July 17, 2012 - Happiness is...

Farmor's big suitcase full of presents, containing your new favorite book!

Helping Hans build the chair he brought you from Denmark.

Sitting in the new chair you helped "build" with your new "Quack Quack" that Farmor brought you (just like your sister's!)!

 Farmor reading a bedtime story.

 Having your mom come visit you from so far away.

 Putting your feet in the pool.

 A new "Monster Truck" (aka Toyota Landcruiser...aka TEMBO, which means ELEPHANT in Kiswahili) that is finally officially ours!

 My little Rav4 is MUCH smaller than Kristoffer's Landcruiser!

 Stealing Mama's sun hat.

When Mama gets cuddles.

 Finding eels in the ocean! (ok, maybe that is NOT happiness...but it is cool!)

 Beach buddies!

 Having your own little house on the beach.

The beautiful Indian Ocean.

 Waiting for fresh fish!

 Hans helping you roam about the rocking ferry.

When your best friends come over to play.

 Drumming with your girlfriend.

 Farmor reading to you and your friends.

 Singing outside on a beautiful day.

Reaching for the stars...and laughing with Mama.

(...and they've only been here for 6 days!  Almost nothing makes us happier than time we get to spend with our family!)

LMW

July 9, 2012 - Tidbits

On Friday Kristoffer and I were excited to celebrate 5 years of marriage.  Here are the stats from the last 5 years: 

• we lived in 3 countries
• we lived in 2 apartments and 2 houses
• we own 4 cars (2 still in Nairobi - argh! - and 2 in Dar)
• we now have 2 kids
• we have flown more miles than I can count and have numerous passports stamps
• we had a few fights, but waaaaaay more laughs

It's been a great 5 years and when we went out to dinner on Friday night we spent time really reflecting on and counting all of our blessings!  Where will the next 5 years take us?

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A little bit of a security incident here:  on Wednesday night our security guard dogs were poisoned.  Two of them, a German Shepherd and a Doberman, died and one other Doberman survived.  The more "pet" like dog on the compound did not eat the poison.  The tactic is that thieves will throw poisoned meat over the wall of the compound (at what entry point, we don't know) to kill the dogs so that they can then get into the compound to commit a robbery.  Nobody has broken in since the incident, but we don't know if that is because there are still two dogs or what.  No known suspects or motives, aside from a random robbery attempt.  The landlord found 3 other poisoned dogs at the vet from nearby.  We're being a little more cautious now!

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We have a serious ant problem.  Can't get rid of them.  They are everywhere.  At different times there are different sizes.  Right now it is the teeniest, tiniest ants.  All. Over.  The place.  So...I made homemade macaroni cheese the other day and had the casserole dish on the counter covered by foil.  30 minutes later I went to put it in the oven and one little corner of the food was covered in ants.  So I scooped out that section of the casserole and put the rest in the oven.  Rose started laughing.  She said that where she comes from there are so many bugs in the water and in their food sometimes.  She said if her mother saw that I threw away the food just because some ants were on it, she would laugh really, really hard.  Just cook them and eat them!  (YIKES!)

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We invited our landlords over yesterday - Mr. and Mrs. S.  He is usually not around, staying in their native home a few hours away and tending their farm there.  But he he is here in Dar now and we have done a lot to the house since we last saw him.  So we had them over for tea and cake, and gave them a proper tour of the house.  They were very pleased with everything we have done, how we have decorated, etc.  We think they like us and we wanted to show them how happy we are living here, as well as how grateful we are that they have done everything we've asked of them (they built us a garage, staff quarters for Rose, got us a generator, built us an island in the kitchen, etc).

Can't wait to show Farmor and Hans our house on Thursday!

LMW

  

July 5, 2012 - Defeating Poverty

Nicholas D. Kristof is one of our favorite journalists who writes for the New York Times.  We love him because he goes around the world telling the stories of disenfranchised people and advocating for change at every turn.  His writing is thoughtful, practical, often humorous, and smart. 

Today's column will be a new favorite of mine.  Reporting from Malawi, Kristof writes about the struggle to get out of poverty, some of the self-destructive behaviors that impede success in that effort, and one family's success in improving their situation.  

He writes, "Yet poverty is sometimes romanticized, and it’s more complicated than that. Alfred, 45, told me that even as his children were starving, he spent an average of $2 a week on local moonshine and 50 cents on cigarettes. He added that he also spent $2 or more a week buying sex from local girls — even though AIDS is widespread."

We haven't lived in Tanzania long enough for me to know if that example is true here (although I strongly suspect it is so), but this quote instantly brought me back to Kenya.  We heard example after example of men spending the very little money their families have (almost always earned by their wives) on alcohol or sex.  One of our former housekeepers told us that her daughter's husband forced her to give him her salary at the end of every month, used it to get drunk and then beat her.  

Kristof says, "It’s a vicious circle: despair leads people to self-medicate in ways that compound the despair."   And that is something that I think all poverty - wherever it is in the world - has in common.   Kristof goes on to write about some microfinance solutions that can really assist and inspire families to get out of poverty.  And he talks a lot about hope.

In fact, Kristof wrote a whole book about ending oppression for women around the world, so I just wanted to say here that from our understanding of living in East Africa: women are the answer to ending poverty!  Women will make money and use it to educate their children (like Rose is doing with her daughter Karen) or to improve their villages, or to improve their own skills.  Not that men are hopeless, but that vicious cycle is somehow harder for them to break I think.  Women are the key!

