Wednesday, January 19, 2011

January 19, 2011 - Three More Days

As of yesterday I was 38 full weeks pregnant and for a variety of good reasons, my c-section date was bumped up from Monday morning to Saturday morning. For me the only downside is that I wanted to have the baby on my father's birthday, which will no longer happen, but that is not a big deal to Dad and I suppose we can just say that we're celebrating him a little early.

On Friday morning, Kristoffer's mom and her husband, Kirsten (Farmor) and Hans, will arrive for four weeks. 24 hours after that I will be wheeled into the operating room and the third love of my life will be born. Amazing. While I am REALLY uncomfortable and exhausted right now, I am just mostly REALLY eager eager eager to meet Rocky.

I also have a strange mix of emotions that I didn't expect to be so hard. I feel sad for Grace that her days as the sole-center of our universe are coming to an end. I feel a little sad to be losing all of the special things about it often just being the two of us or the special things about being just a family of three. I feel a little sad that she is old enough to be a big in, enough time has passed since her own birth that someone else could be born too. Someone who, no doubt, we will love just as much, but also someone who will never have the experience of being our one-and-only...which also makes me a little sad for Rocky! I have no doubt that there will be infinite happy and joyful and not-sad emotions and moments in the days following Rocky's arrival and, believe me, I'M READY for them...but in the last few days I've just been hit by this new wave of emotions I didn't quite expect. Motherhood is complicated, isn't it?!

So in these last three days before Rocky's birthday I'm getting ready for Kirsten and Hans, continuing my attempts to get Grace ready for lots of big changes in our house, and am trying to remember that I can survive insert any or all of these ailments: insane indigestion; severe, sharp, shooting pains down my legs; no appetite; insomnia due to discomfort; irregular contractions; swollen and tired feet; the feeling that I'm falling over a lot because my feet are so small and my balance is all thrown off by my enormous belly; or having to go the bathroom every 20 minutes for three more days. Because then I will have other things to look forward to, like recovering from major anesthesia and abdominal surgery...but even more so, like getting to meet and hold and snuggle and feed and fall in love with my second child. I think that last bit makes all the rest of it seem highly worth it and I almost can't wait. Just three more days.


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