were the horse from the circus while Solveig was their master.  

So cute!

LMW

June 3, 2012 - Under the Big Top

On Friday, The Nordic School held its annual "Circus Badutski", during which all children performed in some part of the big show.  It was adorable.  Kristoffer liked it more than Grace's "shows" in Nairobi because it was less strict and the kids were a lot more free/creative.  We were surprised to learn a few weeks ago that Grace would be performing as a princess...because she is really not a princessish type of girl. But, indeed, hers was maybe the 4th or 5th act in the circus and was the performance of beautiful dancing ballerinas with some elephants.  I could not believe that she smiled and twirled the whole time.  No stage freight.  No crying.  No shock.  Amazing.  I would say she has come a long way since her first performance a year and a half ago (you'll remember it here...).  The other parts of the show were also very sweet, but check out our dancing ballerina below.

At the end of the circus, the whole school sang two national anthems.  Because Grace's school includes children who are Danish, Swedish and Norwegian I guess they had to pick just one anthem to do...and they picked Sweden.  It is hard to tell in the video, but Grace does know the words (which we learned since she has been singing it at home since Friday).  Some of her teachers are Swedish and they speak to her in Swedish, she must have some understanding of the language.  After that came the Tanzanian national anthem sung in Kiswahili, which she also knows the words to and can sing on her own.  She is truly a child of the world :)

Circus Badutski was a great way to start off the weekend, as there was a family BBQ that followed into the evening.  And yesterday morning Grace was invited for a playdate at one girl's house, where we dropped her off and left her to play for 3 hours on her own.  It was her first unaccompanied playdate and she was both very well-behaved (we're told) AND had a wonderful time (followed by a 3 hour nap).  She is so big now! 

Summer vacation starts after this week and we'll be doing a play group with 3 other girls from Grace's class.  Mondays they will all be here, and Tuesdays through Thursday each other family will host the girls for the day.  Here's hoping it keeps Grace busy and happy with her friends until school starts again in August (at which time Noah will be going in the mornings as well).  

LMW

June 2, 2012 - The DG

Oh, Day Guard...we were trying so hard to like you! But alas, you're fired. 

I have written about our clueless-but-friendly Day Guard before. Since then I think he has grown on me a little bit...or at least he has gotten a bit faster at the gate so I don't have to honk for him to let me in or out and that makes me like him more. And Noah likes to wave to him and bring him flowers when we are walking around outside. But there is something about him that is a little bit...shady. So today when Kristoffer found a pair of his fancy squash socks (easily his favorite article of clothing) hanging in the guard's shed, the DG became a suspect. 

Kristoffer asked the other workers on the compound who the socks belonged to and they told him "the guard." Then he asked Rose and she suspected the DG because she thinks she saw him taking stuff from the other workers one time when they were on a lunch break. She said she never leaves anything outside now because she thinks he is a thief (great insight...would have been great to know that sooner...). So then he went to the DG and had a conversation that went a little something like this (as immediately reported to the security company): 

K: Are these your socks? 

DG: Yes they are my socks.  

K: Are you sure? Because I had two pair of this same type of socks. They were given to me by my sister in-law two Christmases ago. They are special socks because they are used to play the game squash, which I play, and you can only get them in America. [shows him the special reinforcement for squash players] So are you sure they are not mine? 

DG: OK, they are yours. 

K: You know, sometimes I dry my clothes on the balcony and sometimes they fall to the ground during the rains, but it still means they are my socks. 

DG: Sure. 

The email to his boss that followed requested that we get a new DG and that the current DG not be allowed back on our compound to work. This was a difficult decision, actually, because we don't like to get him fired and because, of course, he knows where we live and could end up knowing our next guard. But if we let it go thie time it is likely that he will just take more things or more valuable things. So we are not likely to see him after this weekend. His day off is Tuesday and the guy who works that day is no big treat either...he takes two plastic chairs, puts his feet up on one of them, pulls his hat down and sleeps until I honk for him to let me in or out. So let's hope that he doesn't get promoted to permanent DG and that our next guard is as great as our day guards were in Nairobi. Michael and George...we really miss you guys these days! I am so glad we tipped them well when we moved.

LMW

May 25, 2012 - One Week After!

Last blog from South Africa this time around. 

My Danish colleague and I hiked the table mountain yesterday and generally I can say that South Africa is quite amazing to visit, so that is officially on the list now.

We had a group dinner the other day and I was randomly seated with my Danish colleague from Dar and an East African man and a Nigerian man working outside Nigeria. We were all were in our 30s’ish (The Office) and all with children expect for the other Dane. Maybe because the Nigerian kept hitting on the waitress, we talked about marriage and affairs which ended up being almost too much to handle for the two Danes. A few highlights (WARNING: this is not for the fainthearted so stop now if you think you can’t handle it):

The problem is that you never know if the lady really loves you, she could just be with you because you have money, that is why it is better to marry someone from your own class.

If my wife was with another man that is the end of that marriage, and she knows that, but guys are adventurous and people accept that.

At my wedding my mother-in-law gave a toast where she told my wife: "Don’t think about what your husband does, that is his business, not yours. Focus on the things that are important. If he is out I wouldn’t worry as long as he has made sure that you have a good place to live and you have food and clothes. If a day comes where he is not taking care of you then we will start asking questions."

The girls I am having an affair with know that I am married, they know it is just for fun, they may try just to see if they can take it further but there is no obligation from my side – nothing is hidden. I don’t tell my wife but she knows what is going on. She just tells me before I am going away: “just be careful, there is HIV out there, there are other diseases – just be careful!’”