I am encouraging anyone reading that if you ever decide to give charitably to a cause in Africa, do your research.   Organizations with microfinance activities are a good way to go and, in my opinion, it would be even better to ensure that your money is going to help women.  Some other helpful links are here and here.  Giving a little bit can bring so much hope in the poorest places, and a little bit of hope can go a long way to making a big change.

Kristof knows a lot more than I do, and in his article he writes, "That’s precisely what I’ve seen in many countries: Assistance succeeds when it gives people a feeling that a better outcome is possible, and those hopes become self-fulfilling as people work more industriously and invest more wisely."

LMW

July 4, 2012 - Working Mom

Ok, ok..."working mom" is a bit of a stretch.  But I did get a part-time job and started working this week.  I am doing a contract through a woman I know with her own consulting business and it is for Newark Public Schools.  It is nothing too exciting: 20 hours a weeks working on data related to teacher recruitment until October.  But it is good for my brain!  And a little extra income surely never hurt.  Today is day 3 and I am still trying to figure out how to fit 4 working hours into my schedule with Rose and the kids, while still getting errands and meals done.  That is also a good intellectual/logistical exercise. Now that our house is done and the kids are pretty well settled here (and one of these I will do a photo tour of our home on here!) I am ready for something else to do...although maybe timing it just before the arrival of my in-laws was not the smartest (I hope they don't mind!).  I am also hoping that if they like my work, it could lead to more contracts in the future.  And it is so much easier to do work "in" America where I don't have to deal with work visas and permits and all that.

To be honest, I have been looking for work since we got here because I knew it would take a while to find something.  I have signed up to be a substitute teacher at the international school here starting at the end of August.  I look forward to getting into a classroom, even on such a temporary and "not really a teacher" basis.  And who knows what opportunities it could lead to for the duration of our life in Dar.  The school is 2 minutes from our house and is next door to Grace & Noah's school.  It will be a totally flexible gig and I am happy about that too.

But I also interviewed with two different governmental development agencies (like America's USAID but for two other big western countries) for educational policy positions working directly with the Government of Tanzania.  The jobs were interesting and I was more than partially qualified given the work I did in Kenya for UNICEF.  I think they were interested in my background and education (biggest benefit of going to Harvard, I guess, is that it makes people notice your resume a lot more!).  Both jobs were very full time, however, which is not quite what I am ready for, and both jobs would require a lot more Kiswahili than I could manage.  But it was a great networking exercise and good experience for me to go through two rounds of interviews for each of those jobs.  I regret that the organizations were not a bit more professional, as they have surely filled each position by now but never notified me that I didn't get the job (they both assured me they would let me know either way...but that was months ago!).  That is pretty rude given how much time I spent interviewing for the jobs (one of the interviews was 6 hours of my time...6 different stages to the interview!).  At least I have found something else that is a better fit for now and I like being open to whatever opportunities I might find (and the job I started this week came through on Facebook!).

So anyway...it is a new juggling act over here.  I think my favorite part of working so far is that when I tell Grace I am going upstairs to work she tells me, "Don't forget to put your money in your piggy bank when you're all done!"  

Happy 4th to everyone at home...it's just another day at the office here in Dar!

LMW

June 27, 2012 - Summer Daze

Because I have been a bit of an absent blogger lately, here is a long update on the kids.  If you're not interested then tune in next time for reports on my new career path.

Grace has been out of school for 3 weeks now.  This has given me much less free time to do anything, including update the blog.  We are on a playdate schedule with some of her friends where each morning the girls go to a different house Monday-Thursday and Friday is sort of play-it-by-ear.  All the kids are at our house on Mondays until they go back to school (August 9th...yes, I'm counting!).  Because we are trying to get Noah on a one-afternoon-nap-a-day schedule in time for him to start going to school in August as well, he and Rose are participating in the playgroup as well.  Grace is MUCH better behaved when I am not around, so I can't really go to the playdates except when they are here.  Sometimes she goes on her own or with Rose and Noah.  It is a good way to keep her busy because there is not much to do in Dar.

This is what Monday lunch time looks like at our house (thank God for the nannies!!!):

Otherwise the kids have been building a lot of Legos with Far:

a dinosaur

a dragon

And Grace has been busy getting her brother to do everything she says.  Can you find him in this pile of friends? (He willingly goes along with whatever she wants him to do almost all of the time...but the look on his face usually says something like, "My sister is crazy!")

Grace and Noah are both experiencing some growing pains. When they are good, they are sooooo good.  But Noah is getting more teeth, which makes him clingier and disrupts his sleep (I think).  Whenever he is clingy that makes HER even more whiny and clingy and sometimes I have both of them trying to climb on me at the same time and trying to knock the other one down.  They are competing for Mama! 

At least we are doing well in the eating department.  Grace will always fight to eat her dinner but will still end up finishing what's on her plate, so that is a success.  Noah eats well and stops when he doesn't want to eat anymore.  He is a fruit-monster...can eat a small watermelon or whole mango all by himself.  We think they are both growing!

Sleep is another story.  Noah goes to sleep well at night and almost always sleeps all the way through...but  only until wakes up between 4 and 5:30 and does not always go back to sleep.  This then affects his nap schedule because if he is up at 4:30 it is hard to keep him going until noon! 

