My Danish colleague and I hiked the table mountain yesterday and generally I can say that South Africa is quite amazing to visit, so that is officially on the list now.
We had a group dinner the other day and I was randomly seated with my Danish colleague from Dar and an East African man and a Nigerian man working outside Nigeria. We were all were in our 30s’ish (The Office) and all with children expect for the other Dane. Maybe because the Nigerian kept hitting on the waitress, we talked about marriage and affairs which ended up being almost too much to handle for the two Danes. A few highlights (WARNING: this is not for the fainthearted so stop now if you think you can’t handle it):
The problem is that you never know if the lady really loves you, she could just be with you because you have money, that is why it is better to marry someone from your own class.
If my wife was with another man that is the end of that marriage, and she knows that, but guys are adventurous and people accept that.
At my wedding my mother-in-law gave a toast where she told my wife: "Don’t think about what your husband does, that is his business, not yours. Focus on the things that are important. If he is out I wouldn’t worry as long as he has made sure that you have a good place to live and you have food and clothes. If a day comes where he is not taking care of you then we will start asking questions."
The girls I am having an affair with know that I am married, they know it is just for fun, they may try just to see if they can take it further but there is no obligation from my side – nothing is hidden. I don’t tell my wife but she knows what is going on. She just tells me before I am going away: “just be careful, there is HIV out there, there are other diseases – just be careful!’”
Women are just as bad as men, don’t give me that thing about their innocence, they chose us, they could choose not to get involved then. And do you know what happens if the lady finds out that you are firing blanks? Then to save your face [infertility among men in Africa is more embarrassing than impotence is in the west] she might sleep with another man and get pregnant with another man! Then you have to raise that kid even though it is not yours. Thank goodness we have DNA – then at least you can find out now.
After explaining the beauty of Ghanaian ladies we all agree that Ethiopian ladies are the most beautiful in Africa- easy call. But if you see one of these ladies are you not tempted? What holds you back? Why wouldn’t you pursue them? [almost saying, you’re not man enough]They keep pushing me and I say, "Well, of course I can recognize that a lady is beautiful," I explain, "but I feel if I eat of this cake over here [we’re having dessert] a slice will fall off the cake over here [referring to my own marriage]," Then there was dead silence – almost uncomfortably, as they may recognize that that could be a point.
"But what do you do in church on Sunday morning?" I challenged them.
God is forgiving – he understands.
"What about the 10 commandments?" I try to talk about being faithful.
You can’t change the path of a river. If a river wants to go here or there, there is no point in stopping it!
Now just about to finish up for the night, my African colleague pulls my arm as he tells me,
Do you know how long it took me to be with another lady after I got married? One week!
The laughter crushes down like earthquake shaking down a small city as the two African men high five each other and let their heads back to let out the uncontrollable laughter. The other guys says
One week after...that means he was doing it all along!
Another high five reaffirms this statement as the laugher grows even higher and breathing now becomes difficult for the two men.
The two of us now terrified Danes looked at each other in a “I want to go home!” kind of way.