Women are just as bad as men, don’t give me that thing about their innocence, they chose us, they could choose not to get involved then. And do you know what happens if the lady finds out that you are firing blanks? Then to save your face [infertility among men in Africa is more embarrassing than impotence is in the west] she might sleep with another man and get pregnant with another man! Then you have to raise that kid even though it is not yours. Thank goodness we have DNA – then at least you can find out now.

After explaining the beauty of Ghanaian ladies we all agree that Ethiopian ladies are the most beautiful in Africa- easy call. But if you see one of these ladies are you not tempted? What holds you back? Why wouldn’t you pursue them? [almost saying, you’re not man enough] They keep pushing me and I say, "Well, of course I can recognize that a lady is beautiful," I explain, "but I feel if I eat of this cake over here [we’re having dessert] a slice will fall off the cake over here [referring to my own marriage]," Then there was dead silence – almost uncomfortably, as they may recognize that that could be a point. 

"But what do you do in church on Sunday morning?" I challenged them. 

God is forgiving – he understands. 

"What about the 10 commandments?" I try to talk about being faithful. 

You can’t change the path of a river. If a river wants to go here or there, there is no point in stopping it!  

Now just about to finish up for the night, my African colleague pulls my arm as he tells me, 

Do you know how long it took me to be with another lady after I got married? One week! 

The laughter crushes down like earthquake shaking down a small city as the two African men high five each other and let their heads back to let out the uncontrollable laughter. The other guys says

One week after...that means he was doing it all along!

Another high five reaffirms this statement as the laugher grows even higher and breathing now becomes difficult for the two men. 

The two of us now terrified Danes looked at each other in a “I want to go home!” kind of way. 

KW

May 25, 2012 - One Officially

I'm still at the training in Cape Town with colleagues all over Africa. I had lunch with a senior staff (about +55) from South Sudan the other day and it turned out to be quite interesting. 

"We are the youngest nation in the world, only one year old, our country has no debt. A country without debt – hard to imagine these days!"

Then the conversation shifted when I asked him how many children he had.  "I have 10 children." 

10 children I thought to myself - WOW! I followed up with the "obvious" question in this part of the world: "how many wives then?"

"Well, one officially [there is a law against polygamy]," he said in a very calm voice while chewing his food, "and then three unofficially – so that is four in total." This, of course, tells you that this guy is well off. Let’s be honest here, who can afford four wives in today’s world?! I used to have the need to ask or hint towards this not being completely fair to the four wives, but I am way beyond that point now.  I accept that it will take a few generations before this sort of thing is of the past. 

Still asking him many questions; he continued: "The price [in cows of course] of the women in our culture is measured by many factors. Beauty is a factor, if she is educated – you have to settle on a higher price for her. If she is of good family that might influence the price, but the most important thing is the tallness.  It is the most important factor." 

No wonder Sudanese are so unbelievably tall, I thought to myself. "Now, we have many many tribes in South Sudan and in some tribes they demand a very high price for their women – up to 300 cows [I, Kristoffer, laughed – that is ridiculous!]. Some men from that tribe travel north and marry women from my tribe where the price is significantly lower – around 10 cows. But then the women from the “high price tribe” complained and sent their leaders to my tribe to agree that the price in my tribe should be around 50 cows or the woman from the other tribe wouldn’t stand a chance."

And some more: "The issue with working for an international organization is that you can only claim one wife/dependent who would when receive medical insurance etc. The rest are not recognized. When choosing your wife, the father often won’t let you take her right away – even if you have the cows. In some areas you traditionally had to catch a lion ALIVE! To show commitment and bravery [Crazy Sudanese! I thought.]  I asked him, "Catch a lion alive? How do you do that?"   He told me, "It doesn’t matter how it is done – you just need to get it." 

I learned that in some places the man had to work without pay for two years at the father-in-law's farm to show that he could work hard and, again, his commitment. As the father of one daughter I personally appreciate the idea in this, but now am thinking – boy did I get off easy! [Thanks, Mike!]

KW  

May 25, 2012 - The Third Lane

This blog could alternately be titled "More Adventures in Driving".

Yesterday I ventured off the little peninsula we live on to find a "big" mall where I can stock up on some things at a lower price (like diapers and wipes...because our year's supply from the US is still sitting in our container, on the boat, off the port, etc.).  It was my first time driving there by myself and, I have to admit, I still have a bit of a "glowy" feel that I can do something like drive to the mall by myself...you know, after four years of being chauffered by Kristoffer or Charles.  So I popped in one of my favorite CDs from college and sang at the top of my lungs all the way to the mall.  It has been a long and tiring week (remember...we've got rats in the attic - now in the kitchen too! - and kids-who-wake-up-90-minutes-before-the-sun and Kristoffer doesn't get home until tonight) and this was very cathartic.

When driving from our house to the mall, there is really one main road with one very peculiar feature.  It has 3 lanes.  The two outer lanes are obvious - I was in the left lane going one way and the far lane to my right had cars going in the other direction.  But the middle lane.  Well...it is just anyone's guess!  So while driving here is great compared to Nairobi because people actually follow traffic rules and even some traffic lights and matatus don't even exist...when it comes to this one lane, it feels very Kenyan.  Sometimes people going my way were driving in that lane.  Then they would notice a car coming towards them quickly in the very same lane and would swerve over to cut me off before getting smashed.  Other times it was used as a "turning" lane.  Still other times (note: I was only on the road for about 12 minutes) the lane was definitely for cars driving in the other direction.  I couldn't see any signs about how to use the middle lane.  Every now and then there would be an arrow painted on the road to show what direction traffic should be going in...but since the cars in that spot were heading in the opposite direction of the arrow, I didn't think it carried a lot of authority.

As for me, I just absolutely positively stayed the heck out of that middle lane. Best to altogether avoid a situation where I unknowingly break the law and have to keep policemen from getting into my car (although at least this time I have diplomatic license plates AND a Tanzanian driver's license).  