And Grace.  Oh Grace.  Her best thing used to be going to sleep.  Follow the bed routine and she would go to sleep without fuss.  Almost every night, with very few exceptions, since she was 6 months old.  Seriously.  Around the world and with jet-lag and in different places.  She has been a really great go-to-sleeper.  But she has always been an early riser.  5:30 is her usual wake up, despite our best efforts (and occasional success) getting her to sleep until 6 am.  But now, for the last week, she has started being a normal "I WILL NOT GO SLEEP"er and fights us every night.  In addition to that, she is waking up once a night and then STILL wakes up for the day at 5:30 am.  So the girl is T-I-R-E-D.  She is clearly not getting enough sleep and is back to taking daily naps because she is so exhausted and miserable in the afternoon, but then that doesn't help us with the going to sleep business at night.  It is a vicious cycle.  And I REALLY WANT MY GOOD GO-TO-SLEEPER BACK because I feel it is unfair to have her up late and awake early.  GIVE ME A BREAK!  And fighting with an exhausted 3 year old at 9pm is really not how I like to end my days.  When she isn't tired she is an amazing little girl, but the exhausted version of Grace is giving me a lot of white hair.

What else...?  Grace is all about reading and writing and typing these days and is making good progress in those areas I think.  She initiates all of that kind of learning...she's just a little sponge and loves it.  She also loves the newly-discovered show from home "Backyardigans" which is really helping her develop an active imagination (as well as her singing and dancing...it is a really cute show). She is becoming more typically "girly" than she used to be; I think this is the influence of her playgroup friends.  Her favorite color for over a year was brown but now everything is "I LOVE PINK!!" And the girl who would NEVER wear a dress has worn a dress three days in a row now.  She says, "We need more dresses!"  And she is walking around with a fully loaded purse, teasing her brother with its contents and then running away before he can get anything from her.  Sheesh!   Here is a clip of her reading Dr. Seuss...(it totally cracks me up)...

Noah continues to be a super sweet little guy.  He is a biter, though, so when Grace takes something from him (which is often) he reacts by biting her big time.  He bites when he gets mad or frustrated and doesn't know else to express himself.  We're working on it but she has marks all over!  He has two signs that he uses regularly - for "more" and "tak for mad", which means "thank you for the food" to tell us he is done eating. He has some success saying words that start with B (ball, bird, bear, bubble) and is trying to say even more things.  He is obsessed with shoes and trying to put on Grace's underwear and mopping/dusting and putting things together or taking them apart.  I will not be surprised if he ends up some kind of engineer...he is a total gadget guy!  Noah loves to go outside, loves dogs and birds and any kind of critter he can find (I found that he had cornered a cockroach the other day...so gross, but he loved it!).  He gets sad when people say goodbye to him, but recovers well under the influence of his girlfriend - aka ROSE.  He has the greatest laugh and despite his teething discomfort is a really happy guy.  Here is Noah trying out Grace's bike when she was otherwise occupied.

Farmor and Hans arrive in two weeks and we have a calendar countdown going.  Grace is very excited (Noah will be too, once they are here!) and we are really happy that our home is now ready to host our loved ones.  This Friday we are also hosting the big Happy Hour Playgroup...fingers crossed our first hosting impression goes well.  It could make or break our reputation here for the next few years!

And that is our summer in Dar so far.  While everyone at home is getting ready for the summer heatwaves (although I hear it is pretty cold in Denmark right now!), we are experiencing cool/warm, breezy weather and I love every minute of it.  We have to enjoy it for as long as we can.  I hear the unbearable heat will starting creeping in come September and we'll suffer until April!

LMW

June 14, 2012 - How it All Began

Kristoffer proposed to me six years ago today. In NYC. In my classroom. On the last day of school. It was amazing. And because we have unpacked all of our stuff now, I was able to find the video on DVD to share. His proposal was the first of many surprises he planned on that day, and the first of many that have come, unplanned, since then. It will always be one of the best days of my life. 

Pretty good for a guy who once told me about proposals, "we don't really do that in Denmark!"

 And, happy birthday to Farmor today! We can't wait to see you next month!

 LMW

June 12, 2012 - Christmas on Steroids

Last Wednesday was a very big day for the Welsiens in Dar es Salaam.  

Our shipment from America arrived containing 60 boxes (or, to be specific, 56 boxes, 2 kid bikes, 1 ironing board with various other tall/skinny things taped to it, and 1 tool box) full of joy.  This was all of our stuff that we left in my parents' basement when we moved to Kenya in 2007 along with gifts and supplies that we acquired since then.  It was almost all of our wedding presents, still almost brand new and in many cases never used, as we had only been 5 months when we left them behind.  It also contained books and books and books...for me, these are individual memories tied to people and places in my life, and it sounds super corny, but I have surely missed them.  It contained a one year supply of diapers, wipes, toothpaste, toothbrushes, deoderant, shampoo and conditioner, hair stuff, hand soap, laundry detergent and toilet bowl cleaner.  And winter wardrobes for G&N so they don't get pneumonia this time when we go to Denmark for Christmas. 

The best way I can describe the day an expat gets his/her/their shipment from home is "Christmas on Steroids."  You can't unpack fast enough...or in our case, you can't find places to put all of your stuff fast enough!  We have the space, but not necessarily the right storage furniture!  It sounds quite materialistic, I'm sure, but it just feels so good to have all of our stuff.  Sentimental stuff...practical stuff...old stuff...new stuff.  Our stuff! 

Here you can see it all - still crated and palatized on the "big truck".

And here you can see just some of the boxes unloaded in the house.  (I was the foreman so I couldn't take too many pictures!)

