Wednesday, May 9, 2012

May 9, 2012 - Give Up the Funk

This week I am in a funk.  Kids are sleeping at night but waking up before 5 am (and not going back to sleep).  My trip to Zanzibar with my friends from Nairobi got postponed until September, which is a big bummer.  We have a mosquito problem in our house that we can't seem to solve.  My Macbook has a black screen unless I operate it in "safe mode".  Grace had one marathon-record-would-be-really-awesome-birth-control-for-anyone-considering-having-kids temper tantrum the other day.  I thought I was over it, but since I'm writing about it here I guess I am not.  And...I stopped nursing Noah.

It is good news for us really - he is almost 16 months old (nursed about 9 days longer than his big sister) and does not need breast milk for any kind of nutrition at this stage of the game.  He happily drinks other milk or formula ("special milk" we call it in our house).   Since we moved to Dar I've weaned him down to 3 times a day then to 2 times and he has been nursing only once a day for a couple of weeks now.  The problem has become that that one time a day is consistently at 4 am.  And really?  I am TIRED!  So we decided to cut him off.  That sounds cold when really I don't think it is.  He just has to get used to a new scheduled that doesn't involve feeding at 4 am.  And during the day today he has been extra cuddly with me - I am sure he is looking for that physical bond we have that he missed this morning.  And all of that is fine and normal and I don't think we're scarring him in any way by stopping now.  I am a proud Mama for having nursed my kids the way I have and for as long as I have.  I am grateful for the ease and ability I had to do it...for the way they were always so good at it.  For never having had mastitis or anything like that.  Really, I am grateful.  And I am happy to stop now - mostly.  It is bittersweet, though, because I don't think we'll be having any more children, and so it is really the end of a significant/important/special part of my life.  I feel hormonal about it.  I feel sad about it, even though I am happy about it.

And now I have over shared.  

Anyway, that is my explanation for why I haven't been blogging much (refer to the Macbook issue above, primarily) and why I feel like I am in a grumpy mood.  I am hoping it turns around soon - maybe at the Happy Hour Playgroup tomorrow afternoon? - because the week after next Kristoffer is travelling for 6 days/5 nights to South Africa for a workshop.  I will need all my positive thoughts and parenting strategies and happy feelings to get through my first week here in Dar without him.


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