LMW

May 24, 2012 - This is Not Africa - WAIT!

South Africa IS Africa – saying or thinking these four words is a mental exercise which tends to stretch most people’s level of comprehension. 

I’m attending a training in Cape Town, South Africa this week, which is a very desireable location although it is cold down here. Very cold in fact: 19 degrees on a sunny day is cold when you’re used to a humid 34 degrees (C).

We were picked up from a very modern airport on Sunday (that would be the opposite of Dar es Salaam's airport, by the way) and during the drive to town (in a Mercedes B S class) I noticed something that Lisa, friends and I have been talking about recently. 

Firstly, though, I have to talk about infrastructure.  The roads are fantastic, South Africa has Nuclear power, my colleague and I went to a shopping mall with 400 stores which would put most malls in Europe and the US to shame (of course, there are other issues in South Africa which I won’t cover in this blog). Internet is fast and everything seems efficient. To this overwhelming development many react with: “This is not Africa!” You would hear the same from people visiting Namibia, Angola and maybe Botswana. But the statement is so wrong.

Because this obviously IS Africa, but the modern development here conflicts with our perception of Africa as a poor and undeveloped continent. Our perception is wrong and there is a need to alter it because Africa is changing rapidly and has already changed in so many ways. If you're reading this and you've never been to Africa, it is very likely that your perception might already be way off - as I assure you mine (and Lisa's) was before we lived on the continent.

It is the same with the white population in this region of Africa. “They are not really Africans,” you hear people say. Well they are as much Africans as Irish-Americans and African-Americans are Americans in the US. The white population has been here for generations (regardless of how or why), so they really are Africans. Keeping our perceptions in line is challenging as the African continent changes by the day. 

Try to allow yourself to think about Africa as a developed continent...some parts of it REALLY are, and the rest is catching up. 

KW

May 22, 2012 - Line of the Year

Earlier today Grace and I read a book about dinosaurs.  Well, it is really a "look and find" book with pictures from the show "Dinosaur Train", but it also throws some dinosaur facts in there.  She got this book for Easter from my parents and loves it.  We hadn't read it in over a week so she was especially excited about it today.

Fast forward about 4 hours later... 

In a moment of desperation (as in: please don't make me do dinner and bedtime routine by myself again!), Rose and I took the kids to Dar's version of fast food: a fried chicken place (think KFC) that has a big playground.  I am not totally proud of this decision, but Kristoffer is still away until Friday night and I really needed a distraction from the usual routine on my own.  Much to my surprise, there was a "playgroup" of sorts already there with lots of kids and nannies from our usual Friday Happy Hour.  

Anyway, the four of us were sitting down eating fried chicken and french fries (again: not my finest parenting moment) and I said something to Rose like, "This is not normally something we would do with Kristoffer because he almost can't eat anything on the menu."

Then Grace says, "Far cannot eat here because he is a herbivore and eats plants and we are carnivores eating meat." 

I almost choked on a french fry!

It was a nice reminder of the wonders of reading to your kids.  I just wish I had the moment on video :)

LMW

p.s. Happy Birthday shout out to Sean O'Brien and Uncle Kevin!

May 21, 2012 - Upstairs Neighbors

Have you ever lived in an apartment with really loud upstairs neighbors?
(or have you ever been a really loud upstairs neighbor?)

Well, it has been a long time since I lived in an apartment, but we do seem to have some loud "neighbors" living in our attic these days.  We don't know what kind of animal it is, although likely to be one or more rats, but we can hear it/them at night.  And Kristoffer is in South Africa for a conference this week so I am home "alone" (with Grace, Noah and Rose) for the first time here.  Last night the "neighbors" kept me up for hours!   I don't know how many of them there are or what exactly they were doing....but they were loud.  And it was annoying that I had nobody to complain to about it since Kristoffer wasn't home.  Argh.  The landlord is supposedly having them exterminated this week...but it didn't happen today so as I get ready for bed now I fear what I will soon hear.  And I am exhausted - from "rats" and children who decide to start their day at 4:45 am (yesterday it was Grace, today it was Noah...I really wish they would coordinate so that maybe just once they would both sleep until 6 am).

There are lots of great things about living in Dar, but animals - ants, mosquitos, geckos, grasshoppers, and mystery animals in the attic! - are not one of them so far.  GROSS!

LMW

May 14, 2012 - Settling in Update

We have all been here in Dar together for 2 1/2 months now and Kristoffer was here for a month before we joined him.  I think we've done a pretty good job on getting settled and each week we make more progress. Some updates:

• We got our Tanzanian driving licenses on Friday.  That was a really good experience, actually.  The place was like a modern DMV in America.  Maybe even better, because as "diplomats" we were sort of fast-tracked because our paperwork had already been approved by the World Bank. They did regular biometrics and everything.  And the license is an actual plastic card.  This is compared to our Kenyan driving licenses which were little cardboard books, hand written and stamped.  Tanzania is definitely ahead of Kenya in that regard. 
• We got our diplomatic license plates.  The day after our encounter with the police, of course.  And, I should note, that Kristoffer read my blog and couldn't believe it.  He said he was never worried the way I was and thought the police were nice.  We have different perceptions, for sure!  But maybe now that we have blue plates we won't have to deal with the cops again (assuming, we don't break the law again I guess).
• We finally picked out curtains for our house (we're still using sheets to cover our windows).  The bad news is that we can't figure out how to buy them because the place doesn't take credit card or wire transfer.  CASH ONLY.  And we don't have access to large amounts of cash here because...
• Banking in East Africa is decades behind the rest of the world (or at least feels that way).  We've been trying to get a Tanzanian bank account established for months.  We still don't have ATM cards, a check book or information on how to directly deposit some of Kristoffer's pay check.  Argh.  We are using our Danish bank account to withdraw cash from ATMs here every week.  To pay for everything.  It is really annoying.