Noah's favorite item to unpack was I think our very big stuffed giraffe.  He loves to give him kisses and hugs.  Grace's favorite thing from the "big truck" was her Cars bike and Dora helmet.  (Although they have both been REALLY happy reuniting with all of their Christmas and birthday gifts...we have had lots of fun and happy playing at our house the last week.  No bored kids here!) My favorite thing was the play kitchen we had bought for the kids.  It took us 2 1/2 hours to put it together but it was well worth it in the end.  Ok, that AND my Fiestaware.  AND the diapers. Kristoffer's says his favorite thing was also the kids' play kitchen.  AND our Keurig!

Most boxes are empty, but a lot of things haven't found a home beyond our bedroom floor just yet.  We're working on it.  There have been a lot of things going on at our house at the same time, such as getting curtain rods installed (FINALLY) and, therefore, curtains, an island in the kitchen, improvements to Rose's quarters, painting of furniture, construction of proper mosquito nets.  So we've been quite busy over here, but really happy.  And enjoying our stuff just as much as we expected to.    I would say we are about two weeks away from being completely settled in our new home...and it feels really good to be this close to that milestone. 

LMW

June 3, 2012 - Circus Pictures

The Dancing Ballerina (aka Princess)

 Her brother who was dying to get his hands on one of those parasols...

Later on, Grace and her friend Freya were the horse from the circus while Solveig was their master.  

So cute!

LMW

June 3, 2012 - Under the Big Top

On Friday, The Nordic School held its annual "Circus Badutski", during which all children performed in some part of the big show.  It was adorable.  Kristoffer liked it more than Grace's "shows" in Nairobi because it was less strict and the kids were a lot more free/creative.  We were surprised to learn a few weeks ago that Grace would be performing as a princess...because she is really not a princessish type of girl. But, indeed, hers was maybe the 4th or 5th act in the circus and was the performance of beautiful dancing ballerinas with some elephants.  I could not believe that she smiled and twirled the whole time.  No stage freight.  No crying.  No shock.  Amazing.  I would say she has come a long way since her first performance a year and a half ago (you'll remember it here...).  The other parts of the show were also very sweet, but check out our dancing ballerina below.

At the end of the circus, the whole school sang two national anthems.  Because Grace's school includes children who are Danish, Swedish and Norwegian I guess they had to pick just one anthem to do...and they picked Sweden.  It is hard to tell in the video, but Grace does know the words (which we learned since she has been singing it at home since Friday).  Some of her teachers are Swedish and they speak to her in Swedish, she must have some understanding of the language.  After that came the Tanzanian national anthem sung in Kiswahili, which she also knows the words to and can sing on her own.  She is truly a child of the world :)

Circus Badutski was a great way to start off the weekend, as there was a family BBQ that followed into the evening.  And yesterday morning Grace was invited for a playdate at one girl's house, where we dropped her off and left her to play for 3 hours on her own.  It was her first unaccompanied playdate and she was both very well-behaved (we're told) AND had a wonderful time (followed by a 3 hour nap).  She is so big now! 

Summer vacation starts after this week and we'll be doing a play group with 3 other girls from Grace's class.  Mondays they will all be here, and Tuesdays through Thursday each other family will host the girls for the day.  Here's hoping it keeps Grace busy and happy with her friends until school starts again in August (at which time Noah will be going in the mornings as well).  

LMW

June 2, 2012 - The DG

Oh, Day Guard...we were trying so hard to like you! But alas, you're fired. 

I have written about our clueless-but-friendly Day Guard before. Since then I think he has grown on me a little bit...or at least he has gotten a bit faster at the gate so I don't have to honk for him to let me in or out and that makes me like him more. And Noah likes to wave to him and bring him flowers when we are walking around outside. But there is something about him that is a little bit...shady. So today when Kristoffer found a pair of his fancy squash socks (easily his favorite article of clothing) hanging in the guard's shed, the DG became a suspect. 

Kristoffer asked the other workers on the compound who the socks belonged to and they told him "the guard." Then he asked Rose and she suspected the DG because she thinks she saw him taking stuff from the other workers one time when they were on a lunch break. She said she never leaves anything outside now because she thinks he is a thief (great insight...would have been great to know that sooner...). So then he went to the DG and had a conversation that went a little something like this (as immediately reported to the security company): 

K: Are these your socks? 

DG: Yes they are my socks.  

K: Are you sure? Because I had two pair of this same type of socks. They were given to me by my sister in-law two Christmases ago. They are special socks because they are used to play the game squash, which I play, and you can only get them in America. [shows him the special reinforcement for squash players] So are you sure they are not mine? 

DG: OK, they are yours. 

K: You know, sometimes I dry my clothes on the balcony and sometimes they fall to the ground during the rains, but it still means they are my socks. 

DG: Sure. 

The email to his boss that followed requested that we get a new DG and that the current DG not be allowed back on our compound to work. This was a difficult decision, actually, because we don't like to get him fired and because, of course, he knows where we live and could end up knowing our next guard. But if we let it go thie time it is likely that he will just take more things or more valuable things. So we are not likely to see him after this weekend. His day off is Tuesday and the guy who works that day is no big treat either...he takes two plastic chairs, puts his feet up on one of them, pulls his hat down and sleeps until I honk for him to let me in or out. So let's hope that he doesn't get promoted to permanent DG and that our next guard is as great as our day guards were in Nairobi. Michael and George...we really miss you guys these days! I am so glad we tipped them well when we moved.

LMW

May 25, 2012 - One Week After!

Last blog from South Africa this time around. 

My Danish colleague and I hiked the table mountain yesterday and generally I can say that South Africa is quite amazing to visit, so that is officially on the list now.

