I want a divorce!
Or maybe she said: “I wish I
never got married”. She, being my new, young (29) Kiswahili teacher.
I’m taking a two-week intensive
Kiswahili course here in Dar and today was day two. I like my teacher, she is
good, professional and teaches at her students’ speed, which in this case is
slow, but I am really serious about this time around.
Today we were talking about names
of different family members, which gives you an idea of how far I’ve reached in learning Kiswahili. I had to explain that my parents were
divorced and that I had many step-siblings. At first she didn’t exactly know how
to say step-siblings in Kiswahili, but “fortunately” they have polygamy in
Tanzania so she settled on: my brother being “from the same stomach” and my
step-siblings being brothers and sisters “from another stomach”, which I found
interesting.
“In Tanzania,” (I almost wrote
Kenya) “we don’t divorce. It is not culturally acceptable.” She went on to
explain that before she got married her husband was really nice to her. They
would share domestic housework, which she really appreciated and thought that
spoke well for the future.
When women turn 25 there is a lot
of pressure to get married, even in affluent families. The husband can even be
asked to pay a fine if he lives with his future wife before they get married;
this will be added to the dowry. For a second, I could see this being embraced
by certain religious communities in the US. Anyway, by 28 you basically have to
get married and so she did. It is
regarded strange if you don’t have a baby within the first year.
After she got married and had a
child (4 months old now), the husband completely stopped helping out at home.
They hired a house girl and while she is in the house the husband doesn’t feel
secure about helping out. “The man shouldn’t go to the kitchen” is a big thing
here and the husband even told her: “I’ll help you when we are alone.” So when
she comes home tired from teaching slow Wazungu to speak Kiswahili, she has to
do everything by herself.
“To marry” has two different
verbs in Kiswahili, one for men and one for woman. If a man helps out in the
kitchen, ill-intended family members or peers would say he has (ameolewa)
married her (using the female verb), implying that he is the woman in the
relationship (in a derogatory way).
We talked about the origin of
this but maybe that is for another blog. Just thought I wanted to share this.
KW
No comments:
Post a Comment