And the really big news...

• Our boat is here!  We can actually see the ship that is carrying our stuff from America.  All of our wedding gifts from almost 5 years ago! One year of diapers and wipes and laundry detergent and  shampoo and toothpaste and toilet bowl cleaner and sunblock etc!  Grace's bike and helmet!  Toys from Christmas and birthdays!  Books!  Of course, our ship is currently the last in a very long queue of ships waiting to get into port.  That will take another 2-4 weeks :(  And then it has to unload.  And then it has to clear customs.  And then it has to get delivered to us.  But THEN all of our stuff will be here.  In our house.  With us.  It will be Christmas in July!  (well, hopefully June...but that might be stretching it).  I actually dream about it.  The unpacking will be...you know...unpacking...but we are so excited for our stuff to get here.  

I am hoping that by the end of July, we really feel done with "moving in".  Another sign of progress is that yesterday for the first time Grace told me, "Mama, I don't miss my old house anymore.  It is nice to be at our new house."  Even though I still miss our old house a little bit, it made me really happy to hear that she is feeling so good about being here.

LMW

May 10, 2012 - On why you should always lock your car doors...

Last night Kristoffer and I drove into town (the city - downtown Dar) to go out to dinner with two American guys from my cousin's church in Florida who are here on mission.  One of them is her Pastor and the other is a financial planner/missionary.  We were looking forward to the dinner and ended up having a really nice time with them.  It was really interesting to hear about their projects here.

But first...

Before leaving for dinner our house was crazy.  The newly-fixed washing machine had died and the fundi (repair guy) decided to come at 6:30pm without telling me.  While I was putting Grace to bed, Noah (already in bed) started freaking out because he had somehow dislodged his mosquito net from the ceiling and was completely smothered by it.  So after dealing with the fundi, Kristoffer had to hang up Noah's net and I got both kids settled in bed.  Anyway, we left just a little late but were definitely frazzled.

We got into the city without traffic, which is great, but it was night time and we hadn't driven in the city at night (at least I hadn't...I don't think Kristoffer had either).  The Garmin was giving us directions to our destination and when turning down one street, we somehow missed the very odd "do not enter - one way street" sign ("Jill" from the Garmin does not know one-way streets in Tanzania, FYI).  We looked at it later and still couldn't quite decipher the picture (no words) and also it was not lit up at all, but regardless we went the wrong way down a one-way street. 

And we were pulled over by the police.

Who were mad at us.

And tried to get into our car.

*Imagine that here I have uploaded a picture me nearly having a heart attack.*

You do not want police in your car.  If police get into your car, as they tried to do, they might demand a significant amount of money from you before they will get out of your car.  Thankfully, the doors were locked (always for safety...lots of robberies and car jackings happen because of unlocked doors) so they couldn't enter on their own. They tried and told us to let them in.  Kristoffer - super fast thinker that my wonderful husband is - rolled down the windows to show them the two car seats in the back seat...as in, "look, there is nowhere for you to sit."  So we managed to escape their car invasion and just had to pull over.  I was almost too scared to talk - I am a really big wimp in situations like these - but Kristoffer was super calm and smart.  He had to get out of the car so he locked me in while talking to the two officers (and I silently prayed that nothing would go wrong out there).  There was a lot of talking and A LOT of Kristoffer playing dumb.  I heard him say things like, "I am so sorry! I have never seen a sign like that in my life!  I did not know what that sign meant!  We are just trying to get down the street to dinner.  I've only lived here a couple of months. I am so sorry!"  

In the end they let us go without giving us a ticket or taking us to a police station.  One officer asked for some money to buy a coke.  Normally we don't do this - we are definitely against paying bribes, don't get me wrong - but it was dark.  We were in town.  We had technically broken the law.  We gave him the equivalent of $1.25 to buy a coke.  We just couldn't risk anything else going wrong!  

C R A Z Y.

When they were both trying to open the car doors and get in...well, that was one of my worst moments in Africa to date.  I am sure nothing too bad would have happened...but really, you just never know.

Luckily the dinner that followed was lovely.  But you can be sure this weekend we'll be studying up on traffic signs in Tanzania.

LMW

May 9, 2012 - Give Up the Funk

This week I am in a funk.  Kids are sleeping at night but waking up before 5 am (and not going back to sleep).  My trip to Zanzibar with my friends from Nairobi got postponed until September, which is a big bummer.  We have a mosquito problem in our house that we can't seem to solve.  My Macbook has a black screen unless I operate it in "safe mode".  Grace had one marathon-record-would-be-really-awesome-birth-control-for-anyone-considering-having-kids temper tantrum the other day.  I thought I was over it, but since I'm writing about it here I guess I am not.  And...I stopped nursing Noah.

It is good news for us really - he is almost 16 months old (nursed about 9 days longer than his big sister) and does not need breast milk for any kind of nutrition at this stage of the game.  He happily drinks other milk or formula ("special milk" we call it in our house).   Since we moved to Dar I've weaned him down to 3 times a day then to 2 times and he has been nursing only once a day for a couple of weeks now.  The problem has become that that one time a day is consistently at 4 am.  And really?  I am TIRED!  So we decided to cut him off.  That sounds cold when really I don't think it is.  He just has to get used to a new scheduled that doesn't involve feeding at 4 am.  And during the day today he has been extra cuddly with me - I am sure he is looking for that physical bond we have that he missed this morning.  And all of that is fine and normal and I don't think we're scarring him in any way by stopping now.  I am a proud Mama for having nursed my kids the way I have and for as long as I have.  I am grateful for the ease and ability I had to do it...for the way they were always so good at it.  For never having had mastitis or anything like that.  Really, I am grateful.  And I am happy to stop now - mostly.  It is bittersweet, though, because I don't think we'll be having any more children, and so it is really the end of a significant/important/special part of my life.  I feel hormonal about it.  I feel sad about it, even though I am happy about it.