We had a group dinner the other day and I was randomly seated with my Danish colleague from Dar and an East African man and a Nigerian man working outside Nigeria. We were all were in our 30s’ish (The Office) and all with children expect for the other Dane. Maybe because the Nigerian kept hitting on the waitress, we talked about marriage and affairs which ended up being almost too much to handle for the two Danes. A few highlights (WARNING: this is not for the fainthearted so stop now if you think you can’t handle it):

The problem is that you never know if the lady really loves you, she could just be with you because you have money, that is why it is better to marry someone from your own class.

If my wife was with another man that is the end of that marriage, and she knows that, but guys are adventurous and people accept that.

At my wedding my mother-in-law gave a toast where she told my wife: "Don’t think about what your husband does, that is his business, not yours. Focus on the things that are important. If he is out I wouldn’t worry as long as he has made sure that you have a good place to live and you have food and clothes. If a day comes where he is not taking care of you then we will start asking questions."

The girls I am having an affair with know that I am married, they know it is just for fun, they may try just to see if they can take it further but there is no obligation from my side – nothing is hidden. I don’t tell my wife but she knows what is going on. She just tells me before I am going away: “just be careful, there is HIV out there, there are other diseases – just be careful!’”

Women are just as bad as men, don’t give me that thing about their innocence, they chose us, they could choose not to get involved then. And do you know what happens if the lady finds out that you are firing blanks? Then to save your face [infertility among men in Africa is more embarrassing than impotence is in the west] she might sleep with another man and get pregnant with another man! Then you have to raise that kid even though it is not yours. Thank goodness we have DNA – then at least you can find out now.

After explaining the beauty of Ghanaian ladies we all agree that Ethiopian ladies are the most beautiful in Africa- easy call. But if you see one of these ladies are you not tempted? What holds you back? Why wouldn’t you pursue them? [almost saying, you’re not man enough] They keep pushing me and I say, "Well, of course I can recognize that a lady is beautiful," I explain, "but I feel if I eat of this cake over here [we’re having dessert] a slice will fall off the cake over here [referring to my own marriage]," Then there was dead silence – almost uncomfortably, as they may recognize that that could be a point. 

"But what do you do in church on Sunday morning?" I challenged them. 

God is forgiving – he understands. 

"What about the 10 commandments?" I try to talk about being faithful. 

You can’t change the path of a river. If a river wants to go here or there, there is no point in stopping it!  

Now just about to finish up for the night, my African colleague pulls my arm as he tells me, 

Do you know how long it took me to be with another lady after I got married? One week! 

The laughter crushes down like earthquake shaking down a small city as the two African men high five each other and let their heads back to let out the uncontrollable laughter. The other guys says

One week after...that means he was doing it all along!

Another high five reaffirms this statement as the laugher grows even higher and breathing now becomes difficult for the two men. 

The two of us now terrified Danes looked at each other in a “I want to go home!” kind of way. 

KW

May 25, 2012 - One Officially

I'm still at the training in Cape Town with colleagues all over Africa. I had lunch with a senior staff (about +55) from South Sudan the other day and it turned out to be quite interesting. 

"We are the youngest nation in the world, only one year old, our country has no debt. A country without debt – hard to imagine these days!"

Then the conversation shifted when I asked him how many children he had.  "I have 10 children." 

10 children I thought to myself - WOW! I followed up with the "obvious" question in this part of the world: "how many wives then?"

"Well, one officially [there is a law against polygamy]," he said in a very calm voice while chewing his food, "and then three unofficially – so that is four in total." This, of course, tells you that this guy is well off. Let’s be honest here, who can afford four wives in today’s world?! I used to have the need to ask or hint towards this not being completely fair to the four wives, but I am way beyond that point now.  I accept that it will take a few generations before this sort of thing is of the past. 

Still asking him many questions; he continued: "The price [in cows of course] of the women in our culture is measured by many factors. Beauty is a factor, if she is educated – you have to settle on a higher price for her. If she is of good family that might influence the price, but the most important thing is the tallness.  It is the most important factor." 

No wonder Sudanese are so unbelievably tall, I thought to myself. "Now, we have many many tribes in South Sudan and in some tribes they demand a very high price for their women – up to 300 cows [I, Kristoffer, laughed – that is ridiculous!]. Some men from that tribe travel north and marry women from my tribe where the price is significantly lower – around 10 cows. But then the women from the “high price tribe” complained and sent their leaders to my tribe to agree that the price in my tribe should be around 50 cows or the woman from the other tribe wouldn’t stand a chance."

And some more: "The issue with working for an international organization is that you can only claim one wife/dependent who would when receive medical insurance etc. The rest are not recognized. When choosing your wife, the father often won’t let you take her right away – even if you have the cows. In some areas you traditionally had to catch a lion ALIVE! To show commitment and bravery [Crazy Sudanese! I thought.]  I asked him, "Catch a lion alive? How do you do that?"   He told me, "It doesn’t matter how it is done – you just need to get it." 

I learned that in some places the man had to work without pay for two years at the father-in-law's farm to show that he could work hard and, again, his commitment. As the father of one daughter I personally appreciate the idea in this, but now am thinking – boy did I get off easy! [Thanks, Mike!]

KW  

May 25, 2012 - The Third Lane

This blog could alternately be titled "More Adventures in Driving".