And now I have over shared.  

Anyway, that is my explanation for why I haven't been blogging much (refer to the Macbook issue above, primarily) and why I feel like I am in a grumpy mood.  I am hoping it turns around soon - maybe at the Happy Hour Playgroup tomorrow afternoon? - because the week after next Kristoffer is travelling for 6 days/5 nights to South Africa for a workshop.  I will need all my positive thoughts and parenting strategies and happy feelings to get through my first week here in Dar without him.

LMW

May 8, 2012 - Little Picasso

Grace has become quite the artist lately. The other day she found a book that someone gave us (thanks Mae and Ben) with step by step directions and pictures to draw certain animals. She now loves this book and is repeatedly drawing each animal. If you observe her from afar, you will see her point to the step she is on and "read" aloud what she is doing, then she will do it. When the animal is done she will tell me that she was really good at following the directions. Her very first attempt is below (which is actually her most accurate to date....she was just so focused that first time):

I am not saying she is brilliant or destined to be an artist (Kristoffer thinks I brag too much...I promise I am not trying to brag here), but I am saying that it was really fascinating to me that developmentally she could do this.  The picture actually does resemble a lion (and she was named Simba in utero).  She also signed her name at the bottom...sometimes she can accurately make a "C" which she didn't do here, but the "E" at the end has the appropriate number of horizontal lines so that is pretty awesome.  I am keeping this one for her memory book because I think it is adorable.  We are trying to focus on the process with her, instead of the outcome so much, because we've read good things about that parenting approach:  "Good job concentrating!  Was it fun drawing that lion?   I like the way you followed the directions."

Let me know if you would like to commission a picture from the artist :)

LMW

May 2, 2012 - This Boy

For the last two days, Noah has been wearing his "back pack" a lot.  I don't know what made him become interested in it, but he likes it a lot.  He walks around in it, plays in it, looks out the window as if he is eager to bust out of jail.  Do you think he is trying to tell us something?

(He looks sweet and innocent...but can also be a tough guy!  Watch out!)

We did convince him to take the bag off to eat at the table...and luckily it didn't bother him too much.

Our super sweet boy is changing everday.  He is eating well, sleeping well (sometimes wakes up once at night and still rises early, but is overall doing great) and is on a much better schedule than we ever managed to get Grace on at the same age.   He is fun and funny...making all kinds of sounds and sporting some adorable dance moves.  He never used to like books, but in the past few weeks he has really started to enjoy them.  He will sit and "read" them, play with them, bring them to me.  Sometimes he tries to eat them, but we're working on that :)  

Where did our little baby go?!  Love this boy!

LMW

May 1, 2012 - Chasing Pavements

As I shared on my Facebook a few days ago, I overheard Grace singing the song "Chasing Pavements" by Adele the other day.  She interpreted this lyric:

...Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements...

to be

...Should I give up or should I just keep making bacon...

which of course made me laugh really hard.  It was too cute.  She has since stopped singing the bacon version and is trying to go with Adele's original lyrics.  I don't know why she likes the song so much, but she does.  She even requested to listen to it while she ate her lunch today.  So here is her performance (it is too long...I uploaded the unedited version by accident, and it takes too long to redo it.  Sorry!).

I like her passion!
LMW

April 28, 2012 - Gossip

Rumor has it that one large, Kenyan grocery store chain is coming to Tanzania.  Four stores in Dar es Salaam.  Possibly this year.  Nakumatt.

When we heard this news at our Friday "happy hour playgroup"yesterday, I was flooded with memories of my love-hate relationship with Nakumatt.  If it is the same as a Kenyan Nakumatt, more or less, then we could get a lot of things that are often hard to get here now.  But then I could be back to fighting with the cheese guy over 100 grams of cheese.  At least we have a filtered water system in our house now so that I won't have to fight over how to spend my water bottle refund.

Nakumatt.  In Dar.  Could be crazy!

I won't get too excited until I see the place with my own eyes...
LMW

April 27, 2012 - I Will Still Hit My Son

I’m still on my two-week Kiswahili course with just two days to go. It has been tough, very intensive, so many word have been read, written and spoken to me and I can proudly announce that I have retained about 20% of them. I now understand the system of the grammar but can’t really use it in practice although I know it in theory.

I want to have a serious chat with whoever said that Kiswahili is an easy language to learn; the person clearly didn’t know what they were talking about. OK, words are written as they are pronounced, there are few exceptions (but they are there) and you can count to 1 million knowing only 21 words but then the fun stops. THERE ARE 7-8 NOUN CLASSES. Remember in Spanish: el or la. That means Spanish has two noun classes, Kiswahili has 8!!! And the noun class changes the verb, the pronoun, the adjective…basically the whole sentence changes completely from noun class to noun class.   It is tough.

I am still with the same Kiswahili teacher and upon teaching me the word “strict” she asked me if Lisa was strict with the children. I said, “not particularly.”

“Do you hit them?” She wanted to know.  “I have heard that wazungu (white people) don’t hit their children.”

“That is true,” I explained, “it is actually illegal.”

Illegal...after several moments of laughter…the conversation continued. I tried to bring the normal arguments to the table. If you don’t believe people should hit each other people then why make the exception with your children and blah, blah. “But I want my child to behave”, she argued. After about 10 minutes of me trying politely to convey a none-hitting message, she says: “But I will still hit my son!” We left the subject and I was not really pushing her. I know the culture here, but I just wanted her to know the basic arguments against hitting children.

Today the topic came up again, maybe because I couldn’t remember the noun (to be strict). She told me that she believed in corporate punishment in schools. Remember the lady is 29 years old.  “It is ok if they hit me (or somebody) with a stick over my hands. What I didn’t like was one teacher made me sit outside in the sun where I continuously had to ask the sun to come down to me while moving my hands up and down. It was so hot, I got so tired and it was embarrassing because everybody could see me (I think this punishment is used for students that talk/chat in class). But hitting my hands five times with a stick is OK.”

Later today she told me about when her father would hit her. I said that in my country that if anybody would use a “tool” to hit their children they would be regarded as crazy. “Oh my father used to tell me to go out and find a stick he could hit me with. I would find a small stick and bring it to him. He would then tell me, do you really think this stick can punish you enough after what you have done? He would then go out and find a larger stick.

All the above I kind of knew already from living in Kenya. Towards the end of the day she must have reflected on our conversation when she said. “Maybe if I knew of a family that did not hit their children I would know that there is another option that could work. But I don’t know anybody that doesn’t hit their children.”

Well, now she knows me!

KW

April 25, 2012 - Going to Town

Dar has been good for me in the sense that I have conquered my biggest fear from Nairobi - driving - and have gained a lot of independence that I didn't have there.  It is really nice not to feel so chaperoned all the time - I went the other day to get a hair cut by myself, and it was awesome (going by myself, not so much the hair cut).  I mostly just drive around the little peninsula that we live on and that is just great for me.  But there are some days when I miss Charles...and yesterday was one of them.

We needed to have our car inspected in order to register it in our names and get our diplomatic license plates.  The process has been ongoing since Kristoffer bought the car before the rest of us arrived, but today was the day (we were told yesterday) that the car had to be inspected.  In the city.  During Kristoffer's working hours.  Leaving only me to deal with it.  If I was afraid of driving in Nairobi, I was doubly afraid of driving in the city, or "in town" as we say here. 

I had to drive on the outskirts of town last week for my job interview (again, more on that later), but today I had to go all the way deep into the heart of town.  I was pretty stressed...fearing a car accident or flat tire or that I would be stuck in traffic and late to pick up Grace...or ALL of the above happening at the same time.  

But I did it!  

I carefully studied the city map to have a mental idea of where I was going.  I brought along the iPad and the Garmin for backup, and snacks and water because for some reason that just made me feel better.  I found my way to the Revenue Authority and asked a police officer to please let me park somewhere while I tracked down the guy I was supposed to meet (parking was like a free for all! totally scary!).  To his credit, the police guy did not ask for money in return for his kindness, which I greatly appreciated.  Then I waited outside for about 15 minutes for a guy to come meet me and get in the car to direct me the rest of the way.  We ended up down a backroad at what I could only describe as a "very sketchy warehouse with a full lot of dead cars".  I had the distinct fear that if I died there, nobody would ever be able to find me!  But the guy was nice and his colleagues took about 15 minutes inspecting the car before I could go.  

I had to make my way home again and deal with the crazy city buses...called dala dalas...definitely not as crazy as Nairobi's matatus, but also definitely driving on their own terms.  There was one really nice dala dala driver who let me in when nobody else would, so thank you very much to him.  In town the roads are narrower with weird double- and triple-parking arrangements every so often.  There are more lights and stop signs here than in Nairobi, and people adhere to them slightly more often here as well (but definitely not all the time). I did much better than I thought I would, and it was much "easier" than I think it would have been in Nairobi.  A little bit scary...but I did it!  ME!  HA HA!  Take that, fear of mine!

I haven't decided what is the more "expat" thing to do:  

become confident in driving on the "wrong" side of the road and even drive by myself in town, WAY out of my comfort level 

OR

have a full-time driver for four years and never drive at all.

But now that I have tried them both, I feel 100% "expat" for the first time.  

LMW

April 24, 2012 - Afternoon Delight

One of our kids' favorite pastimes is when Kristoffer turns them into rockets.  As you can see below...sky rockets in flight...

*please pardon Grace's unlady-like lack of underwear. She had just spilled a large cup of water and then sat in the puddle, so she was airing out :)

LMW

April 23, 2012 - The Help

Rose has been away for over two weeks on leave in Kenya.  First it was Easter and then her daughter was on break from boarding school.  It was good for her to go and also good for us that she came back last night.  While she was away, we were really busy keeping up with everything she does on top of everything we do, and during all that I had some time to think about our general situation with her (there was time for thinking, but not so much time for blogging!).

If you've been reading this blog since we started our African adventure you might remember that we were not initially comfortable having staff work for us in Kenya.  We started off thinking we could do it all ourselves and tried to fight the pressure to employ Kenyans.  That is, until reality turned out to be more difficult than we expected.  

Because first of all, expats do provide a huge percentage of jobs in developing countries (at least in Kenyan and Tanzania...I am assuming other African countries as well), the absence of which would likely lead to a rise in a whole host of other social and economic problems.  Second of all, the expectation that expats will employ local staff is actually fair, when you think about how much most expats benefit professionally and economically from working in a place like Nairobi or Dar AND how little employing domestic help costs.  And third of all, it is harder to live in Africa than to live in the US and Europe.  It just IS!  Not bad or worse (necessarily)…definitely different…definitely harder in many ways (easier in other ways too).  I have to boil water before I can hand-wash all of my dishes.  Hanging up laundry to dry and taking it down again takes a long time for a family with kids (I know lots of people do this at home too).  Cleaning the dirt and grime and African dust...not to mention the gecko poop!...is more labor intensive here than at home.  I have to go to 3-5 different stores to get all of the ingredients I need to cook one basic dinner almost every day (because things go bad really quickly even in the working refrigerator).  And of course we are also running around paying CASH for all of our bills and trying to acquire diesel and luku (electricity) and all of that.  Plus, in Dar at least, it is bloody hot...and I have never met a teenage girl to recruit as a babysitter!