Yesterday I ventured off the little peninsula we live on to find a "big" mall where I can stock up on some things at a lower price (like diapers and wipes...because our year's supply from the US is still sitting in our container, on the boat, off the port, etc.).  It was my first time driving there by myself and, I have to admit, I still have a bit of a "glowy" feel that I can do something like drive to the mall by myself...you know, after four years of being chauffered by Kristoffer or Charles.  So I popped in one of my favorite CDs from college and sang at the top of my lungs all the way to the mall.  It has been a long and tiring week (remember...we've got rats in the attic - now in the kitchen too! - and kids-who-wake-up-90-minutes-before-the-sun and Kristoffer doesn't get home until tonight) and this was very cathartic.

When driving from our house to the mall, there is really one main road with one very peculiar feature.  It has 3 lanes.  The two outer lanes are obvious - I was in the left lane going one way and the far lane to my right had cars going in the other direction.  But the middle lane.  Well...it is just anyone's guess!  So while driving here is great compared to Nairobi because people actually follow traffic rules and even some traffic lights and matatus don't even exist...when it comes to this one lane, it feels very Kenyan.  Sometimes people going my way were driving in that lane.  Then they would notice a car coming towards them quickly in the very same lane and would swerve over to cut me off before getting smashed.  Other times it was used as a "turning" lane.  Still other times (note: I was only on the road for about 12 minutes) the lane was definitely for cars driving in the other direction.  I couldn't see any signs about how to use the middle lane.  Every now and then there would be an arrow painted on the road to show what direction traffic should be going in...but since the cars in that spot were heading in the opposite direction of the arrow, I didn't think it carried a lot of authority.

As for me, I just absolutely positively stayed the heck out of that middle lane. Best to altogether avoid a situation where I unknowingly break the law and have to keep policemen from getting into my car (although at least this time I have diplomatic license plates AND a Tanzanian driver's license).  

LMW

May 24, 2012 - This is Not Africa - WAIT!

South Africa IS Africa – saying or thinking these four words is a mental exercise which tends to stretch most people’s level of comprehension. 

I’m attending a training in Cape Town, South Africa this week, which is a very desireable location although it is cold down here. Very cold in fact: 19 degrees on a sunny day is cold when you’re used to a humid 34 degrees (C).

We were picked up from a very modern airport on Sunday (that would be the opposite of Dar es Salaam's airport, by the way) and during the drive to town (in a Mercedes B S class) I noticed something that Lisa, friends and I have been talking about recently. 

Firstly, though, I have to talk about infrastructure.  The roads are fantastic, South Africa has Nuclear power, my colleague and I went to a shopping mall with 400 stores which would put most malls in Europe and the US to shame (of course, there are other issues in South Africa which I won’t cover in this blog). Internet is fast and everything seems efficient. To this overwhelming development many react with: “This is not Africa!” You would hear the same from people visiting Namibia, Angola and maybe Botswana. But the statement is so wrong.

Because this obviously IS Africa, but the modern development here conflicts with our perception of Africa as a poor and undeveloped continent. Our perception is wrong and there is a need to alter it because Africa is changing rapidly and has already changed in so many ways. If you're reading this and you've never been to Africa, it is very likely that your perception might already be way off - as I assure you mine (and Lisa's) was before we lived on the continent.

It is the same with the white population in this region of Africa. “They are not really Africans,” you hear people say. Well they are as much Africans as Irish-Americans and African-Americans are Americans in the US. The white population has been here for generations (regardless of how or why), so they really are Africans. Keeping our perceptions in line is challenging as the African continent changes by the day. 

Try to allow yourself to think about Africa as a developed continent...some parts of it REALLY are, and the rest is catching up. 

KW

May 22, 2012 - Line of the Year

Earlier today Grace and I read a book about dinosaurs.  Well, it is really a "look and find" book with pictures from the show "Dinosaur Train", but it also throws some dinosaur facts in there.  She got this book for Easter from my parents and loves it.  We hadn't read it in over a week so she was especially excited about it today.

Fast forward about 4 hours later... 

In a moment of desperation (as in: please don't make me do dinner and bedtime routine by myself again!), Rose and I took the kids to Dar's version of fast food: a fried chicken place (think KFC) that has a big playground.  I am not totally proud of this decision, but Kristoffer is still away until Friday night and I really needed a distraction from the usual routine on my own.  Much to my surprise, there was a "playgroup" of sorts already there with lots of kids and nannies from our usual Friday Happy Hour.  

Anyway, the four of us were sitting down eating fried chicken and french fries (again: not my finest parenting moment) and I said something to Rose like, "This is not normally something we would do with Kristoffer because he almost can't eat anything on the menu."

Then Grace says, "Far cannot eat here because he is a herbivore and eats plants and we are carnivores eating meat." 

I almost choked on a french fry!

It was a nice reminder of the wonders of reading to your kids.  I just wish I had the moment on video :)

LMW

p.s. Happy Birthday shout out to Sean O'Brien and Uncle Kevin!

May 21, 2012 - Upstairs Neighbors

Have you ever lived in an apartment with really loud upstairs neighbors?
(or have you ever been a really loud upstairs neighbor?)

Well, it has been a long time since I lived in an apartment, but we do seem to have some loud "neighbors" living in our attic these days.  We don't know what kind of animal it is, although likely to be one or more rats, but we can hear it/them at night.  And Kristoffer is in South Africa for a conference this week so I am home "alone" (with Grace, Noah and Rose) for the first time here.  Last night the "neighbors" kept me up for hours!   I don't know how many of them there are or what exactly they were doing....but they were loud.  And it was annoying that I had nobody to complain to about it since Kristoffer wasn't home.  Argh.  The landlord is supposedly having them exterminated this week...but it didn't happen today so as I get ready for bed now I fear what I will soon hear.  And I am exhausted - from "rats" and children who decide to start their day at 4:45 am (yesterday it was Grace, today it was Noah...I really wish they would coordinate so that maybe just once they would both sleep until 6 am).