So having domestic staff of any kind definitely feels like a luxury sometimes, but it also definitely feels NECESSARY and PRACTICAL.  And, as I think I’ve written about before, when you find the right help – a person, or people, who just fit well with your family and your needs – then it is golden. 

The other side to having help is a little bit of guilt that I sometimes feel.  Guilt that I should be the one scrubbing my floors and hanging up my laundry, since I am not working at any other paying job.  Guilt that I would ever think it is “hard” to have staff (but I am in a management position over here!), which sometimes it is (although mucd less so with only one employee now), when I know most stay-at-home-moms where I come from don’t have additional help and do everything themselves.  Guilt that maybe I have help because I couldn’t actually handle everything on my own in the first place.

So Rose’s absence the last two weeks was actually a good reminder for me.  We did not wash the floors or clean the bathrooms as often as she normally does, but our house was mostly tidy and our laundry was washed and our dinner was made and we never ran out of luku and Grace did not watch more TV than we normally let her watch. We were exhausted, but we survived.  Kristoffer helped a lot in the evenings and I did the best I could during the day to do household chores along with Noah’s nap schedule, Grace’s school schedule, and the normal errands. (I also applied for a job and had a first-stage interview…but that is a story for another blog altogether.)  Exhausted.  But we did it!

I realized that Rose doesn’t work for us because we can’t work for ourselves.  We employ her to make our life here manageable and easier and more pleasant…and we appreciate her hard work so much for those reasons.  This realization assuaged my guilt a bit. I also feel that because it is harder to live here, even though we know it is our choice, having help is just a really nice perk that we should enjoy as long as we can (you would too if it was as inexpensive to do so where you live!).  I suspect in our future life in the US or Denmark we will have plenty of laundry and dishes and floors to wash all on our own.  Right?

So.  Grace and Noah had a very happy reunion with Rose today.  Grace missed her and we made a calendar to count down the days until she came back.  Rose brought them sweet little Nairobi presents and there was a lot of laughter in the house in the wee hours this morning.  An outsider might have thought that Grace was the happiest person in our family to see Rose.  But an insider will know that is not exactly true.

LMW

April 17, 2012 - I Want a Divorce!

I want a divorce!

Or maybe she said: “I wish I never got married”. She, being my new, young (29) Kiswahili teacher.

I’m taking a two-week intensive Kiswahili course here in Dar and today was day two. I like my teacher, she is good, professional and teaches at her students’ speed, which in this case is slow, but I am really serious about this time around.

Today we were talking about names of different family members, which gives you an idea of how far I’ve reached in learning Kiswahili. I had to explain that my parents were divorced and that I had many step-siblings. At first she didn’t exactly know how to say step-siblings in Kiswahili, but “fortunately” they have polygamy in Tanzania so she settled on: my brother being “from the same stomach” and my step-siblings being brothers and sisters “from another stomach”, which I found interesting.

“In Tanzania,” (I almost wrote Kenya) “we don’t divorce. It is not culturally acceptable.” She went on to explain that before she got married her husband was really nice to her. They would share domestic housework, which she really appreciated and thought that spoke well for the future.

When women turn 25 there is a lot of pressure to get married, even in affluent families. The husband can even be asked to pay a fine if he lives with his future wife before they get married; this will be added to the dowry. For a second, I could see this being embraced by certain religious communities in the US. Anyway, by 28 you basically have to get married and so she did.  It is regarded strange if you don’t have a baby within the first year.

After she got married and had a child (4 months old now), the husband completely stopped helping out at home. They hired a house girl and while she is in the house the husband doesn’t feel secure about helping out. “The man shouldn’t go to the kitchen” is a big thing here and the husband even told her: “I’ll help you when we are alone.” So when she comes home tired from teaching slow Wazungu to speak Kiswahili, she has to do everything by herself.

“To marry” has two different verbs in Kiswahili, one for men and one for woman. If a man helps out in the kitchen, ill-intended family members or peers would say he has (ameolewa) married her (using the female verb), implying that he is the woman in the relationship (in a derogatory way).

We talked about the origin of this but maybe that is for another blog. Just thought I wanted to share this.

KW

April 13, 2012 - The Fortress

I think I briefly blogged about the security at our house here in Dar before, but to recap: 

First you go through one gate.  The day guard (DG - whose name actually might be Sheldrick or something that sounds like that) now stands at that gate acting as security for our house and Mrs. S' house too.  Once the DG lets you in, you drive by Mrs. S' house and you see two more gates in front of you. On the right is a gate to an empty plot with dogs and construction storage for the time being.  On the left is another gate to our house, which is opened during the day so you could drive right up to the house.  At night, Mrs. S has her own guard at the first gate and our night guard, Abdallah, is posted at our second gate, which is closed from 6 pm.  At night the 3 dogs - who do bite! - also roam the first part of the compound (Mrs. S' house).  

So...in theory, we are very well-secured.  We also have an alarm system of sorts and various locks and bolts on our doors.  Great.

But yesterday presented an interesting challenge to our security.  Around 4:30 the kids and I opened the front door to go outside for a few minutes.  We usually bring the gated dogs a treat at this time, hoping that someday they will be used to us and will lose their instinct to hunt us down.  In front of us were two white men (wazungu) taking pictures of our house.  I was shocked!  They claimed to be the guys who built and installed the windows and doors on our house, and said they were taking pictures for their catalog.  But once I came outside, they left. 

The question that immediately popped into my head was: How they hell did they get in here?!

So this morning I talked to two people:  the DG and Mrs. S' son, who is the architect of our house.  When I described the guys to the architect, he said that yes they did do the windows and doors, but nobody gave them permission to take pictures and they couldn't do that without our permission, which we obviously hadn't given them.  He's going to call them about it.  