There are lots of great things about living in Dar, but animals - ants, mosquitos, geckos, grasshoppers, and mystery animals in the attic! - are not one of them so far.  GROSS!

LMW

May 14, 2012 - Settling in Update

We have all been here in Dar together for 2 1/2 months now and Kristoffer was here for a month before we joined him.  I think we've done a pretty good job on getting settled and each week we make more progress. Some updates:

• We got our Tanzanian driving licenses on Friday.  That was a really good experience, actually.  The place was like a modern DMV in America.  Maybe even better, because as "diplomats" we were sort of fast-tracked because our paperwork had already been approved by the World Bank. They did regular biometrics and everything.  And the license is an actual plastic card.  This is compared to our Kenyan driving licenses which were little cardboard books, hand written and stamped.  Tanzania is definitely ahead of Kenya in that regard. 
• We got our diplomatic license plates.  The day after our encounter with the police, of course.  And, I should note, that Kristoffer read my blog and couldn't believe it.  He said he was never worried the way I was and thought the police were nice.  We have different perceptions, for sure!  But maybe now that we have blue plates we won't have to deal with the cops again (assuming, we don't break the law again I guess).
• We finally picked out curtains for our house (we're still using sheets to cover our windows).  The bad news is that we can't figure out how to buy them because the place doesn't take credit card or wire transfer.  CASH ONLY.  And we don't have access to large amounts of cash here because...
• Banking in East Africa is decades behind the rest of the world (or at least feels that way).  We've been trying to get a Tanzanian bank account established for months.  We still don't have ATM cards, a check book or information on how to directly deposit some of Kristoffer's pay check.  Argh.  We are using our Danish bank account to withdraw cash from ATMs here every week.  To pay for everything.  It is really annoying.

And the really big news...

• Our boat is here!  We can actually see the ship that is carrying our stuff from America.  All of our wedding gifts from almost 5 years ago! One year of diapers and wipes and laundry detergent and  shampoo and toothpaste and toilet bowl cleaner and sunblock etc!  Grace's bike and helmet!  Toys from Christmas and birthdays!  Books!  Of course, our ship is currently the last in a very long queue of ships waiting to get into port.  That will take another 2-4 weeks :(  And then it has to unload.  And then it has to clear customs.  And then it has to get delivered to us.  But THEN all of our stuff will be here.  In our house.  With us.  It will be Christmas in July!  (well, hopefully June...but that might be stretching it).  I actually dream about it.  The unpacking will be...you know...unpacking...but we are so excited for our stuff to get here.  

I am hoping that by the end of July, we really feel done with "moving in".  Another sign of progress is that yesterday for the first time Grace told me, "Mama, I don't miss my old house anymore.  It is nice to be at our new house."  Even though I still miss our old house a little bit, it made me really happy to hear that she is feeling so good about being here.

LMW

May 10, 2012 - On why you should always lock your car doors...

Last night Kristoffer and I drove into town (the city - downtown Dar) to go out to dinner with two American guys from my cousin's church in Florida who are here on mission.  One of them is her Pastor and the other is a financial planner/missionary.  We were looking forward to the dinner and ended up having a really nice time with them.  It was really interesting to hear about their projects here.

But first...

Before leaving for dinner our house was crazy.  The newly-fixed washing machine had died and the fundi (repair guy) decided to come at 6:30pm without telling me.  While I was putting Grace to bed, Noah (already in bed) started freaking out because he had somehow dislodged his mosquito net from the ceiling and was completely smothered by it.  So after dealing with the fundi, Kristoffer had to hang up Noah's net and I got both kids settled in bed.  Anyway, we left just a little late but were definitely frazzled.

We got into the city without traffic, which is great, but it was night time and we hadn't driven in the city at night (at least I hadn't...I don't think Kristoffer had either).  The Garmin was giving us directions to our destination and when turning down one street, we somehow missed the very odd "do not enter - one way street" sign ("Jill" from the Garmin does not know one-way streets in Tanzania, FYI).  We looked at it later and still couldn't quite decipher the picture (no words) and also it was not lit up at all, but regardless we went the wrong way down a one-way street. 

And we were pulled over by the police.

Who were mad at us.

And tried to get into our car.

*Imagine that here I have uploaded a picture me nearly having a heart attack.*

You do not want police in your car.  If police get into your car, as they tried to do, they might demand a significant amount of money from you before they will get out of your car.  Thankfully, the doors were locked (always for safety...lots of robberies and car jackings happen because of unlocked doors) so they couldn't enter on their own. They tried and told us to let them in.  Kristoffer - super fast thinker that my wonderful husband is - rolled down the windows to show them the two car seats in the back seat...as in, "look, there is nowhere for you to sit."  So we managed to escape their car invasion and just had to pull over.  I was almost too scared to talk - I am a really big wimp in situations like these - but Kristoffer was super calm and smart.  He had to get out of the car so he locked me in while talking to the two officers (and I silently prayed that nothing would go wrong out there).  There was a lot of talking and A LOT of Kristoffer playing dumb.  I heard him say things like, "I am so sorry! I have never seen a sign like that in my life!  I did not know what that sign meant!  We are just trying to get down the street to dinner.  I've only lived here a couple of months. I am so sorry!"  