The more interesting conversation happend with the DG.  He said they told him they wanted to come in, and so he let them in.  He didn't know which house they were coming to or why.  REALLY TIGHT SECURITY OVER HERE!  Just ask, and you can come in!  Doesn't matter who you are!

I wanted to ask him if he knew that they were armed with weapons, but decided that that wasn't a nice or fair thing to say...EVEN THOUGH THEY COULD HAVE BEEN!  Of course in his head, they were white so they were not dangerous.  But we don't know what they were actually doing taking pictures of our house.  If you take pictures of the US Embassy or the World Bank you get arrested!

So, I gave the DG what we will now call Lisa's Security Training Tip #1:  Do not ever let anyone onto the compound unless we give you permission to do so.  Either come to the house to ask, or call my cellphone to ask, or go to Mrs. S' house to ask.  Ask ask ask.   

I plan to follow up tomorrow with Lisa's Security Training Tip #2:  Repeat Tip #1.

In his defense, he seemed to understand my directions and was apologetic.  But there will be an email going to his supervisor today as well, to make sure that it doesn't happen again.  The DG is probably a very nice guy, but a security guard?  Not quite.

LMW

April 11, 2012 - Curling...African Style

If you are European you definitely know what "curling" is.  If you are American, you probably don't.  It is a sport where a team slides big stones across the ice to a target zone, using brooms to help them get the stones across the ice.  No offense to anyone, but in my opinion curling is really bizarre.

Except now we are playing our own version of curling over here.  You see, our house is often inhabited by geckos.  Sometimes teeny-tiny ones, and sometimes bigger...they like to get into our house because they think it will be cooler than outside.  In fact, they often come in through our air conditioning units.  And while these little lizards might seem harmless enough - I mean, it's not like they are biting anything - they do poop all over the house and generally we don't trust them.  

Kristoffer has perfected the art of shooing the geckos out the nearest door using a broom.  It becomes really like curling when I participate with another broom because we are really working as a team to get the gecko to its target (outside).  There is a lot of fast spontaneous movement and phrases like "I've got it!" and "No!  It's to you!  Get it!"  Like the original sport, it too is really bizarre.

We have a LOT of ants, geckos and spiders in our house.  Mosquitos come and go as well.  It is hard to keep track of all of them and really, in the end, I just thought our social life would be a bit...bigger!

LMW

April 10, 2012 - Too Cool for School

Grace is at school now and when the cat's away the mouse will play.  

Noah LOVES to wear Grace's sunglasses.

Could he be any cuter?!

Noah is so awesome these days.  Ok, on the down side he is hitting and biting on occasion.  He has a "hit face" that he makes when he is doing it on purpose.  Upper lip tucked into his lower lip - slight grin coming from the corners of his mouth. It is SO darn cute, but we are trying to be serious about getting him to stop doing it.  Grace is often his target...which is really just turn about fair play, but we are still trying to discourage it.  And when they aren't fighting (last week it was constant but it has been better the last couple of days) they are being so cute together.  

Noah isn't sleeping through the night consistently - sometimes there is a late night wake up.  But he is only nursing twice a day (when he wakes up in the morning and after his bath at night), and soon we will wind those down as well.  He has been eating great for the last week, which we hope will help him gain some weight because he definitely needs some help in that department.  He is going to sleep without any crying and napping really well twice a day, although I suspect we'll get down to one nap within the month.  Other than Mama, he can say Hi, Bye, Woof woof, "ba" for backwards when he goes down the stairs and his words for "bear" and "ball" are almost exact.  When he wants to go outside or in the car he goes to the door and says bye bye.  He is making a lot of other noise too, so I think more words are coming.  He likes to "sing" in the car when Grace is singing.  

Noah is so curious and learns really quickly.  If he sees something done once, he will try to do it.  For example, we have Grace helping to set the table before dinner and now he is also trying to bring things from the kitchen to put on the dining table.  

He loves: brooms, putting things in the toilet and the trash (oy), washing his hands at the sink like Grace, music and toys that make noise, hot dogs, ketchup (which we pretend is paint so that when Grace is painting he can paint too - yup everything still goes in his mouth!), and Grace.  He is quite a Mama's boy these days, but is also pretty sweet on his Far.  We are really enjoying this age of rapid change and growth.  And he has been healthy for over a week (knock on wood - QUICK!) so that is an added bonus.

Love this little guy.  Sunglasses or not, he is the coolest!

LMW

April 9, 2012 - First Day of School (belated)

On March 15th, Grace had her first day at The Nordic School.  Posting pictures on here takes forever with our super slow internet and I haven't been patient enough to do it before today.  But here she is...getting ready to go school (with a few friends for comfort on our 5 minute car drive).

Everyday, each child brings a piece of fruit that the kitchen cuts up for the whole class to share.  Grace LOVES to eat fruit!

Then they have ring time (sorry, can't get the picture to upload) where the count and sing songs and talk about different things.  Grace is very shy during ring time, but I am sure as she gets more comfortable she'll start to chime in like the other kids.  Then there is some free play time before they do another activity.  Here, Grace is coloring with one of the teachers (actually, an intern from Denmark) and three of the girls in her class.

Grace was the youngest in her class when she started, but starting tomorrow there will be some other young 3 year olds moving up from the baby class.  The kids are as old as 6 in her class!  They spend some time in different age groups (the 3- 4 1/2 year olds and then the 4 1/2 to 6 year olds) but they have ring time all together and fruit and lunch as well. 

Most of the teachers are Danish but they speak some combination of Danish, Swedish and Norweigan. Grace's Danish at home with Far has already improved a lot since she started there.  She had her first week there, was sick for a week and then had a week off for Easter.  She was really looking forward to going back tomorrow!

LMW