In the end they let us go without giving us a ticket or taking us to a police station.  One officer asked for some money to buy a coke.  Normally we don't do this - we are definitely against paying bribes, don't get me wrong - but it was dark.  We were in town.  We had technically broken the law.  We gave him the equivalent of $1.25 to buy a coke.  We just couldn't risk anything else going wrong!  

C R A Z Y.

When they were both trying to open the car doors and get in...well, that was one of my worst moments in Africa to date.  I am sure nothing too bad would have happened...but really, you just never know.

Luckily the dinner that followed was lovely.  But you can be sure this weekend we'll be studying up on traffic signs in Tanzania.

LMW

May 9, 2012 - Give Up the Funk

This week I am in a funk.  Kids are sleeping at night but waking up before 5 am (and not going back to sleep).  My trip to Zanzibar with my friends from Nairobi got postponed until September, which is a big bummer.  We have a mosquito problem in our house that we can't seem to solve.  My Macbook has a black screen unless I operate it in "safe mode".  Grace had one marathon-record-would-be-really-awesome-birth-control-for-anyone-considering-having-kids temper tantrum the other day.  I thought I was over it, but since I'm writing about it here I guess I am not.  And...I stopped nursing Noah.

It is good news for us really - he is almost 16 months old (nursed about 9 days longer than his big sister) and does not need breast milk for any kind of nutrition at this stage of the game.  He happily drinks other milk or formula ("special milk" we call it in our house).   Since we moved to Dar I've weaned him down to 3 times a day then to 2 times and he has been nursing only once a day for a couple of weeks now.  The problem has become that that one time a day is consistently at 4 am.  And really?  I am TIRED!  So we decided to cut him off.  That sounds cold when really I don't think it is.  He just has to get used to a new scheduled that doesn't involve feeding at 4 am.  And during the day today he has been extra cuddly with me - I am sure he is looking for that physical bond we have that he missed this morning.  And all of that is fine and normal and I don't think we're scarring him in any way by stopping now.  I am a proud Mama for having nursed my kids the way I have and for as long as I have.  I am grateful for the ease and ability I had to do it...for the way they were always so good at it.  For never having had mastitis or anything like that.  Really, I am grateful.  And I am happy to stop now - mostly.  It is bittersweet, though, because I don't think we'll be having any more children, and so it is really the end of a significant/important/special part of my life.  I feel hormonal about it.  I feel sad about it, even though I am happy about it.

And now I have over shared.  

Anyway, that is my explanation for why I haven't been blogging much (refer to the Macbook issue above, primarily) and why I feel like I am in a grumpy mood.  I am hoping it turns around soon - maybe at the Happy Hour Playgroup tomorrow afternoon? - because the week after next Kristoffer is travelling for 6 days/5 nights to South Africa for a workshop.  I will need all my positive thoughts and parenting strategies and happy feelings to get through my first week here in Dar without him.

LMW

May 8, 2012 - Little Picasso

Grace has become quite the artist lately. The other day she found a book that someone gave us (thanks Mae and Ben) with step by step directions and pictures to draw certain animals. She now loves this book and is repeatedly drawing each animal. If you observe her from afar, you will see her point to the step she is on and "read" aloud what she is doing, then she will do it. When the animal is done she will tell me that she was really good at following the directions. Her very first attempt is below (which is actually her most accurate to date....she was just so focused that first time):

I am not saying she is brilliant or destined to be an artist (Kristoffer thinks I brag too much...I promise I am not trying to brag here), but I am saying that it was really fascinating to me that developmentally she could do this.  The picture actually does resemble a lion (and she was named Simba in utero).  She also signed her name at the bottom...sometimes she can accurately make a "C" which she didn't do here, but the "E" at the end has the appropriate number of horizontal lines so that is pretty awesome.  I am keeping this one for her memory book because I think it is adorable.  We are trying to focus on the process with her, instead of the outcome so much, because we've read good things about that parenting approach:  "Good job concentrating!  Was it fun drawing that lion?   I like the way you followed the directions."

Let me know if you would like to commission a picture from the artist :)

LMW

May 2, 2012 - This Boy

For the last two days, Noah has been wearing his "back pack" a lot.  I don't know what made him become interested in it, but he likes it a lot.  He walks around in it, plays in it, looks out the window as if he is eager to bust out of jail.  Do you think he is trying to tell us something?

(He looks sweet and innocent...but can also be a tough guy!  Watch out!)

We did convince him to take the bag off to eat at the table...and luckily it didn't bother him too much.

Our super sweet boy is changing everday.  He is eating well, sleeping well (sometimes wakes up once at night and still rises early, but is overall doing great) and is on a much better schedule than we ever managed to get Grace on at the same age.   He is fun and funny...making all kinds of sounds and sporting some adorable dance moves.  He never used to like books, but in the past few weeks he has really started to enjoy them.  He will sit and "read" them, play with them, bring them to me.  Sometimes he tries to eat them, but we're working on that :)  

Where did our little baby go?!  Love this boy!

LMW

May 1, 2012 - Chasing Pavements

As I shared on my Facebook a few days ago, I overheard Grace singing the song "Chasing Pavements" by Adele the other day.  She interpreted this lyric:

...Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements...

to be

...Should I give up or should I just keep making bacon...

which of course made me laugh really hard.  It was too cute.  She has since stopped singing the bacon version and is trying to go with Adele's original lyrics.  I don't know why she likes the song so much, but she does.  She even requested to listen to it while she ate her lunch today.  So here is her performance (it is too long...I uploaded the unedited version by accident, and it takes too long to redo it.  Sorry!).

I like her passion!
LMW